totally fucked up

[xliving_to_diex]

i don't even know where to begin. i trust very few people becuase i have been hurt by so many people. one person i thought i could really trust was pat. again i was wrong and again i was hurt. our friendship is over. there is this empty space inside of me. this sucks horribly but i don't want to talk to him. somehow i thought he was different but hes the same as everyone else. i've been crying for the past two hours because i was so fucking stupid and believed the bullshit he told me. i want to be able to trust people so badly but how can i? everyone betrays each other and i'm fucking done with it. i fucking lost one person very close to me tonight and i dunno but maybe i might lose more. i'm not dealing with this fucking drama next year. i refuse to be a part of it. ya so fuck you all i'm HIGHLY considering applying for eagle again. and if they don't accept me then that fucking sucks. at least out there we are all a family. theres drama but it gets solved right away. its none of this holding grudges shit.

so my BFF jason isnt going to daytona...hes going to fucking alabama. this sucks beyond belief. i don't know what to do with myself. im really upset about this. i care about him so much and i really dont want to see him go. this hurts really bad.

ok so i cant hold a relationship becuase i cant express myself very well. i cant express myself because i cant trust people. i cant trust people because when i do express myself everyone seems to find out about it. something is seriously wrong here.

my life is falling apart before my eyes and i cant do anything to stop it.