I hate myself so much right now
It's 7:30 in the morning I havent been to bed yet and i feel like i could die right now. I hate myself. billy called me, we made small talk, I was at abby's, she was horny, he came over, they attempted to fuck she didn't like it and we ended up having sex while billy sat on the other bed and watched. I haven't stopped thinking about what I've just done. Abby is my bestfriend, she's there for me when NO ONE else is and yet i felt so discusting having sex with her, because she's not the one I love. I've never felt this way before. I always joke around with some of my old fuck buddies about 'doin' it' but when it comes down to it I back off but tonight i was drunk and i was in one of those situations where i was like "if i back out she's gonna get pissed and i dont want to hurt her feelings" but i just wanted to cry, i kept closing my eyes and praying that when i opened them I would see someone else and not abby or billy, it never worked. I'm sitting here so lost, i dont even know what I'm thinking anymore. I regret tonight.
xoxo's
Ashley
xoxo's
Ashley