Shoot the moon.. Miss completely ,
Finally on break. Sleeping in. Daydreaming dangerously about Andrew. i was over at his place last night. brought bbw. watched lego movie . went into room. sexed. talked. watched 3rd rock from the sun. talked . looked at placed to go. fell asleep. i couldnt sleep. maybe it was the coffee. maybe it was my heart just racing from being next time him again and wanting to cherish the moment and stay awake as long as i could. sounds super cheesy but hes taller than i remmber him to be. hes bulkier, which is not a bad thing. i like my guys bulky actually. so its def a positive. hes a little more aggressive in bed . slightly more douchy than i remember him to be. its scarry cause around him i feel so self conscious, and scared. cause i know that HE has theh power to hurt me.. cause i care about what HE thinks and wants. its so scarry being in the position where you care so much. as i told valerie, over a year ago that i thought he was too good for me.i still think that sometimes maybe he is too good for me... im a strong believer in the notion that if you really really want someone, there will be no excuses, nothing will keep us apart if you want it badly enough and are willing to put in the time and effort to sustain the relationship with tht person. so viewing this situtaion through that lens of though, i feel like he doesnt want me badly enough. that he holding out not becuase is truely is busy and focusing on himself, but becuase he knows that im not the right one for him. that he feels like he can do ebtter than me, and hes just doing what he can with me cause im crazy over him and i have feelings for him. so im so conflicted.. i try not to let that thought control my mind. cause it paralyess me. it makes me feel so small and inadequate. like im not good enough. all my insecurities seeping out, my conposure tearing at the seams. i know ive got to just keep going on with my life. whatever happens happens. im scared not knowing. though i try to k eep positivity at the forefront of my thinking.