uh wow.
Tomorrow marks 5 years that my grandma's been gone :/ March 5, 2005. <3
To make matters more interesting, my uncle dropped off her journals today when his family visited.
They date from September 23rd 1999-October 4, 2004.
I want to read them so badly, I want to be in her world because I feel like I missed something.
I flipped through them a little bit, starting at the 1st entry, my 8th birthday, through the weeks leading up to my grandpa's death, to the last entries.
It was telling to see how much she wrote when she first started, and how the last entries were single sentences at best.
It absolutely broke my heart to read the last entry, "October 4, 2004. No company this week, thats just my world."
I didn't read any further because I remembered her saying she didn't want anyone to read those.
She wanted them burned.
She said "When I go, they go."
Do I read them? Or do I put them away and ignore it altogether?
I want to look into her mind.
I want to know was she happy? Did she suffer?
I sometimes wonder if, though not physically, if mentally she died when my grandpa did in 2002.
I'm scared if I read them I'll regret them.
What if there's pieces in there that make me think I could've helped her?
What if I read them and see where I failed?
I don't know.
To make matters more interesting, my uncle dropped off her journals today when his family visited.
They date from September 23rd 1999-October 4, 2004.
I want to read them so badly, I want to be in her world because I feel like I missed something.
I flipped through them a little bit, starting at the 1st entry, my 8th birthday, through the weeks leading up to my grandpa's death, to the last entries.
It was telling to see how much she wrote when she first started, and how the last entries were single sentences at best.
It absolutely broke my heart to read the last entry, "October 4, 2004. No company this week, thats just my world."
I didn't read any further because I remembered her saying she didn't want anyone to read those.
She wanted them burned.
She said "When I go, they go."
Do I read them? Or do I put them away and ignore it altogether?
I want to look into her mind.
I want to know was she happy? Did she suffer?
I sometimes wonder if, though not physically, if mentally she died when my grandpa did in 2002.
I'm scared if I read them I'll regret them.
What if there's pieces in there that make me think I could've helped her?
What if I read them and see where I failed?
I don't know.