what's life for?
i'm so worried about blake. it's so scarey on so many different levels. for one, he doesn't look the same. there is this frightening blank look in his eyes. and his voice... its so shakey and weak... and well, just not him. i really don't know what to do. i mean, the guy came super close to dying. there was blood everywhere. he could be dead right now. everything could be worse than it is, but its not. its just that more or less, this whole situation is so beyond serious. i know i can be there for him, by his side. i can hold him in my arms and just be there with him, but i am not his saviour. i can't even keep myself from making out with donna. i cant win against my temptations.
i mean, shit. my boyfriend tries to commit suicide, nearly succeeds, and i go and make out with donna. who the fuck am i to do something like that? do i not have a heart? is this just my way of dealing? after i got home from blakes, i proceeded to cut myself. cutting and sleep. those are my old escapes. i carved a word on my right thigh. 'hopeless' because this is how i feel right now.
anyone who has had a friend in trouble like this, has been in a rough situation. blake is 18. he's a legal adult. i wonder if i should do something more on his behalf, something more to get him the real help he needs. but the mental health world is a poor place to exist... no hospital or medicine can kill that inner demon that causes the unhappiness. sure, it can stabalize, but that doesn't mean everything is all better. what do i do? where do i go from here?
i am out of control. my life is heading in a very bad direction. promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, cutting... and i care, yet i don't. im all indulgent in my problems.
everything is going to be okay.
im not even excited about fucking marilyn manson. you know something is wrong when im not looking forward to that...
i mean, shit. my boyfriend tries to commit suicide, nearly succeeds, and i go and make out with donna. who the fuck am i to do something like that? do i not have a heart? is this just my way of dealing? after i got home from blakes, i proceeded to cut myself. cutting and sleep. those are my old escapes. i carved a word on my right thigh. 'hopeless' because this is how i feel right now.
anyone who has had a friend in trouble like this, has been in a rough situation. blake is 18. he's a legal adult. i wonder if i should do something more on his behalf, something more to get him the real help he needs. but the mental health world is a poor place to exist... no hospital or medicine can kill that inner demon that causes the unhappiness. sure, it can stabalize, but that doesn't mean everything is all better. what do i do? where do i go from here?
i am out of control. my life is heading in a very bad direction. promiscuity, drugs, alcohol, cutting... and i care, yet i don't. im all indulgent in my problems.
everything is going to be okay.
im not even excited about fucking marilyn manson. you know something is wrong when im not looking forward to that...