Songs from Different Times Part 4
Type: Fanfiction
World: Twilight
Status: multi chapter
Title: Songs from Different Times
Rating: M
Genre: Angst, Drama
Pairing: Jacob & Bella
Warnings: language, angst, sexual situations, character death, post-BD
Summary: Thirty years into the future, and the world has stopped turning for Jacob Black. Caught between the strings of his imprint, long forfeited dreams and the hope that somewhere deep inside that girl with the golden eyes, his Bells is still waiting for him, he has to make a choice much graver than any other.
Notes: There are plenty of people who deserve a big hug and millions of thank you's for pre-reading this story and giving me feedback, helping me to get this story going and turn it from a weird idea that would not leave my mind to a finsihed story. So, lezah_hctiw lsjcandy , runningsissors , lizdesmond, dredhedred, and evaa_3 , thank you all so very much for all the help and support.
made by sarahtomas
part 1
S o n g s f r o m D i f f e r e n t T i m e s
Part 4
come feed the rain / cause I'm thirsty for you love dancing underneath the skies of lust
poets of the fall - carnival of rust
The sun was setting again by the time Jacob and Bella made it back to the house with slow steps, side by side this time. Neither of them said anything, both lost in their thoughts, weighing the impact of their plans.
Jacob could not deny that the desire to see his old home again had overcome him many times, urges to just run across the country and see, with his very own eyes, what had become of the familiar place.
The smell emerging from the kitchen had almost been enough to make up for the sticky sweet scent that clung to everything, and Jacob felt water gathering in his mouth at the promise of food. His stomach had constantly been grumbling all the way back through the dense forest.
Most of the Cullens, as well as Leah, were scattered around the house, leaving Esme, Edward and a nervous looking Renesmee the only ones in the kitchen.
Just as Bella and Jacob quietly entered the room, steam dampening the glass window behind the kitchenette, Edward stood up from the bar stool, his eyes hard and determined.
"No, Bella."
Jacob tried to ignore the sight of Bella's eyes hardening in his peripheral vision, instead shooting a weak smile in Renesmee's direction to reassure her he was fine. She sighed, climbing from her chair and dancing across the kitchen towards him. Every time Jacob saw her walking, her steps always so elaborate and yet light, he had to suppress a bitter laugh. She had spent too much time with Alice. Apparently, she would always be a child inside, as much as she had grown physically.
"I'm really sorry, Jacob," she murmured, hugging him tightly.
"You can't go, Bella," Edward's voice said sternly, stepping closer to Bella, who made a step back.
"Why?" Her voice was quiet, not as fierce as her eyes promised. He still had her dancing at the tips of his fingers, after all these years. But Jacob had given up pitying her and being angry at him a long time ago. It was not his task to save her anymore. She would have to do that on her own.
"Because it's dangerous. The other pack is still there, it's only been thirty years, people might see you. You're supposed to look as if you were almost fifty years old, Bella. And Jacob is supposed to be dead. It's too dangerous."
Esme had stopped stirring the sauce on the stove, stepping a bit closer, resting a hand on Edward's shoulder.
"No, Esme. It is dangerous," Edward said without looking at his adoptive mother, before she had the chance to open her mouth.
"Edward, you know I hate it when you do that. Let her talk," Bella said grumpily, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
Jacob gently removed Renesmee from his arms, smiling down at her.
"I don't think there is a reason for you not to go, Bella. Of course, you will have to be careful not to attract attention, but I trust that you will be capable of doing that."
Jacob looked at Bella carefully, seeing her throw a thankful smile at Esme.
"Then I'll go with you," Edward declared, his eyes flickering over to Jacob for a fragment of a second. From the exerted expression in his eyes, Jacob knew immediately that his thoughts were mute to Edward, that Bella was shielding his mind.
Bella sighed, stepping towards him. Jacob could see from the look on Edward's face that Bella was talking to him inside her head. Esme knew, as well, removing her hand from Edward's shoulder and walking over to Jacob.
"My condolences, Jacob. I'm very sorry," she said, brushing her hand against Jacob's cheek.
He swallowed hard, nodding shortly at Esme. She smiled warmly at him, walking back to the stove.
Renesmee's hand suddenly grasped Jacob's, and he looked back at her. Her forehead was wrinkled in worry, and she was staring at her parents' silent conversation.
Jacob sighed, brushing his thumb against the back of her head, leading her towards one of the many chairs. He was hungry. This was between Bella and Edward, and he had no right to intervene.
Renesmee sat down next to him, never letting go of his hand, still looking at her parents. This was a rare sight for her, such a tensed moment between them. They had been more regular at a time when the nature of Jacob's imprint had been unsure. But ever since their bonds had been set steadily, Bella and Edward usually never had a reason to contradict each other. Jacob had to stop himself from chuckling bitterly, knowing that the reason for their alikeness was the mere fact that Bella would never dare to say anything against Edward or refuse him in any way.
"Fine," Edward suddenly said coolly, rushing past Bella, leaving a charged silence in the kitchen.
"We're leaving tomorrow," Bella said to Jacob, not a single emotion stirring on her features, before she left the room, as well.
"How long are you going to stay?" Renesmee asked, sounding agitated from the scene she just had to witness.
"I don't know, really. I don't think it'll be too long," he said, shrugging his shoulders.
x
It was the first time in a long time for Jacob to be on a plane. He had never really liked it much, the empty feeling in his stomach at take off, the bumpy flights, the always too small seats, the thud while landing. Not to mention the stares that were guaranteed in the massive crowd at the airports.
Usually, whenever they moved from place to place, the Cullens, Leah and him went by car, avoiding the attention it would surely draw when they had to hire someone to transport seven expensive cars and three motorcycles.
But more than the unusual way of transportation, the promise of going home made Jacob's head run on overdrive, his temples aching under the pressure. Only a few hours and they would be home. A place they had not been to in thirty years.
His palms were sweaty as they gripped the arm rest of his seat. The flicker of guilt inside of him for leaving Renesmee only a day after his return was not big enough to actually cause the strings inside of him to pull - she had let him go, after all. Why would she be against him visiting his old home?
Still, their goodbye this morning had felt strange, constrained and tense. She had clung to him a little tighter and longer than usual, had ignored the rather cold embrace of her parents. It had been Alice who had driven them to the airport, humming to the radio the entire way.
"Jacob, are you alright?"
Jacob jerked his head to his left, surprised by the sudden sound of Bella's voice. He had been so deep in thought that he had almost forgotten that she was here, too. So close, her arms only inches from his, the coolness of her skin radiating against the warmth of his.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he assured her, loosening his death grip on the arm rest, "Just don't like flying that much."
Bella huffed, flickering through the airline's magazine without really looking at it.
"You probably shouldn't have eaten so much this morning," she said mockingly, turning her head to smile at him. Still, behind the smile, he could see the tension dominating her mind. Even if she did not mind flying, the prospect of returning to the place where all this had started, troubled her as much as him.
"Bella?" Jacob asked, ignoring her attempt to lighten the mood. In a sad way, it reminded him of the ease that used to determine their friendship all these years back. Jake and Bells knew no awkward silence. But this was Jacob and Bella. There would be no ease, not ever.
