Naruto: Sasuke x Naruto - Ideal

[xladyseraphx]

Title: Ideal
Rating: PG
Fandom: Naruto
Pairing: Uchiha Sasuke x Uzumaki Naruto
Disclaimer: Naruto doesn't belong to me. *sighs*
Warning(s): shounen-ai, one-shot
Summary: Naruto didn't match the image of Sasuke's ideal.
Notes: Unedited. A cute and fluffy one-shot that had been on my mind for months. Hope you enjoy!
Started: Monday, July 31, 2006
Completed:

Comments

[a_white_rain]

Do you accept constructive criticism?

[xladyseraphx]

Why yes, since it seems like my editor has disappeared to who-knows-where. She probably won't be back for a while...

Try not to be too harsh, ne? *smiles*

[a_white_rain]

First off, adding Japanese like ‘teme’ and ‘dobe’ really takes away from the narrative. Say ‘bastard’ or ‘dead last/idiot’.

Second thing that made me cringe was Sakura. She only showed up to make Naruto look good, in context of understating Sasuke. Last time I checked, Sakura was able to detect his pain and downward spiral before Naruto did. In fact, she knew he’d run away, while Naruto was sure he’s stay.

Finally, I can’t remember one time Sasuke has said ‘hn’ in canon. There’s no reason to add a typical ‘quiet badass’ trait when it goes against characterization. In fact, Sasuke has been known to speak quite freely in canon.

[xladyseraphx]

*grins* Okay! I made changes to the last two things you've said (hopefully it turned out a bit better ^^;;), but my writing style uses Japanese terms when it comes to addressing people. If it isn't what they'll usually say, then I'll use English. If it is then I'll use romaji. ^^;;

I hope that doesn't bother you too much. I did make changes to the other two things, though! ^^ Thanks for your constructive criticism! You weren't as harsh as some people I know >.> but that's a good thing!

[a_white_rain]

*grins* Okay! I made changes to the last two things you've said (hopefully it turned out a bit better ^^;;), but my writing style uses Japanese terms when it comes to addressing people. If it isn't what they'll usually say, then I'll use English.. If it is then I'll use romaji. ^^;;M
If you must you should use 'Sasuke-teme'. And I'm not sure where 'dobe' came from. He calls Naruto 'dead last'.

[xladyseraphx]

*smiles* I did my research and dobe means "dead last" ^^;; Well... on the forum it said "I agree with that. Dobe means the person who is the last one in a competition. It is a rather old Japanese word and not used so much now, I am told."

*blinks* Ano ne... does Sasuke-kun actually say "dead last" in English in the Japanese version? While watching the sub version, I'm quite certain he didn't.. but.. eh... I'm not usually good at picking up stuff like that.

[a_white_rain]

I read the manga, and it's translated to 'dead last'.

[xladyseraphx]

Ah, no wonder. ^^ I'm quite certain Sasuke-kun does say "dobe" in the Japanese anime version though.

[a_white_rain]

He also doesn't sat it all the time. He often calls Naruto 'Naruto'. It's just a bad idea to put in random Japanese when you can use English.

[xladyseraphx]

Perhaps not all the time, but when it comes to usuratonkachi, to me, it doesn't seem as special if I just used "idiot." After all, it is Sasuke-kun's "pet name" for Naruto-kun.

I suppose "dead last" would work, but again, it just doesn't sound as nice in English as it does in Japanese. Well, maybe not nice, but it is more of a Japanese thing then an English one. I don't think I've ever seen anyone going around calling anyone "dead last" where I live. ^^;;

Most people should know what I mean when I use "usuratonkachi", "dobe" and "teme" but maybe it would be best if I added in a glossary of sorts? Although... it is all over the internet...

[a_white_rain]

'Dobe' means 'dead last'. Why put in a glossary when you can use English.

I honeslty don't undrstand that.

[xladyseraphx]

I thought I just explained that... sorta. It's the matter of whether it sounds better in English or Japanese. Frankly, I believe it sounds better in Japanese.

I just prefer to stick with the Japanese way. The only other example I can think of right now is from Wolfram. It just wouldn't seem right to change "haha-ou" to Mother, or even worse, Mom. it lacks something when changed. A closer example would be his "hennachoko." It never sounds quite the same when he's growling, yelling, etc. it in English.

It's a matter of personal taste and writing style.

[a_white_rain]

When you're writing in English, you should keep it that way. Now some things can't translate well, like the -kun, -san, -chan, etc, but for things like 'dobe'='dead last' and 'teme'='bastard'...

It's a matter of the basics.

[xladyseraphx]

Actually, from the limited Japanese that I've learned in class, teme doesn't exactly mean bastard. It's an informal and very impolite way of saying "you"

I'm not quite sure about this one, but "yaro" is actually the way to say "bastard." I'm certain that "teme" doesn't mean bastard though. People just want to translate it that way since it's suppose to be inpolite in the first place.

I still believe it's a matter of personal taste on the matter. After all, you're the only one that commented on my Japanese usage in the fic.

[a_white_rain]

Still it doesn't matter. It takes away the flow from the narriative.

I still believe it's a matter of personal taste on the matter.. After all, you're the only one that commented on my Japanese usage in the fic.
Well, yeah, I don't have much GOOD to day about the SasuNaru fandom in general.

At any rate, putting in random Japanese is a bad idea. Basic stuff people.

[xladyseraphx]

Random Japanese is "OMG! That is like so kawaii!" That's what I think when I think random Japanese. Or "Demo... I hate apples." Not that I hate apples or anything... As for the usage, I think it would be a bad idea to use it in something like a Harry Potter fic.

I don't consider using the Japanese way of how they address each other as random. Random is what I wrote above and that is when I immediately click the 'back' button. I don't mind it when someone is using it to address someone though. There is a difference to when someone is saying it and when it's being used in a paragraph. Rest assured that I will never use the Japanese terms outside of quotes. But I will continue using it if I feel it should be.

To each his own.