Arguments For Creation

[xlatedawnsx]

I recently got into a bit of a debate with a friend. Evolution vs. creation, and I was arguing for evolution. I unashamedly stole this from Uncyclopedia.

• The 'just look around you' argument (Lookus aroundus):

This argument is articulated as follows: Look around at the trees and other shit. Where could they have come from? The fact of evolution states that everything evolved by random mutation and selection over several billion years, which is way too long for a six thousand and ten year-old universe and is obviously not true. Therefore, God exists and God made it all. Bible says it, you believe it, and that's that. Also, it must have been my God, and not whatever crap pagan idol you worship, because clearly, only my real god could have created it.

• The Bible (Wholly Babbleus):

Neo-Darwinists refuse to take into account God's word in the Bible, which proves they have no interest in Bronze Age creation myths. God clearly says that he made the world in six days. In fact (and everything in the Bible is a fact, I just know it) it clearly states it twice, with things happening differently each time (Gen.1 & 2)...and since everything in it is absolutely and totally true this means that both versions happened, simultaneously. Wrap your brain around that, Mister Science! Who are you going to believe? A scientist, or God? Exactly. "The Bible says it, I believe it, that settles it."

• The No way did I come from a dirty stinkin' monkey argument (eeeeewwwus ickyus):

Monkeys are literally dirty stinkin' apes that throw feces at each other and have totally immoral sexual relations with their neighbor's wives that are an affront to traditional Christian values. They also have poor hygiene and never go to church. The religion of evolution says that we have a common ancestor with these horrible smelly apes. That clearly isn't true - because we find the idea absolutely disgusting. If we find the idea disgusting, we cannot have come from monkeys, therefore evolution is wrong, therefore God created us out of clay and fairy dust. Amen Q.E.D..

• The Where is the Missing Link argument (missingus linkii):

If birds came from dinosaurs and cats from dogs and LSD from mushrooms, why don't we see any fossils of dinosaurs with half developed wings, or meowing dogs, or mushrooms metamorphosing into tabs of acid, huh? Since there are no link fossils in the record, except for several hundred thousand of them, all evolution theory must be a load of crap, which means literal creationism must be the absolute truth. And seeing how the Bible's the Word of God, no further evidence is required. (And don't state "Because not everything forms a fossil" like the secular atheist you are: See The Bible Dosen't (sic) Say That Argument)

• The 'Well who the hell else did it' Argument (Wellum whos thesis Hellius elsio Dunnitius):

What else could have done it? A giant fucking spaceborn brain? Nuff said.

• The "Law of Entropy" Argument (Legus entropidius)

The Second Law of Thermodynamics says that shit gets shittier as time progresses. However, evolution postulates that shit starts off shitty and then gets less and less shitty. For this to happen, there would have to be some kind of giant ball of flaming gas supplying the earth with warmth and an imaginary phenomenon we'll call "flaming gas"-light, and this is just ridiculous.

• The "Old Tree" Argument (Pointus Mootus)

The oldest tree on earth is only a few thousand years old. This hands down proves creationism, because there should be older trees. duh.As you can see, creationism is the only possible way that we could have been created.....