"Hmm?"
"Why are we doing this?"
There was a silent second in which Bella seemed to outweigh her answers inside her head, before she mechanically stuffed the magazine back into the net at the back of the seat in front of her, looking at Jacob's shoulder instead of his face.
"I wanted to go back for a while, but I… didn't want to go alone. And… I wanted to go with someone who really understands why I need to go," she whispered, fumbling with the sleeve of her black blouse.
"But why do you want to go?"
Jacob needed no actions, his words alone, the strength behind them, were enough for Bella to raise her chin, nervously, almost shyly looking into Jacob's eyes.
"I just…," she began weakly, her voice broken, literally sounding as if she had to force herself to speak, and Jacob hated to see her like this. It made him feel bad, forcing these words out of her, so he raised his hand from the arm rest, giving in to the urge he had felt before, resting it against Bella's cheek, much like she had done yesterday. To his surprise, the coldness did not bother him that much. It was just a flicker too cold, but enough to endure, her skin as smooth as marble, and really just as hard at the same time.
Jacob's heartbeat started to pick up as Bella's eyelids fluttered closed, and she gently pushed more of her face against his warm hand.
"I know, Bella," he whispered, closing his own eyes, not moving, scarcely breathing. Just being for now.
She had not chosen him, had left him broken on his bed in his childhood room to go out and die, become his archenemy. Jacob knew that she had made her choice and was existing - never living - with it. Never did he have to doubt that Bella was absolutely satisfied. After all, she had gotten everything she had wanted and more. If he were cruelly honest, he would have to say that she had no right to be unhappy.
But in this moment, his hand barely touching her cold skin, a new page of Bella was unfolding itself, and Jacob suddenly had to realize that he was not the only one who kept a heavy secret behind his heart.
x
It felt surreal, as if he was cast into one of his dreams in which he was running through the familiar forest, hearing the faint rush of the ocean in the west. Everything looked just like he remembered.
They had checked into a hotel in Port Angeles, knowing they could not stay in Forks or La Push. It had not been long enough, the time that had passed. Bella would be recognize by people, they would be puzzled by them. So, they had rented a car and driven the hour it took to get back home, each mile they drove causing the anticipation and fear inside of them to reach a breaking point. No words had been spoken since their moment of truth on the plane. Neither of them really knew what to say.
Here they stood now, on a deserted parking lot, close to the old treaty line that separated the reservation from the area the Cullens used to reside in. Before they had left with Jacob, Leah and Seth, the Cullens, Sam and Jacob had agreed that there was no more point to the treaty, and that the only rule that should be regarded was, should the Cullens ever return, they were not allowed to hunt on Quileute land.
The sky was a deep shade of grey, the rain that was falling light, almost like a sprinkle on skin. The dampness caused every scent in the forest to double, and Jacob inhaled deeply, refreshing his dusted memory.
They knew they could not drive much further than this - they would have to walk the rest of the way. Jacob knew how the people in La Push reacted to cars they had not seen in town before, their curiosity might be to their disadvantage. Bella closed the door of their car, looking around dreamful, her eyes foggy, as if she were not really here.
"Let's go," Jacob said, feeling both anxiety and eagerness to go further. He was home, after all. Still, there were so many things he might not know about, things that would surely have changed over the years. Not to mention the memory of his father haunting him every time he closed his eyes, his heart feeling heavy with guilt.
Together, side by side - almost like they used to in the old days - Bella and Jacob disappeared between the trees, knowing they had to stay hidden. Jacob was leading the way, knowing exactly where he had to go first, where his heart was leading him. Even if he could not quite figure out why they were here today, ever, he knew one thing for sure: he had to say goodbye.
"Maybe we should have waited until a little later, dusk, at least," Bella said quietly, not sounding critical, but worried. Edward must have poisoned her with the fear of being caught, identified. Jacob only sighed, casting her a reassuring look.
"Don't worry, we'll be fine."
Bella nodded unbelievingly, taking in the woods around them.
"It smells just the same," she whispered, inhaling the scent just like Jacob had done before. For a second he wondered if she was smelling the same thing he did, if there was a difference.
"Where are we going, Jacob?"
"Visit my Dad," Jacob said, looking expectantly at Bella. She tilted her head very slightly to the side, a gesture he had not seen her doing very often, always wondering where Renesmee had gotten in from.
"Okay," she said gently, falling back into the silence that seemed their constant companion.
It only took them a few minutes of silent walking, to turn their heads towards each other, both of them starting to hear a faint voice in the distance.
"There are a lot of people," Bella stated calmly, not slowing her walk, "I smell a lot of blood."
"You're fine, right?" Jacob asked, never really trusting any vampire's control. He knew what instincts were, knew the savage control they had over any actions.
"Of course, I'm fine," Bella assured him, but Jacob could see that she had stopped taking fake breaths, "It's his funeral, Jacob."
Jacob gulped, not having considered that, the fear of having to stop Bella from slaughtering half of the town having been a priority.
"When did Rachel call?" he asked, feeling his skin tingle, nervousness and fear creeping into his pores.
"Two days ago. Are you sure you want to go?"
They kept walking, the voice getting louder and clearer to their ears, heartbeats drumming, sobs mixing with the rush of the ocean and the whispering of the trees.
"Yeah. We'll just… wait behind the trees," Jacob decided, trying to sound stronger than he felt.
As they kept going, the voice suddenly disappeared, only sobs and breaths mingling with the sounds of nature.
"We're almost there," Jacob said, and a few minutes later, they could see light casting between the trees, the forest making room for a vast meadow, which held the graveyard.
Bella and Jacob both slowed down their steps, careful to stay hidden behind the trees as they approached as far as they could, keeping a safe distance.
A large group of people was gathered in a circle on the graveyard, all of them solemnly quiet. It was difficult to make out any faces, many of them were carrying umbrellas to hold back the filigree rain drops, most were turned away from where Jacob and Bella hid between the trees.
"Do you think he knows I'm here?" Jacob asked, trying to swallow the knot in his throat. His voice was husky, thick with the tears he was trying to hold at bay.
"Oh, Jacob," Bella whispered, moving closer to him, shivers running up Jacob's arm as she intertwined her fingers with his, "I'm sure he does."
The two of them stood there, completely immobile, their hands forming one. Jacob grasped her hand tighter, knowing he could not hurt her so easily, ignoring how wrong this felt.
"I deserted him, Bella. I just left him."
"Jacob," Bella whispered, leaning her head against his side, "Don't do this to yourself. He knew, Jacob. He understood."
Jacob tore his eyes away from the mourners, looking down at Bella's head resting against him, her eyes closed, her fingers holding on to his.
"I'm his son, Bella. I should have been there for him," he answered, mesmerized by the shadows that Bella's lashes were casting against her white skin, the feeling of her fingertips drawing tiny circled in his palm.
Bella said nothing, did nothing but stay by his side.
The sudden sound of footsteps coming into their direction caused the both of them to jerk apart, Bella's instinctively revealing her teeth.
