a personal matter
it has come to my attention that i will one day have to resond to the question "how was your high school experience" posed by one of my peers. and i will answer that it would have been wonderful if i hadn't lost myself in preparing for the future. and i'll come back to my 10 year reunion boasting my career as the head artistic director at some huge firm in san diego as well as my freelance work, a wonderful and compassionate husband on my arm, and pictures of my beautiful children. and everyone will tell me how great that all is, if they only remembered who i was.
is it such a small price to pay to neglect your friends so that you can ensure your future goals? and even if the future is uncertain, no matter how deep you carve your plans in stone. so was it worth focusing all my time and passion into making the grades, being what everyone else wanted me to be, in order to finally leave home (and the one i love) to persue my goal of becoming a graphic designer? i'm lucky if i can even get my best friend to go to lunch with me anymore, and it seems the only time we talk is when i'm leaving my shift and she comes on hers for work. and i've lost more to drinking and boyfriends and moving and moving on..so what will i take with me when i leave?
experience, perhaps. maybe a few good memories. a few regrets of things that could have been.
yesterday was his last day at his security job, so i brought up some avilas and we did homework together. it seems like forever since i've seen him last, his training keeps him long into the night and we can't talk for days on end. but it's worth it when i get to see him, even if all we want to do is sleep next to eachother. he took a picture of me in front of the pan am, with all the empty chairs on the background and the halogen lights shining down on center court. stayed home today to relax and practice my music. snd tomorrow i go back up to see him again. i've tried to make an effort to see other people, but for some reason i keep comparing them to him and i don't want to go back. i'm just afraid that if i get so emotionally attached more than we already are, it will be so much harder to say goodbye in september. it's already hard enough to say goodbye as it is.
is it such a small price to pay to neglect your friends so that you can ensure your future goals? and even if the future is uncertain, no matter how deep you carve your plans in stone. so was it worth focusing all my time and passion into making the grades, being what everyone else wanted me to be, in order to finally leave home (and the one i love) to persue my goal of becoming a graphic designer? i'm lucky if i can even get my best friend to go to lunch with me anymore, and it seems the only time we talk is when i'm leaving my shift and she comes on hers for work. and i've lost more to drinking and boyfriends and moving and moving on..so what will i take with me when i leave?
experience, perhaps. maybe a few good memories. a few regrets of things that could have been.
yesterday was his last day at his security job, so i brought up some avilas and we did homework together. it seems like forever since i've seen him last, his training keeps him long into the night and we can't talk for days on end. but it's worth it when i get to see him, even if all we want to do is sleep next to eachother. he took a picture of me in front of the pan am, with all the empty chairs on the background and the halogen lights shining down on center court. stayed home today to relax and practice my music. snd tomorrow i go back up to see him again. i've tried to make an effort to see other people, but for some reason i keep comparing them to him and i don't want to go back. i'm just afraid that if i get so emotionally attached more than we already are, it will be so much harder to say goodbye in september. it's already hard enough to say goodbye as it is.