jus pickin apart my brain a lil
today at ians we were layin in his bed n i looked at him....n he was staring at me with his beautiful brown eyes n at that moment i saw NOT jus him but i saw who he is..n wut he ment to me...him lookin bac at me with the look of love in his eyes..it made my heart fall...that made me realise that i have tru love with him! o r love couldnt b more tru! but it was a love i never felt before with ne one..its not the whole o i love u cuz ur my boyfriend thing its actual love wut i feel for him! the love i have for him is something i only want to share with him...if ne thing were to happen in r relationship n we would split up i really wont find *THIS* with ne one...this being all the feelings and comfortableness i feel n share with ian!then in the silence us still staring at eachother in the face i said to myself HE IS PERFECT...noones perfect i kno everyone has flaws n blah blah blah...but to me he IS perfect...a lil bit of my love is toward his flaws! there not even flaws there jus things that I wish he didnt do or was or wutever the "flaw" is...is there even a world with lower meaning than flaw?im so scared now that i find myself at times trying soo hard to push him away cuz i never felt this way before n i dont wana set myself up for a horrible fall in which he leaves me heartbroken beyond wut i can imagine...im sry for when i do try to push you away ian i kno you can understand y i do it sumtimes, and when i try n push him away a tab bit i feel guilty n i feel horrible....he sumhow can sense this n if im with him he lays on me or kisses me or tells me he loves me or does something thats cute that i stop right then pushing him away at that moment bcuz i jus dont have the heart to make him think i dont love him or im gettin sick of r relationship o cuz thats not the case n that wont b the case....i believe ian is my soulmate! i do not care if guys tell me im hawt n they like me or wutever there jus other guys...ppl i can b friends with..infact all i wana do is b friends with these other guys...even if i may or may not have a crush on them i would NEVER ruin wut i have with ian..NEVER EVER EVER IN A MILLION YRS WOULD EVER EVEN THINK ABOUT LEAVING IAN....theyd b jus crushes that wont mean ne thing to the feelings that i have for my boy boy....im here with him until he gets rid of me..or he pushes me away like he has done when we were jus friends...but u can bet ur ass im not gona lose ian..not without a fight! i find myself ALWAYS thinkin bout him...wut hes doing who hes with is he having fun is he thinking of me whens he gona call i miss him i hope i see him today..these things all the time...my life is far from perfect but ian makes me feel perfect he can make me feel like im the most prettiest girl ever to walk earth n i kno im not that o but i love that he REALLY believes this....when he tells me this he has that look..o the look that u can tell is pure honesty...he really means it...n he can ALWAYS ALWAYS make me smile...even if i dont smile on my face my heart for sure is smiling! i kno he loves me,he seems like sum1 who could never fall in love yet when he holds me or kisses me or looks at me or ne thing i cant help but think that he is in love..ian the guy who doenst believe in love...n hes in love with me and i feel that i shouldnt b the one he loves cuz there r ppl better than me n better as in a better person than i am...even tho he doesnt think that..i still do, mayb cuz i am me i kno me more than ne one ever will..but so does everyone else to themselves!i kno i cant give him the world but i kno that i wana make him happy 24/7 n id like to think that in the end i gave him the world...as much of it as i could atleast! im also scared...for wut if he meets someone when he goes to college or jus out sumwere? meets another girl that he begins to fall for...n loses his feelings for me...o that one scares me all the time! ians a very good looking person n hes well built...i c the way girls look at him...they have the look like wow i NEED to get him to talk to me so i can b HIS girlfriend....n that scares me...im not jealous im far from that....jus scared...so whos to say with his looks body n charm that he couldnt meet a girl...a girl that fits him more perfectly than i do...thats a very scary thought i believe...but who would have guessed at a kid i didnt even knos birthday party a young male with a shaved head n 2 lil spikes in the front of his face...with sunglasses and a cape n armor n black n orange pants with safety pins in them to replace the broken zipper he had would b this guy that i believe is the love of my life...the joy in my heart..my soulmate...i found my soulmate at the age of 16...it took me 1yr after meeting him to realise i have feelings for him iv had them the whole time...so here i am 17! goin on 18 n i hope to god that i marry him n have his children n die kno'n being with him was the best times of my life...thro the good n bad<3
hes my everythin..hes all i need...how could i survive without your love...even when the world just falls apart i kno i have you n its all i need
Ian+Megan=Forever
11-29-04*the start of it all<3