"We should go," she said as they watched the man approach, his slow steps not disguising his determination.
Bella had already turned around, making a quick step back when Jacob caught her arm.
"Wait," he said, concentrating, eying the man's face intently, knowing he was stared back at, "That's Embry."
Bella turned around, wiggling out of Jacob's grip and casting a clearer gaze at the approaching figure.
Jacob felt his stomach clench, his heartbeat race, memories of getting drunk for the first time, stealing dirty magazines from the local store, days spent in the garage working on scrap metal flooding his mind like a tornado, everything crushing down on him.
Embry had reached the line of the trees, slowly stepping over fallen branches, his eyes never leaving the two dreamlike figures standing within the forest.
He came to a halt a few yards away from them, his face marked with wonder, eyes flickering between Bella and Jacob.
The three old friends were silent for a few minutes, just staring at each other, surprised gripping a strong hold on their minds.
"Jake? Bella?" Embry finally said very quietly, as if he were afraid to burst a bubble if he spoke too loudly.
Jacob had not expected to actually meet someone, although he could not deny having thought about what his old friends were doing on many occasions. But he had come to terms with the belief that he would never know, that they had stepped out of his life eternally. But here he stood in front of his old best friend, feeling as if he just met a stranger.
Embry was still well built, not as pronounced as he had been the last time they had met, but he looked healthy, his shoulder-length black hair shimmering with a hint of grey in the somber light. His face looked so much older, fine wrinkles around his eyes, deep laugh lines framing his lips.
"Why are you here?" he asked, not accusingly, but with honest confusion, his eyes now glued on Jacob.
"Rachel called," Jacob answered shortly, still not sure how to behave. It felt like a déja vu, seeing his old friend. But he had not been his friend in too long. They knew nothing about each other anymore.
"Oh," Embry murmured, the proof of his grief now evident on his face.
"We thought we should… visit," Bella explained, her voice careful, probing how far she could go. Where the new lines were.
Embry nodded, his eyes searching for Jacob again.
"You haven't aged a day," he almost whispered with a mesmerized undertone.
Jacob laughed bitterly, feeling Bella tense next to him.
"Believe me, I have."
There was an awkward silence, and Embry did not quite seem to understand the weight of Jacob's words. Jacob suddenly felt Bella's hand press against his back, out of Embry's sight, steadying him.
"So, how are Leah and Seth?" Embry asked, and the sadness in his voice was deafening.
"Seth imprinted a couple of years ago and left. I'm sure he's fine, you know him," Jacob told him, trying his best to sound casual. Like he was telling his life story to an old friend at a class reunion, "And Leah, well, she gets softer with the years."
Embry laughed unbelievingly - he sounded almost exactly as Jacob remembered.
"How is everyone else?" Jacob asked, his guts wrenching. Did he want to know? Was he willing to let his dreams and fantasies be crushed?
"Oh, everyone is fine, really. Same old, same old, here. Nothing new on the western front," Embry chuckled, a sound so unusual and unfitting coming from a grown up man. For a second, Jacob wondered if standing here in front of his old best friend who probably looked like he had emerged from a dream, Embry was catapulted back into the past. Into easier times.
"That's good. Good," Jacob mumbled, feeling the pressure of Bella's hand against the fabric of his shirt increase. He wondered if she was holding on to him more than he was steadying himself on her touch.
"Have you visited Charlie yet, Bella?" Embry asked, looking at Bella with the tiniest hint of instinctual suspicion.
"No, we just arrived, actually. He's over there, I guess? I think I'll stop by tomorrow," Bella answered, her eyes - full of sadness - looking over to the slowly dissolving crowd of mourners.
Embry nodded, burring his hands in his pockets.
"How long are you planning to stay?" he asked, directing the question more at Bella than Jacob.
"I don't think more than a few days," she answered, barely able to tear her eyes away from scanning the crowd for her father.
"Okay," Embry murmured, "It's just... you shouldn't stay too long. I don't want my boys to… you know."
"You have sons?" Bella asked with an affectionate smile, her fingers digging into Jacob's back.
"Two," Embry said proudly, his head turning back to the crowd. They must be there, as well.
Jacob felt more guilt stirring inside of him at the idea of people attending his father's funeral he had never met, who had been around when he was not.
"I should be heading back. I'll tell the boys that the… smell is nothing to worry about," Embry explained, casting a short apologetic glance at Bella, who was shaking her head, smiling, "Okay, then…I guess it's goodbye."
Jacob and Bella only nodded, knowing that there would be no hugs, no hands to shake. They were no longer parts of each other's worlds.
Embry glanced at them for a few more seconds, sighing, before he turned around without another word, walking back across the lawn towards the smaller crowd of mourners, leaving Bella and Jacob alone.
"Let's go," Jacob said with a thick voice, not able to bear standing here hidden behind the tress for another second while others got the chance to say goodbye to his own father.
x
Bella felt lost in the woods of La Push, woods she had never been to since her change, and Jacob could see her insecurity in her eyes as he led the way, his steps quick, harsh, angry.
It did not take them long, soon the forest was getting lighter again, and when a glimpse of red peeked out between the line of trees, Jacob turned to look at Bella again, who had slowed down, her eyes fixed on the familiar red house that stood so nearby.
"Jacob," she whispered, stepping forward, her hand finding his arm.
"Come on," he urged gently, quickly walking closer, her cold hand dropping from his arm. He could hear her following him, and as they reached the line of the trees, they stood at the back of his makeshift garage.
"It's still here," Bella whispered in wonder, a bitter smile tingling on her lips, "Do you think we should…"
She waved her pale arm in the direction of the garage, looking up at Jacob questioningly. He was staring blankly ahead, the fact that their old temple was really still here making him feel oddly hopeful.
Without verbally answering Bella's question, he started to approach the garage, turning the corner, Bella close behind him, until he reached the entrance. He did not dare to peek at his old house only a few yards away, fearing the rush of guilt that was sure to come.
The entrance to the garage was barricaded with wooden pallets, the green moss covering them indicating that they had been standing her for a long time without anyone entering what they kept safe.
Jacob grabbed the old wood carefully, lifting the pallets from the ground and leaning them against the wall next to the entrance.
Breathing deeply, Jacob turned around, seeing Bella check their surroundings nervously.
"Hey, it's okay," he reassured her, drawing her attention to the open door, "Ladies first."
Bella laughed, the sound as clear as ice, burning Jacob's chest from the inside. He felt shivers running down his spine as Bella brushed his side stepping past him and into the garage. Not knowing if she was aware of his reaction, Jacob swallowed, following her inside.
"Oh God," Bella whispered, pressing her flat hand against her mouth as she took a look around.
Two rusty dirt bikes were leaning against the wall, a pair of greasy cut-off jeans lay on a chair, a few cans of unopened soda stood on the work bench, stray tools scattered across the floor.
"He didn't change a thing," Jacob whispered more to himself than to Bella, his fingers gliding along the handle bar of one of the bikes. It felt just like it had the last time he had touched it. Everything in here looked as it had when he had left. There was only more dust. And the Rabbit had to be disposed of after Jacob officially died in a car accident.
