(no subject)
feeling alone...
i have so much going on in my life... i have so many things going wrong and right and not right enough.... everyone hates me and i feel so alone. theres no worse feeling then having evrything one minute and having nothing the next. loosing it all. nothings worse then getting home and feeling alone, misplaced ignored and empty. having noone to tell how ur day was or how you feel. the only person i could comunicate with is too busy working.
my brother is incredibly pissed at me. with all the reason.... but normally we would talk for a little bit and keep eachother company.... id be able to cry in his room and he'd comfort me. we would vent together.
thats gone. he's gonna be gone in a few days.... and theres goes ever recovering that relationship.
my parents.... loss case i guess.... they think im going through this whole "i hate you and im gonna be stupid and rebelious just to get back at you" stage because they have been so "awful" to me. theyre wrong. they think me moving out of here is easy. they think my choosing of being with either oreo or them is a simple step im taking without a care in the world. little do they know its the hardest decision ive ever had to make. harder than frank or oreo.... harder than being honest about all the lies... harder than everything put together.
they think im too young to know what love is. they think that just because i had the slightest thought in my mind of leaving oreo to be with someone else is enough for them to know i dont love oreo. i DO love the guy. maybe yea, hes not the pot of gold. hes probably nowhere near that pot of gold... but hes my pot of gold. (cheesy i know).... they dont seem to understand that nomatter who im with i cant stop thinking about oreo. they dont understand that when ive tried to completely disconcect myself from oreo i wasn't happy with anything i did. i wasnt satisfied with anyone in particular and noone could make me feel the way oreo always would. no matter how much he would annoy me or how much i would be hurt. i love him. and i cant stop loving him. maybe in everyones eyes i do deserve better.... and yea... sometimes i feel the same way.....but i dont want better i want him.
they dont want to see that.... so i guess i lost there too...
my friends....
no friends...i lost them a while ago. and i feel terrible seeing them hurting or seeing them with a problem and not being able to go up to them and ask them if theyre ok.i cant help them and they cant help me. and normally we would be there for eachother no matter what mojon we had atravesado......but i guess things change... i lost them and their trust.
i wish i worked everyday of the week... thatway i wouldnt have to get home to an "empty" house. atleast at work i intermingle with people and kinda forget that im goin through shit... maybe things will change one day... i dunno when....but hopefully soon....
i have so much going on in my life... i have so many things going wrong and right and not right enough.... everyone hates me and i feel so alone. theres no worse feeling then having evrything one minute and having nothing the next. loosing it all. nothings worse then getting home and feeling alone, misplaced ignored and empty. having noone to tell how ur day was or how you feel. the only person i could comunicate with is too busy working.
my brother is incredibly pissed at me. with all the reason.... but normally we would talk for a little bit and keep eachother company.... id be able to cry in his room and he'd comfort me. we would vent together.
thats gone. he's gonna be gone in a few days.... and theres goes ever recovering that relationship.
my parents.... loss case i guess.... they think im going through this whole "i hate you and im gonna be stupid and rebelious just to get back at you" stage because they have been so "awful" to me. theyre wrong. they think me moving out of here is easy. they think my choosing of being with either oreo or them is a simple step im taking without a care in the world. little do they know its the hardest decision ive ever had to make. harder than frank or oreo.... harder than being honest about all the lies... harder than everything put together.
they think im too young to know what love is. they think that just because i had the slightest thought in my mind of leaving oreo to be with someone else is enough for them to know i dont love oreo. i DO love the guy. maybe yea, hes not the pot of gold. hes probably nowhere near that pot of gold... but hes my pot of gold. (cheesy i know).... they dont seem to understand that nomatter who im with i cant stop thinking about oreo. they dont understand that when ive tried to completely disconcect myself from oreo i wasn't happy with anything i did. i wasnt satisfied with anyone in particular and noone could make me feel the way oreo always would. no matter how much he would annoy me or how much i would be hurt. i love him. and i cant stop loving him. maybe in everyones eyes i do deserve better.... and yea... sometimes i feel the same way.....but i dont want better i want him.
they dont want to see that.... so i guess i lost there too...
my friends....
no friends...i lost them a while ago. and i feel terrible seeing them hurting or seeing them with a problem and not being able to go up to them and ask them if theyre ok.i cant help them and they cant help me. and normally we would be there for eachother no matter what mojon we had atravesado......but i guess things change... i lost them and their trust.
i wish i worked everyday of the week... thatway i wouldnt have to get home to an "empty" house. atleast at work i intermingle with people and kinda forget that im goin through shit... maybe things will change one day... i dunno when....but hopefully soon....