mid life crisis already?
hello y'all. did u miss me? this is my second journal entry this month! god im getting good... or am i just lonely? oh man, how EMO!
sooooo i think i am in my mid life crisis at 23. im in such a dull mood lately... feeling out of the loop, but in the loop, or at least not letting anybody know it. maybe im getting too good at not letting other people know how i feel?
ive become so cynical! i can't tell anybody how im REALLY feeling, at the risk of being judged as cheesey, or "young", or over rated... god, humans same too many of the same emotions with each other. we just refuse to believe we can understand what each other is going through. why are we so self centered in a secretive way? im not preaching to the choir, i am exactly like this too. when someone tells me they have a crush on someone, first thought? WHO CARES. when somebody tells me they have a lot of homework? first thought? GET OVER IT. it's not that i dislike the person or im trying to be rude. maybe im just too old and washed up? been there done that, like the tee shirt? god i used to be so sensitive...
its weird. i have everything i need right now. i feel good about where my life is giong. but for some reason im not "feeling it"... it's not that i expect that things should be better. im just like uh, ok this is what i waited for for so long... and now that its here im just chillin. maybe that's a good thing? maybe i should just be thankful there is no drama, no worries, for once.... god where has my positive outlook gone? im such a baby
what makes me the biggest baby is ET. god, what am i doing to myself? am i to really believe we'll have 5 ET babies like i imagined? that we would watch movies and cuddle on my 1970s bright orange couch? and wake up, take showers together, and eat raviolies for breakfast? tooo caught up. it's not that serious richi. i hate that my motto is "do something about it"... cause i fear that if i dont ever tell him how i really feel, ill regret it. but i might regret telling him too... maybe not so if i move out of boston next year and never see him again?
its like, i dont even talk about boys, or about him to anyone else cause whats' the use? nothing will ever happen anyway. but at the same time i cant forget about him. everything reminds me of him. everything. i probably think about him the most out of any guy ive ever liked or dated. yet i talk about him the least out of any guy ive ever liked or dated.
ugh being gay sux.
ok. im teaching a CRAZY lesson tomorrow in school. i must sleep so i can feel prepared. GINA I LUV U AND MISS U AND THINK ABOUT U EVERYDAY. WRITE ME AN EMAIL ALREADY!
JAMIE - i miss u doll. hope everything is going well down there. xoox.
ET - STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!
nite, richi.
sooooo i think i am in my mid life crisis at 23. im in such a dull mood lately... feeling out of the loop, but in the loop, or at least not letting anybody know it. maybe im getting too good at not letting other people know how i feel?
ive become so cynical! i can't tell anybody how im REALLY feeling, at the risk of being judged as cheesey, or "young", or over rated... god, humans same too many of the same emotions with each other. we just refuse to believe we can understand what each other is going through. why are we so self centered in a secretive way? im not preaching to the choir, i am exactly like this too. when someone tells me they have a crush on someone, first thought? WHO CARES. when somebody tells me they have a lot of homework? first thought? GET OVER IT. it's not that i dislike the person or im trying to be rude. maybe im just too old and washed up? been there done that, like the tee shirt? god i used to be so sensitive...
its weird. i have everything i need right now. i feel good about where my life is giong. but for some reason im not "feeling it"... it's not that i expect that things should be better. im just like uh, ok this is what i waited for for so long... and now that its here im just chillin. maybe that's a good thing? maybe i should just be thankful there is no drama, no worries, for once.... god where has my positive outlook gone? im such a baby
what makes me the biggest baby is ET. god, what am i doing to myself? am i to really believe we'll have 5 ET babies like i imagined? that we would watch movies and cuddle on my 1970s bright orange couch? and wake up, take showers together, and eat raviolies for breakfast? tooo caught up. it's not that serious richi. i hate that my motto is "do something about it"... cause i fear that if i dont ever tell him how i really feel, ill regret it. but i might regret telling him too... maybe not so if i move out of boston next year and never see him again?
its like, i dont even talk about boys, or about him to anyone else cause whats' the use? nothing will ever happen anyway. but at the same time i cant forget about him. everything reminds me of him. everything. i probably think about him the most out of any guy ive ever liked or dated. yet i talk about him the least out of any guy ive ever liked or dated.
ugh being gay sux.
ok. im teaching a CRAZY lesson tomorrow in school. i must sleep so i can feel prepared. GINA I LUV U AND MISS U AND THINK ABOUT U EVERYDAY. WRITE ME AN EMAIL ALREADY!
JAMIE - i miss u doll. hope everything is going well down there. xoox.
ET - STOP IT! JUST STOP IT!
nite, richi.