He looked over to where Bella stood by his work bench, her fingertips tracing a dusty can of soda.
"I wish this was still ours," she whispered so quietly that Jacob had to listen carefully to hear her. His forehead wrinkled in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
Bella never stopped tracing her pale finger along the opening of the can, her eyes empty. Jacob slowly stepped closer to her, keeping a distance between them - she was scaring him.
"All this. I wish it would never have changed."
"It didn't, Bella. Don't you see? It all looks just as it did when I left. My Dad probably never went in here," Jacob said dryly, caught between wanting to lighten Bella's mood and the horrible feeling of his dreams laying here hidden beneath dust.
"Everything changed, Jacob. I wish… it hadn't," Bella whispered just a notch louder than before, turning her head to look at Jacob, her golden eyes glassy, her soul open for him to read.
He took a step closer, feeling the tension between them charge with every inch he approached her, his heart beating against his ribcage.
"Are you saying… you wish that things were different? That you had made a different choice?"
It could not be. Hearing Bella say those words felt more surreal than suddenly standing in the setting of his dreams. He tried to remember a single moment in which Bella had seemed to regret her choice, or longed for a different life. Not finding a debris of a memory, Jacob started wondering who this girl talking to him really was, how many secrets she was truly hiding.
"If I could turn back time… I'd choose you, Jake," Bella whispered, taking one slow step closer to him so she was standing right in front of him, looking up into his eyes, into his soul.
Jake.
She had stopped calling him that many years ago, at a time when Jake had slowly been dying, had disappeared.
Jacob was sure his mind was playing tricks on him, that he was sleeping and that all this was a dream. But when Bella placed her cold hand on his chest, pressing against his rapidly beating heart, the coldness causing him to shiver, he knew he had never felt anything so real.
Suddenly, anger started to boil inside of him like a white flame, rushing through his veins, fire burning behind his eyes. Why now? Why did she have to come to this conclusion now, now that everything was too late and nothing would make a difference anymore?
Rage took over, savage instinct needing to revenge the pain he had to go through all these years, vengeance for when she had left him shattered in his bed, bones broken, heart torn out. Payback for every single moment he had wished he had never let her pull him down with her.
Before Jacob knew, his lips were pressed brutally against a pair of cold, stone hard but smooth lips, Bella's hands clinging to his shoulder, pushing herself closer against him, her entire cold body pressed against him, his hands gripping her waist so tightly he was sure she must break apart beneath his touch.
They were pushing against each other like fighting animals, Bella's fingers travelling up his shoulder to the nape of his neck, pulling at his hair, the deep groan that rumbled in his chest vibrating against her chest.
A grunt of pain echoed through the makeshift garage as Bella pulled herself up, almost crushing Jacob's waist as she wrapped her legs tightly around him, grinding her middle against his denim-strained erection, her lips never releasing his. His only chance was breathing through his noise, her painfully sweet scent watering his eyes and he walked blindly until Bella crushed into the workbench, the wood cracking. Neither of them cared as Jacob pushed her down onto the surface, her legs never faltering in their death grip.
Jacob pushed himself against Bella's middle, feeling her a slight bit warmer than the rest of her body, his hand roughly stroking up and down her back before slipping beneath her blouse, cupping her breast in his hand, her moan drowned out against his lips. His thumb brushed against her erect nipple, his hips pushing faster against her, her fingertips scratching down his chest, before ripping roughly at his belt, the fastener breaking with a metallic snap.
Bella roughly unzipped his jeans, just carefully enough so the zipper did not rip, pushing his jeans down over his hips along with his boxers, the fabric gathering around Jacob's knees.
He groaned loudly as he pushed his bare erection against the rough denim of Bella's jeans, both of his hands now roughly kneading her breast, her moans just loud enough against his mouth to make his abdomen clench.
Just as he removed one of his hands from underneath her blouse, cold fingers suddenly grasped his erection, pulling it closer, stroking up and down so fast Jacob had no time to really perceive the coolness. His fist knocked onto the wooden surface, leaving a dent behind, a change in this flawlessly conserved memory.
Why now?
Ripping apart the button and zipper of her jeans, Jacob lifted Bella from the bench, her shriek muted. He pulled her jeans and panties down her pale legs, not bothering to push them past her ankles. Bella grasped his erection tighter, her free hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer, always closer.
Grabbing her waist, Jacob pulled her to the edge of the work bench, her jeans preventing her from spreading her legs any wider, just enough for him to step in between, his erection brushing against her core, the wolf inside him screaming at him to run and never come back, a much deeper primal instinct making him push forward in one raw, brutal thrust.
Their fighting lips finally jerked apart, Bella's scream muted as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, her hands digging hard into his back, Jacob's groan causing his entire body to tremble.
She was so much warmer inside than on the outside, the contrast between her cold arms wrapped around his neck and her wrapped around him so intense that Jacob could only wonder how warm she would be if she were still human.
As he pulled back and thrust back in, feeling Bella cling to him desperately, her hips jerking forward to meet his every hard thrust, his mind started to wonder how this should have happened. The rage that kept him going only increased at that thought, knowing that this was so wrong and nothing like it should be, the frustration causing him to thrust even harder, his thighs beginning to get sore from slapping against hers over and over again.
This should have been so different. He would have taken his time, he would have been nervous as hell, but as happy as one could be, he would have worshipped her, kissed away any embarrassment. He would have loved her like she deserved to be loved.
But it was too late. His breathing became erratic, his abdomen tightening more and more, Bella's hands around him increasing their grip, her moans against his skin sending shivers all over his skin.
"Bella," he groaned huskily, barely able to speak, his hips thrusting always harder, his fingers digging deep into her marble skin.
"Jake," Bella whispered against his skin, the soft sound of his nickname sending Jacob over the edge, crushing Bella's twitching body against his, his deep groan muffled by her hair against his face, his arms and legs trembling from the effort, the world shattering around him.
Jacob's heart was pounding violently against his chest, his vice grip on Bella slowly weakening. She was immobile in his arms, making no sound, taking no breath. But then, he felt it. A soft, gentle, almost shy brush of cold lips against his shoulder.
Jacob closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to kiss the top of her head. This was wrong. A mistake. Against every scarce thing that still made sense these days.
He stepped backwards instead, removing himself from Bella entirely, not daring to look into her eyes as he pulled up his boxers and jeans.
"Jacob-"
"We should go back to the hotel. We can come back tomorrow so you can visit Charlie," he interrupted her, trying hard not to hear the sadness in her voice. Walking back to the entrance of the garage, Jacob dared one glance at Bella, who was pulling up her jeans, trying her best to hold them to her hips when the button was lying somewhere on the floor and the zipper was broken. But what caused Jacob's chest to contract painfully was the humiliated, devastated look on her pale face. For a second, she looked just like his Bells, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss away the pain.
