RANDOM THOUGHTS on the NATURE of the AFTERLIFE...
There is something hard in the transition after grief.
The curtain of ignorance comes down (momentarily now, more permanently later I'm sure) and covers the deeper thoughts that were prominent during the aftermath - thoughts of my own mortality, mainly - yet this deeper revelation is the very thing that drives us to create things in this world that become our greatest achievements.
What frightened me most about watching my mother's death was something deep, so deep I didn't have words for it at the time. This all has to do with the unknown. And what if my faith is misplaced and there is mere annihilation at the end? What if there is no god, no power, no meaning other than random chemistry and astrophysics?
What can outlast the great precession of time?
The Great Leveller, I call it. That which insures that whatever pursuits we had as living mehums, whatever legacy is left by the end results of those pursuits, it will not matter in the long run. My life of underachievement will be vindicated by the winds of change and the sands of time, as it were. Because none of it lasts. The great pyramids of Egypt will one day cease to exist, just like the ultimate demise of my mother's artwork and my own; none of it impacts the final result. What does matter if, knowing this simple fact, I search for something to grasp while I'm still alive? I am reduced to the living moment and nothing more.
According to some teachings, this is the ultimate lesson and if learned properly, will guide us to more meaningful lives, not less. Because life is not about the things acquired or status achieved but about the raw experience that is digested. If one believes in the immortality of the soul (and I'm agnostic in this case) and 'you can't take it with you' then the digested experiences of our mortal lifetimes on this planet are all we have left.
Which begs the question - what do we do with these, once we're 'gone'?
I myself would be happiest to flow into the sea of consciousness and disappear forever. Except for those moments when I cling to my life, refusing to give up, refusing to see what my eyes have shown me - that nothing survives, no monument to man will ever outlast the exploding sun or the sheer weight of time.
Eventually, it all goes.
Even god disappears...
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