emo moments
yeah i know...the title is frightening..especially from me..le sigh..ok ne ways..i talked to ashley smith this morning before she went to school..and for those of u who dont know yet...im quitting school...yeah i never thought i would do it either but i just cant handle all the pressure and everything going on around me and all my problems...and i talked to mom this morning about everything..i was really tempted to wake her up last night in the middle of the night and just talk to her about all the stuff going on and that i need a shrink and shit like that..but i didnt...i waited til this morning...i didnt think i could wait until this morning though cause last night i just had this emotional break down and i cried from like 10:30 til like 4 this morning..i was on the phone with rach at like 11:45 til 12:15 and thats the one time i didnt cry..but then i woke up this morning and started crying again and have been crying all day...but i just got off the phone with mom like 10 minutes ago and she found me a shrink and i have an appointment tomorrow at 3 in nitro..god im so fuckin scared..i know they aint allowed to tell ur parents or ne one else ne thing cause its against the law and the only way they can is if ur gonna hurt urself or someone else...and yeah...i think we all know that my parents r gonna find out a lot of shit about me now...stuff that i never thought i would do..im doing...and theyre not gonna believe even half the shit i do...goddamnit..i dont think im making ne sense...well..i havent been at all lately so its fine...dene' is supposed to come over today after she gets home from track and we're supposed to talk about a lot of things....shes one of the ppl who didnt want me to break up with earl..and now she sees how much hes hurting me and i think shes either gonna get me to break up with him today..or shes gonna talk to him about everything or do it herself...god im like so fuckin scared about everything..i hate showing my weaknesses..i hate it so fuckin much...and i sound like such a lil pussy its not even funny...goddamnit..i just wish it would all go away.....