But she was not. And so Jacob stepped outside into the sprinkling rain, hoping that the water would wash her scent and taste off him. Maybe even her memory.
part 5
World: Twilight
Status: multi chapter
Title: Songs from Different Times
Rating: M
Genre: Angst, Drama
Pairing: Jacob & Bella
Warnings: language, angst, sexual situations, character death, post-BD
Summary: Thirty years into the future, and the world has stopped turning for Jacob Black. Caught between the strings of his imprint, long forfeited dreams and the hope that somewhere deep inside that girl with the golden eyes, his Bells is still waiting for him, he has to make a choice much graver than any other.
Notes: There are plenty of people who deserve a big hug and millions of thank you's for pre-reading this story and giving me feedback, helping me to get this story going and turn it from a weird idea that would not leave my mind to a finsihed story. So, lezah_hctiw lsjcandy , runningsissors , lizdesmond, dredhedred, and evaa_3 , thank you all so very much for all the help and support.
made by sarahtomas
part 1
S o n g s f r o m D i f f e r e n t T i m e s
Part 4
come feed the rain / cause I'm thirsty for you love dancing underneath the skies of lust
poets of the fall - carnival of rust
The sun was setting again by the time Jacob and Bella made it back to the house with slow steps, side by side this time. Neither of them said anything, both lost in their thoughts, weighing the impact of their plans.
Jacob could not deny that the desire to see his old home again had overcome him many times, urges to just run across the country and see, with his very own eyes, what had become of the familiar place.
The smell emerging from the kitchen had almost been enough to make up for the sticky sweet scent that clung to everything, and Jacob felt water gathering in his mouth at the promise of food. His stomach had constantly been grumbling all the way back through the dense forest.
Most of the Cullens, as well as Leah, were scattered around the house, leaving Esme, Edward and a nervous looking Renesmee the only ones in the kitchen.
Just as Bella and Jacob quietly entered the room, steam dampening the glass window behind the kitchenette, Edward stood up from the bar stool, his eyes hard and determined.
"No, Bella."
Jacob tried to ignore the sight of Bella's eyes hardening in his peripheral vision, instead shooting a weak smile in Renesmee's direction to reassure her he was fine. She sighed, climbing from her chair and dancing across the kitchen towards him. Every time Jacob saw her walking, her steps always so elaborate and yet light, he had to suppress a bitter laugh. She had spent too much time with Alice. Apparently, she would always be a child inside, as much as she had grown physically.
"I'm really sorry, Jacob," she murmured, hugging him tightly.
"You can't go, Bella," Edward's voice said sternly, stepping closer to Bella, who made a step back.
"Why?" Her voice was quiet, not as fierce as her eyes promised. He still had her dancing at the tips of his fingers, after all these years. But Jacob had given up pitying her and being angry at him a long time ago. It was not his task to save her anymore. She would have to do that on her own.
"Because it's dangerous. The other pack is still there, it's only been thirty years, people might see you. You're supposed to look as if you were almost fifty years old, Bella. And Jacob is supposed to be dead. It's too dangerous."
Esme had stopped stirring the sauce on the stove, stepping a bit closer, resting a hand on Edward's shoulder.
"No, Esme. It is dangerous," Edward said without looking at his adoptive mother, before she had the chance to open her mouth.
"Edward, you know I hate it when you do that. Let her talk," Bella said grumpily, crossing her arms in front of her chest.
Jacob gently removed Renesmee from his arms, smiling down at her.
"I don't think there is a reason for you not to go, Bella. Of course, you will have to be careful not to attract attention, but I trust that you will be capable of doing that."
Jacob looked at Bella carefully, seeing her throw a thankful smile at Esme.
"Then I'll go with you," Edward declared, his eyes flickering over to Jacob for a fragment of a second. From the exerted expression in his eyes, Jacob knew immediately that his thoughts were mute to Edward, that Bella was shielding his mind.
Bella sighed, stepping towards him. Jacob could see from the look on Edward's face that Bella was talking to him inside her head. Esme knew, as well, removing her hand from Edward's shoulder and walking over to Jacob.
"My condolences, Jacob. I'm very sorry," she said, brushing her hand against Jacob's cheek.
He swallowed hard, nodding shortly at Esme. She smiled warmly at him, walking back to the stove.
Renesmee's hand suddenly grasped Jacob's, and he looked back at her. Her forehead was wrinkled in worry, and she was staring at her parents' silent conversation.
Jacob sighed, brushing his thumb against the back of her head, leading her towards one of the many chairs. He was hungry. This was between Bella and Edward, and he had no right to intervene.
Renesmee sat down next to him, never letting go of his hand, still looking at her parents. This was a rare sight for her, such a tensed moment between them. They had been more regular at a time when the nature of Jacob's imprint had been unsure. But ever since their bonds had been set steadily, Bella and Edward usually never had a reason to contradict each other. Jacob had to stop himself from chuckling bitterly, knowing that the reason for their alikeness was the mere fact that Bella would never dare to say anything against Edward or refuse him in any way.
"Fine," Edward suddenly said coolly, rushing past Bella, leaving a charged silence in the kitchen.
"We're leaving tomorrow," Bella said to Jacob, not a single emotion stirring on her features, before she left the room, as well.
"How long are you going to stay?" Renesmee asked, sounding agitated from the scene she just had to witness.
"I don't know, really. I don't think it'll be too long," he said, shrugging his shoulders.
x
It was the first time in a long time for Jacob to be on a plane. He had never really liked it much, the empty feeling in his stomach at take off, the bumpy flights, the always too small seats, the thud while landing. Not to mention the stares that were guaranteed in the massive crowd at the airports.
Usually, whenever they moved from place to place, the Cullens, Leah and him went by car, avoiding the attention it would surely draw when they had to hire someone to transport seven expensive cars and three motorcycles.
But more than the unusual way of transportation, the promise of going home made Jacob's head run on overdrive, his temples aching under the pressure. Only a few hours and they would be home. A place they had not been to in thirty years.
His palms were sweaty as they gripped the arm rest of his seat. The flicker of guilt inside of him for leaving Renesmee only a day after his return was not big enough to actually cause the strings inside of him to pull - she had let him go, after all. Why would she be against him visiting his old home?
Still, their goodbye this morning had felt strange, constrained and tense. She had clung to him a little tighter and longer than usual, had ignored the rather cold embrace of her parents. It had been Alice who had driven them to the airport, humming to the radio the entire way.
"Jacob, are you alright?"
Jacob jerked his head to his left, surprised by the sudden sound of Bella's voice. He had been so deep in thought that he had almost forgotten that she was here, too. So close, her arms only inches from his, the coolness of her skin radiating against the warmth of his.
"Yeah, I'm fine," he assured her, loosening his death grip on the arm rest, "Just don't like flying that much."
Bella huffed, flickering through the airline's magazine without really looking at it.
"You probably shouldn't have eaten so much this morning," she said mockingly, turning her head to smile at him. Still, behind the smile, he could see the tension dominating her mind. Even if she did not mind flying, the prospect of returning to the place where all this had started, troubled her as much as him.
"Bella?" Jacob asked, ignoring her attempt to lighten the mood. In a sad way, it reminded him of the ease that used to determine their friendship all these years back. Jake and Bells knew no awkward silence. But this was Jacob and Bella. There would be no ease, not ever.
