...I don’t really wanna fight no more, this is time for letting go...
I miss the old Josh.
I miss that Josh that would stare at me, and then when I asked him what he was doing just answer "you're so beautiful." I miss the Josh that wrote me poems that had deep meaning and proved his love to me. I miss those calls whenever he just woke up, and wanted to tell me he loved me. I missed when we'd drive around in his Buick together. I miss walking down the hall with his hand on the small of my back. I miss the cards, and the flowers. I miss the tisses. I miss the way he wanted to include me in his life. I miss the way he stay at my house untill I feel asleep. I miss the way that he'd hold me when I was sad. I miss the way he'd hold my hand in public. I miss the songs hed write and play for me on his guitar. But most of all...I missed that special way he loved me.
But stupid fucking me took all that for granted, and now have none of it.
When I think of what we've been through the past three years, I don't understand where things went wrong. Everything was soooooo good, even when he decided that he didn't think I was better than her. In my mind, it was just something we both needed to realize how much we meant to each other. I never stopped loving him since the summer before sophomore year. I knew then that someday, somehow, I was going to get back together with him someday. That boy was the center of my life. People envied us. We were perfect for each other. He was the blue eyed boy, and I was the brown haired girl. (I forgot what song thats from).
Now, as I'm sittin in my bed thinking about our relationship, there is so many things I wished I would have changed. Though I'm not only to blame for our relationship cracking, I know I did a lot to cause it. I think if we both could have admitted there was a problem when it first started, we might be together today. Things just spun out of control. I wish it wouldn't have, but I guess thats when happen when teenagers grow into adults.
But for the time being, we can't be together now. There is just to much stuff we've got to get right. I'm trying really hard, honestly I think I am. But if he means as much as he says I do, then I think he should try too. I know that things aren't going to be like junior year, but I want to have the guy that everyone else wants too. I want him to respect me like he used to, and show me that he loves me. I also would love for him to keep his word to me. Those are the things I want most.
I'm leaving for college soon, and though I won't be that far away, I'll be far enough away where I won't get to see him once a week like I do now. I want to get shit straight before I leave so that maybe my time away will not only help us, but strengthen our relationship. It's less than a month away, and I want both of us to charish the time we still have left together. I pray for us every night.
I've started wearing his ring again. Not to show that I'm dating him, but to show that my heart belongs to him, and that I do have faith in our relationship. At work tonight, I was just gazing at it, and realized exactly how beautiful it really is.
Hopefully one day we will be able to see if things can work out again. Who knows. Maybe we will both meet someone else. No matter what happens though, I think Josh will always be one of my best friends. We may not make it as a couple, but we can make it as friends.
If there is one thing I want him to know, I want him to know that I love him so much, and admire everything he does for me. I want him to know that no matter what happens, or how many miles are between us, or where ever life takes us, I'm always there for him. If theres anything else I want him to know, I want him to know I'm sorry for everything I've ever done wrong to him. I don't like hurting him.
Since 6-3-03... My love stands stong.
Till then, comment away. Say what you want. Give me advice, I don't care. Leave the love.
Till next time America...
I miss that Josh that would stare at me, and then when I asked him what he was doing just answer "you're so beautiful." I miss the Josh that wrote me poems that had deep meaning and proved his love to me. I miss those calls whenever he just woke up, and wanted to tell me he loved me. I missed when we'd drive around in his Buick together. I miss walking down the hall with his hand on the small of my back. I miss the cards, and the flowers. I miss the tisses. I miss the way he wanted to include me in his life. I miss the way he stay at my house untill I feel asleep. I miss the way that he'd hold me when I was sad. I miss the way he'd hold my hand in public. I miss the songs hed write and play for me on his guitar. But most of all...I missed that special way he loved me.
But stupid fucking me took all that for granted, and now have none of it.
When I think of what we've been through the past three years, I don't understand where things went wrong. Everything was soooooo good, even when he decided that he didn't think I was better than her. In my mind, it was just something we both needed to realize how much we meant to each other. I never stopped loving him since the summer before sophomore year. I knew then that someday, somehow, I was going to get back together with him someday. That boy was the center of my life. People envied us. We were perfect for each other. He was the blue eyed boy, and I was the brown haired girl. (I forgot what song thats from).
Now, as I'm sittin in my bed thinking about our relationship, there is so many things I wished I would have changed. Though I'm not only to blame for our relationship cracking, I know I did a lot to cause it. I think if we both could have admitted there was a problem when it first started, we might be together today. Things just spun out of control. I wish it wouldn't have, but I guess thats when happen when teenagers grow into adults.
But for the time being, we can't be together now. There is just to much stuff we've got to get right. I'm trying really hard, honestly I think I am. But if he means as much as he says I do, then I think he should try too. I know that things aren't going to be like junior year, but I want to have the guy that everyone else wants too. I want him to respect me like he used to, and show me that he loves me. I also would love for him to keep his word to me. Those are the things I want most.
I'm leaving for college soon, and though I won't be that far away, I'll be far enough away where I won't get to see him once a week like I do now. I want to get shit straight before I leave so that maybe my time away will not only help us, but strengthen our relationship. It's less than a month away, and I want both of us to charish the time we still have left together. I pray for us every night.
I've started wearing his ring again. Not to show that I'm dating him, but to show that my heart belongs to him, and that I do have faith in our relationship. At work tonight, I was just gazing at it, and realized exactly how beautiful it really is.
Hopefully one day we will be able to see if things can work out again. Who knows. Maybe we will both meet someone else. No matter what happens though, I think Josh will always be one of my best friends. We may not make it as a couple, but we can make it as friends.
If there is one thing I want him to know, I want him to know that I love him so much, and admire everything he does for me. I want him to know that no matter what happens, or how many miles are between us, or where ever life takes us, I'm always there for him. If theres anything else I want him to know, I want him to know I'm sorry for everything I've ever done wrong to him. I don't like hurting him.
Since 6-3-03... My love stands stong.
Till then, comment away. Say what you want. Give me advice, I don't care. Leave the love.
Till next time America...