fuck
I am so out of my mind right and havent been myself at all. I am at all time max stress level and I dont know if i can handle it. I am trying my hardest but everything I do I feel is a piece of shit. I dont know why i am in photo school I cant even take a decent picture. I look at everyone else work and mine is shit
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Well let me first say its good to see you actually write something in your lj or have some contact with the internet world.. I was starting to worry about you... even when you didnt respond to my myspace message.
Max stress level for sure with phase 3. Kyle Im sure youre work does not suck one bit. Ive seen some of your work and that didnt suck. I totally know how it feels to look at everyones work and think yours is shit. I did that every single day. Hallmark also picks their favorites so that just makes you dwell even more. Someones works might be better then yours.. but you have your own style and someone could pick your work over theirs. Your work could be better than someone elses. You need to just be happy with what you are shooting even if it kills you.
Kyle it all comes down to portfolio time. One of the dudes failed my portfolio while the other two passed it. Its all about what kind of style someone likes. If you put your heart, your effort, and your time into your work and dont slack you will have no problem with it. Ive had several interviews kyle and you will be so surprised when people see your work and are like OMG i love it! Youre sitting there going? you do? Its all about completing the phases and than after hallmark its about finding a job.
I mean how do you think i feel? I went to ohio.. i had to move back cuz of money and i hated it there. I have no job in photography now. I just got my first loan payment. I have no job. I wake up everyday and say "sweet waisted another day away" I really dont have any passion to be a photographer anymore... but i do at the same time.
Now.. stop feeling bad for yourself. Realize that it was your DREAM to go to hallmark and do the best you can do. You'll never get anywhere in life if you compair yourself to other people.. and just give up. If youre going to compair yourself to other people then you need to STRIVE to be like them and DO IT! You can always ask me for help and im SERIOUS... you can always ask your professors.. anyone.
Please feel free to ask me anything kyle... and if you need someone to vent to about hallmark im here. Same number and im at my moms. If you need models get at me. Anything.. just dont give up on yourself or photography.
<3 Heather
P.S. I found this.. you wrote this to me when I was in Ohio.. and i want you to read it and remember what you told me. I saved this so that everytime im down i can read what you wrote.. now i want you to read it and think about it. k.
Heather your are not worthless. You are an amazing person you just need to realize that for yourself. Who cares what others think fuck them. You need to make yourself happy first and formost and you cant get so down on yourself. You do make people happy I know this for a fact but you need to make yourself happy thats the most important thing. I know its rough right now and your in a transition period trying to figure out what your gonna do but you NEED to be positive. I cant even count all the times I felt the same way as you but you told me to think postive and that things will work out. I know that this is what everyone will say and its repeated over and over but its soo true. When something goes bad just laugh at it and say tomorrow will be my day and make it your day everyday. You just need to see whats good in your life and focus on that and the bad will get better. Trust me I know. I never thought I would get into school and look at me I am going to school. You are loved by all your friends and family and you know I will be here for you. Just keep your chin up things WILL work out. <3
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