"Hmm?"
"Why are we doing this?"
There was a silent second in which Bella seemed to outweigh her answers inside her head, before she mechanically stuffed the magazine back into the net at the back of the seat in front of her, looking at Jacob's shoulder instead of his face.
"I wanted to go back for a while, but I… didn't want to go alone. And… I wanted to go with someone who really understands why I need to go," she whispered, fumbling with the sleeve of her black blouse.
"But why do you want to go?"
Jacob needed no actions, his words alone, the strength behind them, were enough for Bella to raise her chin, nervously, almost shyly looking into Jacob's eyes.
"I just…," she began weakly, her voice broken, literally sounding as if she had to force herself to speak, and Jacob hated to see her like this. It made him feel bad, forcing these words out of her, so he raised his hand from the arm rest, giving in to the urge he had felt before, resting it against Bella's cheek, much like she had done yesterday. To his surprise, the coldness did not bother him that much. It was just a flicker too cold, but enough to endure, her skin as smooth as marble, and really just as hard at the same time.
Jacob's heartbeat started to pick up as Bella's eyelids fluttered closed, and she gently pushed more of her face against his warm hand.
"I know, Bella," he whispered, closing his own eyes, not moving, scarcely breathing. Just being for now.
She had not chosen him, had left him broken on his bed in his childhood room to go out and die, become his archenemy. Jacob knew that she had made her choice and was existing - never living - with it. Never did he have to doubt that Bella was absolutely satisfied. After all, she had gotten everything she had wanted and more. If he were cruelly honest, he would have to say that she had no right to be unhappy.
But in this moment, his hand barely touching her cold skin, a new page of Bella was unfolding itself, and Jacob suddenly had to realize that he was not the only one who kept a heavy secret behind his heart.
x
It felt surreal, as if he was cast into one of his dreams in which he was running through the familiar forest, hearing the faint rush of the ocean in the west. Everything looked just like he remembered.
They had checked into a hotel in Port Angeles, knowing they could not stay in Forks or La Push. It had not been long enough, the time that had passed. Bella would be recognize by people, they would be puzzled by them. So, they had rented a car and driven the hour it took to get back home, each mile they drove causing the anticipation and fear inside of them to reach a breaking point. No words had been spoken since their moment of truth on the plane. Neither of them really knew what to say.
Here they stood now, on a deserted parking lot, close to the old treaty line that separated the reservation from the area the Cullens used to reside in. Before they had left with Jacob, Leah and Seth, the Cullens, Sam and Jacob had agreed that there was no more point to the treaty, and that the only rule that should be regarded was, should the Cullens ever return, they were not allowed to hunt on Quileute land.
The sky was a deep shade of grey, the rain that was falling light, almost like a sprinkle on skin. The dampness caused every scent in the forest to double, and Jacob inhaled deeply, refreshing his dusted memory.
They knew they could not drive much further than this - they would have to walk the rest of the way. Jacob knew how the people in La Push reacted to cars they had not seen in town before, their curiosity might be to their disadvantage. Bella closed the door of their car, looking around dreamful, her eyes foggy, as if she were not really here.
"Let's go," Jacob said, feeling both anxiety and eagerness to go further. He was home, after all. Still, there were so many things he might not know about, things that would surely have changed over the years. Not to mention the memory of his father haunting him every time he closed his eyes, his heart feeling heavy with guilt.
Together, side by side - almost like they used to in the old days - Bella and Jacob disappeared between the trees, knowing they had to stay hidden. Jacob was leading the way, knowing exactly where he had to go first, where his heart was leading him. Even if he could not quite figure out why they were here today, ever, he knew one thing for sure: he had to say goodbye.
"Maybe we should have waited until a little later, dusk, at least," Bella said quietly, not sounding critical, but worried. Edward must have poisoned her with the fear of being caught, identified. Jacob only sighed, casting her a reassuring look.
"Don't worry, we'll be fine."
Bella nodded unbelievingly, taking in the woods around them.
"It smells just the same," she whispered, inhaling the scent just like Jacob had done before. For a second he wondered if she was smelling the same thing he did, if there was a difference.
"Where are we going, Jacob?"
"Visit my Dad," Jacob said, looking expectantly at Bella. She tilted her head very slightly to the side, a gesture he had not seen her doing very often, always wondering where Renesmee had gotten in from.
"Okay," she said gently, falling back into the silence that seemed their constant companion.
It only took them a few minutes of silent walking, to turn their heads towards each other, both of them starting to hear a faint voice in the distance.
"There are a lot of people," Bella stated calmly, not slowing her walk, "I smell a lot of blood."
"You're fine, right?" Jacob asked, never really trusting any vampire's control. He knew what instincts were, knew the savage control they had over any actions.
"Of course, I'm fine," Bella assured him, but Jacob could see that she had stopped taking fake breaths, "It's his funeral, Jacob."
Jacob gulped, not having considered that, the fear of having to stop Bella from slaughtering half of the town having been a priority.
"When did Rachel call?" he asked, feeling his skin tingle, nervousness and fear creeping into his pores.
"Two days ago. Are you sure you want to go?"
They kept walking, the voice getting louder and clearer to their ears, heartbeats drumming, sobs mixing with the rush of the ocean and the whispering of the trees.
"Yeah. We'll just… wait behind the trees," Jacob decided, trying to sound stronger than he felt.
As they kept going, the voice suddenly disappeared, only sobs and breaths mingling with the sounds of nature.
"We're almost there," Jacob said, and a few minutes later, they could see light casting between the trees, the forest making room for a vast meadow, which held the graveyard.
Bella and Jacob both slowed down their steps, careful to stay hidden behind the trees as they approached as far as they could, keeping a safe distance.
A large group of people was gathered in a circle on the graveyard, all of them solemnly quiet. It was difficult to make out any faces, many of them were carrying umbrellas to hold back the filigree rain drops, most were turned away from where Jacob and Bella hid between the trees.
"Do you think he knows I'm here?" Jacob asked, trying to swallow the knot in his throat. His voice was husky, thick with the tears he was trying to hold at bay.
"Oh, Jacob," Bella whispered, moving closer to him, shivers running up Jacob's arm as she intertwined her fingers with his, "I'm sure he does."
The two of them stood there, completely immobile, their hands forming one. Jacob grasped her hand tighter, knowing he could not hurt her so easily, ignoring how wrong this felt.
"I deserted him, Bella. I just left him."
"Jacob," Bella whispered, leaning her head against his side, "Don't do this to yourself. He knew, Jacob. He understood."
Jacob tore his eyes away from the mourners, looking down at Bella's head resting against him, her eyes closed, her fingers holding on to his.
"I'm his son, Bella. I should have been there for him," he answered, mesmerized by the shadows that Bella's lashes were casting against her white skin, the feeling of her fingertips drawing tiny circled in his palm.
Bella said nothing, did nothing but stay by his side.
The sudden sound of footsteps coming into their direction caused the both of them to jerk apart, Bella's instinctively revealing her teeth.
"We should go," she said as they watched the man approach, his slow steps not disguising his determination.
