(no subject)
Okay, am I the only one who believes I'm fucked up? Certainly not, so feel free to tell me. Or smack me with a brick. Ah yes, JUST FUCKING KILL ME!!! Sorry... a little depressive right now. Seriously, there's so much shit going on I can't handle it. I've lost so many friends over the summer, I'm in love with a guy I have to wait 2 years to see, I finally went shopping yesterday. My dad works his ass off to support us and for once my mom didn't go out and buy some more fucking alcohol, yes my mom's an alcoholic. Not just someone who drinks sometimes, this is something I've had to deal with ever since I could remember, something she does every other night. I pray she'll make it to my own wedding but lucky me, probably not since she's been smoking and drinking consistently since she was like 18. This is why Chrissy never comes to visit and I miss her like hell. Okay so anyway... back to my complaining. I hate myself. I complain too much but it makes me feel better, I love drawing but I suck at it, I'm either too organized or have obsessive compulsive disorder, I'm a perfectionist when it comes to things like art and such, I'm too sensitive, I'm too shy around people, I don't trust people easily, I don't like the way I look, I don't like the way I act, I love singing but hate my voice, I'm scared of the dark, I'm scared of clowns, I make alot of bad choices, I don't try hard enough in school, and oh so much more but as I'm typing this I realize I should be grateful for things... things like music? Yes yes, that's what I'm grateful for.