busy, or about to be
okay, i am taking the only free time i am going to have in the next 3 weeks to update.
yesterday afternoon, something happened. i snapped. not the yell and scream and be all childish and tell everyone you hate them snapped, but i guess you can call it an ephiphany. i was in daytona buying my bro a birthday present, and when i was driving back to stetson, i just got onto I95 and drove all the way back to my house, and it wasnt until i was laying on my couch that it hit me...im at my house, what the hell did i just do? but i had a long talk with my parents, and the most important person to me, about my life, and my future, and whats next. i realized a lot of things.
i had a really nice talk with my english teacher today about some of my future decisions, and she is really cool. i feel semi-confident about what i am about to do, but i am in for a very rough, tough and busy 3 weeks; that is for sure.
isnt it funny how you have so much to say in your head, but when you actually get it all out, it seems to disappear? i have been writing a lot and basically getting all my thoughts down so i can see them in front of me, and in some strange, theraputic way, it really has helped. i cant change the past, and there are some things that i just have to accept might happen in the future. i have to realize that my life can never be perfect, my problems are so mediocre compared to those of others, if i fuck up - its my fault, i have to stop making excuses, start doing what i need to do, and i need to grow up - sooner rather than later. i also have to realize that love is something that doesnt happen often, but in order to fully understand it, and to fully receive it, sometimes you have to let it go, and i have to realize that sometimes the love of your life doesnt see you the same way, or maybe they do, but cant at this time, and that at the end of the day, when everyone is gone, and all of my friends have left me, and i am all alone, my family is still there, for better or worse, they were, still and will continue to be there. i have to begin to transition into the part of my life that will be the hardest, and that is going from being a fun kid, to being a fun adult, two words that generally cant go together, but the hard part is making them fit like two puzzle pieces.
i realized that at the end of the day, at the end of the month, the year, the decade, life will still go on. i may not end up where i intentionally planned to go, but i will always be where i am supposed to be. and i am just fine with that.
yesterday afternoon, something happened. i snapped. not the yell and scream and be all childish and tell everyone you hate them snapped, but i guess you can call it an ephiphany. i was in daytona buying my bro a birthday present, and when i was driving back to stetson, i just got onto I95 and drove all the way back to my house, and it wasnt until i was laying on my couch that it hit me...im at my house, what the hell did i just do? but i had a long talk with my parents, and the most important person to me, about my life, and my future, and whats next. i realized a lot of things.
i had a really nice talk with my english teacher today about some of my future decisions, and she is really cool. i feel semi-confident about what i am about to do, but i am in for a very rough, tough and busy 3 weeks; that is for sure.
isnt it funny how you have so much to say in your head, but when you actually get it all out, it seems to disappear? i have been writing a lot and basically getting all my thoughts down so i can see them in front of me, and in some strange, theraputic way, it really has helped. i cant change the past, and there are some things that i just have to accept might happen in the future. i have to realize that my life can never be perfect, my problems are so mediocre compared to those of others, if i fuck up - its my fault, i have to stop making excuses, start doing what i need to do, and i need to grow up - sooner rather than later. i also have to realize that love is something that doesnt happen often, but in order to fully understand it, and to fully receive it, sometimes you have to let it go, and i have to realize that sometimes the love of your life doesnt see you the same way, or maybe they do, but cant at this time, and that at the end of the day, when everyone is gone, and all of my friends have left me, and i am all alone, my family is still there, for better or worse, they were, still and will continue to be there. i have to begin to transition into the part of my life that will be the hardest, and that is going from being a fun kid, to being a fun adult, two words that generally cant go together, but the hard part is making them fit like two puzzle pieces.
i realized that at the end of the day, at the end of the month, the year, the decade, life will still go on. i may not end up where i intentionally planned to go, but i will always be where i am supposed to be. and i am just fine with that.