Bella had already turned around, making a quick step back when Jacob caught her arm.
"Wait," he said, concentrating, eying the man's face intently, knowing he was stared back at, "That's Embry."
Bella turned around, wiggling out of Jacob's grip and casting a clearer gaze at the approaching figure.
Jacob felt his stomach clench, his heartbeat race, memories of getting drunk for the first time, stealing dirty magazines from the local store, days spent in the garage working on scrap metal flooding his mind like a tornado, everything crushing down on him.
Embry had reached the line of the trees, slowly stepping over fallen branches, his eyes never leaving the two dreamlike figures standing within the forest.
He came to a halt a few yards away from them, his face marked with wonder, eyes flickering between Bella and Jacob.
The three old friends were silent for a few minutes, just staring at each other, surprised gripping a strong hold on their minds.
"Jake? Bella?" Embry finally said very quietly, as if he were afraid to burst a bubble if he spoke too loudly.
Jacob had not expected to actually meet someone, although he could not deny having thought about what his old friends were doing on many occasions. But he had come to terms with the belief that he would never know, that they had stepped out of his life eternally. But here he stood in front of his old best friend, feeling as if he just met a stranger.
Embry was still well built, not as pronounced as he had been the last time they had met, but he looked healthy, his shoulder-length black hair shimmering with a hint of grey in the somber light. His face looked so much older, fine wrinkles around his eyes, deep laugh lines framing his lips.
"Why are you here?" he asked, not accusingly, but with honest confusion, his eyes now glued on Jacob.
"Rachel called," Jacob answered shortly, still not sure how to behave. It felt like a déja vu, seeing his old friend. But he had not been his friend in too long. They knew nothing about each other anymore.
"Oh," Embry murmured, the proof of his grief now evident on his face.
"We thought we should… visit," Bella explained, her voice careful, probing how far she could go. Where the new lines were.
Embry nodded, his eyes searching for Jacob again.
"You haven't aged a day," he almost whispered with a mesmerized undertone.
Jacob laughed bitterly, feeling Bella tense next to him.
"Believe me, I have."
There was an awkward silence, and Embry did not quite seem to understand the weight of Jacob's words. Jacob suddenly felt Bella's hand press against his back, out of Embry's sight, steadying him.
"So, how are Leah and Seth?" Embry asked, and the sadness in his voice was deafening.
"Seth imprinted a couple of years ago and left. I'm sure he's fine, you know him," Jacob told him, trying his best to sound casual. Like he was telling his life story to an old friend at a class reunion, "And Leah, well, she gets softer with the years."
Embry laughed unbelievingly - he sounded almost exactly as Jacob remembered.
"How is everyone else?" Jacob asked, his guts wrenching. Did he want to know? Was he willing to let his dreams and fantasies be crushed?
"Oh, everyone is fine, really. Same old, same old, here. Nothing new on the western front," Embry chuckled, a sound so unusual and unfitting coming from a grown up man. For a second, Jacob wondered if standing here in front of his old best friend who probably looked like he had emerged from a dream, Embry was catapulted back into the past. Into easier times.
"That's good. Good," Jacob mumbled, feeling the pressure of Bella's hand against the fabric of his shirt increase. He wondered if she was holding on to him more than he was steadying himself on her touch.
"Have you visited Charlie yet, Bella?" Embry asked, looking at Bella with the tiniest hint of instinctual suspicion.
"No, we just arrived, actually. He's over there, I guess? I think I'll stop by tomorrow," Bella answered, her eyes - full of sadness - looking over to the slowly dissolving crowd of mourners.
Embry nodded, burring his hands in his pockets.
"How long are you planning to stay?" he asked, directing the question more at Bella than Jacob.
"I don't think more than a few days," she answered, barely able to tear her eyes away from scanning the crowd for her father.
"Okay," Embry murmured, "It's just... you shouldn't stay too long. I don't want my boys to… you know."
"You have sons?" Bella asked with an affectionate smile, her fingers digging into Jacob's back.
"Two," Embry said proudly, his head turning back to the crowd. They must be there, as well.
Jacob felt more guilt stirring inside of him at the idea of people attending his father's funeral he had never met, who had been around when he was not.
"I should be heading back. I'll tell the boys that the… smell is nothing to worry about," Embry explained, casting a short apologetic glance at Bella, who was shaking her head, smiling, "Okay, then…I guess it's goodbye."
Jacob and Bella only nodded, knowing that there would be no hugs, no hands to shake. They were no longer parts of each other's worlds.
Embry glanced at them for a few more seconds, sighing, before he turned around without another word, walking back across the lawn towards the smaller crowd of mourners, leaving Bella and Jacob alone.
"Let's go," Jacob said with a thick voice, not able to bear standing here hidden behind the tress for another second while others got the chance to say goodbye to his own father.
x
Bella felt lost in the woods of La Push, woods she had never been to since her change, and Jacob could see her insecurity in her eyes as he led the way, his steps quick, harsh, angry.
It did not take them long, soon the forest was getting lighter again, and when a glimpse of red peeked out between the line of trees, Jacob turned to look at Bella again, who had slowed down, her eyes fixed on the familiar red house that stood so nearby.
"Jacob," she whispered, stepping forward, her hand finding his arm.
"Come on," he urged gently, quickly walking closer, her cold hand dropping from his arm. He could hear her following him, and as they reached the line of the trees, they stood at the back of his makeshift garage.
"It's still here," Bella whispered in wonder, a bitter smile tingling on her lips, "Do you think we should…"
She waved her pale arm in the direction of the garage, looking up at Jacob questioningly. He was staring blankly ahead, the fact that their old temple was really still here making him feel oddly hopeful.
Without verbally answering Bella's question, he started to approach the garage, turning the corner, Bella close behind him, until he reached the entrance. He did not dare to peek at his old house only a few yards away, fearing the rush of guilt that was sure to come.
The entrance to the garage was barricaded with wooden pallets, the green moss covering them indicating that they had been standing her for a long time without anyone entering what they kept safe.
Jacob grabbed the old wood carefully, lifting the pallets from the ground and leaning them against the wall next to the entrance.
Breathing deeply, Jacob turned around, seeing Bella check their surroundings nervously.
"Hey, it's okay," he reassured her, drawing her attention to the open door, "Ladies first."
Bella laughed, the sound as clear as ice, burning Jacob's chest from the inside. He felt shivers running down his spine as Bella brushed his side stepping past him and into the garage. Not knowing if she was aware of his reaction, Jacob swallowed, following her inside.
"Oh God," Bella whispered, pressing her flat hand against her mouth as she took a look around.
Two rusty dirt bikes were leaning against the wall, a pair of greasy cut-off jeans lay on a chair, a few cans of unopened soda stood on the work bench, stray tools scattered across the floor.
"He didn't change a thing," Jacob whispered more to himself than to Bella, his fingers gliding along the handle bar of one of the bikes. It felt just like it had the last time he had touched it. Everything in here looked as it had when he had left. There was only more dust. And the Rabbit had to be disposed of after Jacob officially died in a car accident.
