read it, or don't.
i never write in this anymore. unless it's to post some stupid survey or questionaire thing. i guess it's time to vent though.
i've been grounded for almost a month now. now for all of you that dont know, before you frigging ask what happened. yes i had a party while my parents were gone. yes it was stupid. yes i got drunk. yes i hooked up with a kid that i probably shouldnt have. and yes i probably would do it all over again. i've missed out on so much it's ridiculous. i miss my friends and i miss going out constantly. all i do now is work or sit on the computer, i hate it.
i wish i had a boyfriend now, i've gone through my phase of just hooking up with whomever and i'm over it. i need someone that i know will be there whenver to come over and watch movies or cuddle or go out to eat. and not just be down to get drunk and hookup. dont get me wrong, thats fun, but i've moved on. apparently shit has been going around the 'scene' about me too. kids need to grow up. yes, i kiss boys. ohhhh shoot. no need to go run your mouth and tell everyone you know. i hate when my ex boyfriend calls me to inform me of who i've done shit with. and then gets mad at me for it. it's my buisness. i need to get my priorities in order. i need to give second chances and hopefully in return get some chances back of my own. it's getting to the point where seeing couples together depresses me. what the fuck? i'm almost 18 years old, i should be enjoying my life not getting sad and having my stomach ache when i see two other people kiss. i miss that so much though, i miss being in a relationship. they never ever work out for me. and i always try my hardest but clearly, that doesn't really do much.
and then college is soon. i'm freaking out over that one. a senior in highschool with about 6 months left to go. how crazy is that? im scared to go to college, two of my main choices are two hours away. no one will ever come visit, and if i do have my car, i'll probably never come home because it's so far. as much as i say i want to leave worcester, i'm afraid that i won't last out there and i'll end up transfering back because i miss my crew. i don't think i'm ready to step out of my little auburn bubble and face the real world yet. that is, if i even get into those schools. fucking around throughout highschool really isnt the most intelligent thing to do, dont get me wrong, my grades are alright, but i'm not the smartest kid if you looked at my grades on paper. i'm even more scared of not getting accepted somewhere. i don't want to have to spend my life in worcester doing some mediocre job. i want to actually make something of myself and be something. i dont want to be like my parents who didnt get a college education, or my dad who didn't graduate. i neeed to move on and grow. and going to college means losing my best friend. britta isn't looking at schools around here. she wants to go to pennsylvania. what the hell. i try to convince her every day that she doesnt need to go so far to get a good education, but im afraid that no matter what i say, she wont change her mind. i dont know how i'll go to school without her. let alone without danielle being 5 minutes away. girls there when i need anything i just drive down a few streets and shes there to listen. now shes growing up and getting a job and has no time for anything. i know being away from her is going to be most difficult.
okay. so what have we ended up with here?
i need to start dating, and get into some form of a relationship.
i need to not fuck around with school and actually do homework.
i need to apply to colleges and fucking ace my sat's.
i need to not give a shit about the drama that surrounds worcester
AND i need to not care what people may think about me.
pce lj. maybe i'll write in you again in another two months.
i've been grounded for almost a month now. now for all of you that dont know, before you frigging ask what happened. yes i had a party while my parents were gone. yes it was stupid. yes i got drunk. yes i hooked up with a kid that i probably shouldnt have. and yes i probably would do it all over again. i've missed out on so much it's ridiculous. i miss my friends and i miss going out constantly. all i do now is work or sit on the computer, i hate it.
i wish i had a boyfriend now, i've gone through my phase of just hooking up with whomever and i'm over it. i need someone that i know will be there whenver to come over and watch movies or cuddle or go out to eat. and not just be down to get drunk and hookup. dont get me wrong, thats fun, but i've moved on. apparently shit has been going around the 'scene' about me too. kids need to grow up. yes, i kiss boys. ohhhh shoot. no need to go run your mouth and tell everyone you know. i hate when my ex boyfriend calls me to inform me of who i've done shit with. and then gets mad at me for it. it's my buisness. i need to get my priorities in order. i need to give second chances and hopefully in return get some chances back of my own. it's getting to the point where seeing couples together depresses me. what the fuck? i'm almost 18 years old, i should be enjoying my life not getting sad and having my stomach ache when i see two other people kiss. i miss that so much though, i miss being in a relationship. they never ever work out for me. and i always try my hardest but clearly, that doesn't really do much.
and then college is soon. i'm freaking out over that one. a senior in highschool with about 6 months left to go. how crazy is that? im scared to go to college, two of my main choices are two hours away. no one will ever come visit, and if i do have my car, i'll probably never come home because it's so far. as much as i say i want to leave worcester, i'm afraid that i won't last out there and i'll end up transfering back because i miss my crew. i don't think i'm ready to step out of my little auburn bubble and face the real world yet. that is, if i even get into those schools. fucking around throughout highschool really isnt the most intelligent thing to do, dont get me wrong, my grades are alright, but i'm not the smartest kid if you looked at my grades on paper. i'm even more scared of not getting accepted somewhere. i don't want to have to spend my life in worcester doing some mediocre job. i want to actually make something of myself and be something. i dont want to be like my parents who didnt get a college education, or my dad who didn't graduate. i neeed to move on and grow. and going to college means losing my best friend. britta isn't looking at schools around here. she wants to go to pennsylvania. what the hell. i try to convince her every day that she doesnt need to go so far to get a good education, but im afraid that no matter what i say, she wont change her mind. i dont know how i'll go to school without her. let alone without danielle being 5 minutes away. girls there when i need anything i just drive down a few streets and shes there to listen. now shes growing up and getting a job and has no time for anything. i know being away from her is going to be most difficult.
okay. so what have we ended up with here?
i need to start dating, and get into some form of a relationship.
i need to not fuck around with school and actually do homework.
i need to apply to colleges and fucking ace my sat's.
i need to not give a shit about the drama that surrounds worcester
AND i need to not care what people may think about me.
pce lj. maybe i'll write in you again in another two months.