He looked over to where Bella stood by his work bench, her fingertips tracing a dusty can of soda.
"I wish this was still ours," she whispered so quietly that Jacob had to listen carefully to hear her. His forehead wrinkled in confusion.
"What are you talking about?"
Bella never stopped tracing her pale finger along the opening of the can, her eyes empty. Jacob slowly stepped closer to her, keeping a distance between them - she was scaring him.
"All this. I wish it would never have changed."
"It didn't, Bella. Don't you see? It all looks just as it did when I left. My Dad probably never went in here," Jacob said dryly, caught between wanting to lighten Bella's mood and the horrible feeling of his dreams laying here hidden beneath dust.
"Everything changed, Jacob. I wish… it hadn't," Bella whispered just a notch louder than before, turning her head to look at Jacob, her golden eyes glassy, her soul open for him to read.
He took a step closer, feeling the tension between them charge with every inch he approached her, his heart beating against his ribcage.
"Are you saying… you wish that things were different? That you had made a different choice?"
It could not be. Hearing Bella say those words felt more surreal than suddenly standing in the setting of his dreams. He tried to remember a single moment in which Bella had seemed to regret her choice, or longed for a different life. Not finding a debris of a memory, Jacob started wondering who this girl talking to him really was, how many secrets she was truly hiding.
"If I could turn back time… I'd choose you, Jake," Bella whispered, taking one slow step closer to him so she was standing right in front of him, looking up into his eyes, into his soul.
Jake.
She had stopped calling him that many years ago, at a time when Jake had slowly been dying, had disappeared.
Jacob was sure his mind was playing tricks on him, that he was sleeping and that all this was a dream. But when Bella placed her cold hand on his chest, pressing against his rapidly beating heart, the coldness causing him to shiver, he knew he had never felt anything so real.
Suddenly, anger started to boil inside of him like a white flame, rushing through his veins, fire burning behind his eyes. Why now? Why did she have to come to this conclusion now, now that everything was too late and nothing would make a difference anymore?
Rage took over, savage instinct needing to revenge the pain he had to go through all these years, vengeance for when she had left him shattered in his bed, bones broken, heart torn out. Payback for every single moment he had wished he had never let her pull him down with her.
Before Jacob knew, his lips were pressed brutally against a pair of cold, stone hard but smooth lips, Bella's hands clinging to his shoulder, pushing herself closer against him, her entire cold body pressed against him, his hands gripping her waist so tightly he was sure she must break apart beneath his touch.
They were pushing against each other like fighting animals, Bella's fingers travelling up his shoulder to the nape of his neck, pulling at his hair, the deep groan that rumbled in his chest vibrating against her chest.
A grunt of pain echoed through the makeshift garage as Bella pulled herself up, almost crushing Jacob's waist as she wrapped her legs tightly around him, grinding her middle against his denim-strained erection, her lips never releasing his. His only chance was breathing through his noise, her painfully sweet scent watering his eyes and he walked blindly until Bella crushed into the workbench, the wood cracking. Neither of them cared as Jacob pushed her down onto the surface, her legs never faltering in their death grip.
Jacob pushed himself against Bella's middle, feeling her a slight bit warmer than the rest of her body, his hand roughly stroking up and down her back before slipping beneath her blouse, cupping her breast in his hand, her moan drowned out against his lips. His thumb brushed against her erect nipple, his hips pushing faster against her, her fingertips scratching down his chest, before ripping roughly at his belt, the fastener breaking with a metallic snap.
Bella roughly unzipped his jeans, just carefully enough so the zipper did not rip, pushing his jeans down over his hips along with his boxers, the fabric gathering around Jacob's knees.
He groaned loudly as he pushed his bare erection against the rough denim of Bella's jeans, both of his hands now roughly kneading her breast, her moans just loud enough against his mouth to make his abdomen clench.
Just as he removed one of his hands from underneath her blouse, cold fingers suddenly grasped his erection, pulling it closer, stroking up and down so fast Jacob had no time to really perceive the coolness. His fist knocked onto the wooden surface, leaving a dent behind, a change in this flawlessly conserved memory.
Why now?
Ripping apart the button and zipper of her jeans, Jacob lifted Bella from the bench, her shriek muted. He pulled her jeans and panties down her pale legs, not bothering to push them past her ankles. Bella grasped his erection tighter, her free hand wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer, always closer.
Grabbing her waist, Jacob pulled her to the edge of the work bench, her jeans preventing her from spreading her legs any wider, just enough for him to step in between, his erection brushing against her core, the wolf inside him screaming at him to run and never come back, a much deeper primal instinct making him push forward in one raw, brutal thrust.
Their fighting lips finally jerked apart, Bella's scream muted as she buried her face in the crook of his neck, her hands digging hard into his back, Jacob's groan causing his entire body to tremble.
She was so much warmer inside than on the outside, the contrast between her cold arms wrapped around his neck and her wrapped around him so intense that Jacob could only wonder how warm she would be if she were still human.
As he pulled back and thrust back in, feeling Bella cling to him desperately, her hips jerking forward to meet his every hard thrust, his mind started to wonder how this should have happened. The rage that kept him going only increased at that thought, knowing that this was so wrong and nothing like it should be, the frustration causing him to thrust even harder, his thighs beginning to get sore from slapping against hers over and over again.
This should have been so different. He would have taken his time, he would have been nervous as hell, but as happy as one could be, he would have worshipped her, kissed away any embarrassment. He would have loved her like she deserved to be loved.
But it was too late. His breathing became erratic, his abdomen tightening more and more, Bella's hands around him increasing their grip, her moans against his skin sending shivers all over his skin.
"Bella," he groaned huskily, barely able to speak, his hips thrusting always harder, his fingers digging deep into her marble skin.
"Jake," Bella whispered against his skin, the soft sound of his nickname sending Jacob over the edge, crushing Bella's twitching body against his, his deep groan muffled by her hair against his face, his arms and legs trembling from the effort, the world shattering around him.
Jacob's heart was pounding violently against his chest, his vice grip on Bella slowly weakening. She was immobile in his arms, making no sound, taking no breath. But then, he felt it. A soft, gentle, almost shy brush of cold lips against his shoulder.
Jacob closed his eyes, fighting back the urge to kiss the top of her head. This was wrong. A mistake. Against every scarce thing that still made sense these days.
He stepped backwards instead, removing himself from Bella entirely, not daring to look into her eyes as he pulled up his boxers and jeans.
"Jacob-"
"We should go back to the hotel. We can come back tomorrow so you can visit Charlie," he interrupted her, trying hard not to hear the sadness in her voice. Walking back to the entrance of the garage, Jacob dared one glance at Bella, who was pulling up her jeans, trying her best to hold them to her hips when the button was lying somewhere on the floor and the zipper was broken. But what caused Jacob's chest to contract painfully was the humiliated, devastated look on her pale face. For a second, she looked just like his Bells, and he wanted nothing more than to kiss away the pain.
But she was not. And so Jacob stepped outside into the sprinkling rain, hoping that the water would wash her scent and taste off him. Maybe even her memory.
part 5