Temporarily Handicapped
I've slept all night but I feel tired. I've showered and brushed my teeth, but I just feel like I can't get clean. My foot is swollen and I limp when I walk, not even mentioning how ridiculous I look with a crutch. A crutch? Really? I'm not disabled... in a week it will be gone, and this ridiculous stand still in life will be gone, but some people don't have the same luck.
I hobbled over to the bathroom this morning, after taking 5 minutes to reach the top of the stair case, and I caught myself in the mirror. ...I looked horrible. My hair's a mess, haven't straightened it since my sprained ankle. I didn't have a bra on, and that alone is enough to make you feel old and less perky. My shirt was half risen that showed my not so big, but annoying fat I can't motivate myself to lose with this damned foot. I looked weak as I shuffled in an attempt to just walk as I normally do. The pain gets stronger as I try to fluctuate the pressure from my heal to my toes, swelling in a strange area underneath my ankle that prevents me from stepping down on the inside of my foot.
I haven't felt much motivation for homework or studying, even though I'm out with a doctor's excuse from work until Monday and have already been off since Wednesday. Well, besides the 4 hour servitality (combining service and hospitality) meeting, but I didn't work a normal shift following. I am hoping that with doctoring my foot with what's natural, plus information I received from the doctor as well as a passing student, this way I can try and work again starting Saturday. As much as it's strange to say it, I'll have 4 lovely nights of work. Having no money is not at all fun.
Still, you would think that with my down time I'd at least want to get my studying in and catch up on my homework. I feel more unmotivated and unsatisfied than ever. My room is in a basement and when I'm actually home, I dread even having to walk down those scary old wooden stairs. I can just picture myself falling head first right to my slow, unconscious death. ...What a pleasant image, right?
Luckily, I don't have to bare this burden alone. I have a wonderful guy who has been helping me and taking care of me in my time of need, which is way more than I can say for some people. I'm actually laying in his bed as I type while he's at school, but I'm still wondering why he let me continue sleeping. His dad doesn't like when I stay here without him. Oh, well. In the freshest and most painful time over the weekend, He's propped up my foot and put ice on my foot, bandaged it when I needed it, helped me get around when I didn't have the crutch, bought and made me lunch several times and simply just let me rest next to him as he played Mass Effect 2. I do love video games, playing them or just watching someone else.
In the back of my mind, though I try and expel it as to not dwell, I think about the people with disabilities that will remain with them for life. Such as the man from Egypt in my Modern Operating Systems class who I just recently noticed has 2 fake appendages for one of his arms as well as legs. I'm sure they become accustomed to their modified ways of living, but being on campus with a crutch for just two days is almost more than enough attention I'd ever want to see from strangers. Either they stare at me as if I have a third leg or their very friendly and open doors for me. I let my spite take me over sometimes for the issue that they could only be faking their kindness because of my crutch, and I believe they'd never glance in my direction if I was perfectly fine. I don't say this to them, I just smile, giggle and give hem my humble gratitude so they know that I'm fine and don't need special treatment just because it looks like I have a problem. Though, if I do try and put myself in their shoes, I'd probably do the same thing. Not look at them any different, but just help out for the common good. This is the thought that keeps me from just leaving the crutch in the car. Some people generally have good hearts, as difficult as it is to believe in modern day's society. Maybe it's just that the good is shadowed by all the bad in the world.
I hobbled over to the bathroom this morning, after taking 5 minutes to reach the top of the stair case, and I caught myself in the mirror. ...I looked horrible. My hair's a mess, haven't straightened it since my sprained ankle. I didn't have a bra on, and that alone is enough to make you feel old and less perky. My shirt was half risen that showed my not so big, but annoying fat I can't motivate myself to lose with this damned foot. I looked weak as I shuffled in an attempt to just walk as I normally do. The pain gets stronger as I try to fluctuate the pressure from my heal to my toes, swelling in a strange area underneath my ankle that prevents me from stepping down on the inside of my foot.
I haven't felt much motivation for homework or studying, even though I'm out with a doctor's excuse from work until Monday and have already been off since Wednesday. Well, besides the 4 hour servitality (combining service and hospitality) meeting, but I didn't work a normal shift following. I am hoping that with doctoring my foot with what's natural, plus information I received from the doctor as well as a passing student, this way I can try and work again starting Saturday. As much as it's strange to say it, I'll have 4 lovely nights of work. Having no money is not at all fun.
Still, you would think that with my down time I'd at least want to get my studying in and catch up on my homework. I feel more unmotivated and unsatisfied than ever. My room is in a basement and when I'm actually home, I dread even having to walk down those scary old wooden stairs. I can just picture myself falling head first right to my slow, unconscious death. ...What a pleasant image, right?
Luckily, I don't have to bare this burden alone. I have a wonderful guy who has been helping me and taking care of me in my time of need, which is way more than I can say for some people. I'm actually laying in his bed as I type while he's at school, but I'm still wondering why he let me continue sleeping. His dad doesn't like when I stay here without him. Oh, well. In the freshest and most painful time over the weekend, He's propped up my foot and put ice on my foot, bandaged it when I needed it, helped me get around when I didn't have the crutch, bought and made me lunch several times and simply just let me rest next to him as he played Mass Effect 2. I do love video games, playing them or just watching someone else.
In the back of my mind, though I try and expel it as to not dwell, I think about the people with disabilities that will remain with them for life. Such as the man from Egypt in my Modern Operating Systems class who I just recently noticed has 2 fake appendages for one of his arms as well as legs. I'm sure they become accustomed to their modified ways of living, but being on campus with a crutch for just two days is almost more than enough attention I'd ever want to see from strangers. Either they stare at me as if I have a third leg or their very friendly and open doors for me. I let my spite take me over sometimes for the issue that they could only be faking their kindness because of my crutch, and I believe they'd never glance in my direction if I was perfectly fine. I don't say this to them, I just smile, giggle and give hem my humble gratitude so they know that I'm fine and don't need special treatment just because it looks like I have a problem. Though, if I do try and put myself in their shoes, I'd probably do the same thing. Not look at them any different, but just help out for the common good. This is the thought that keeps me from just leaving the crutch in the car. Some people generally have good hearts, as difficult as it is to believe in modern day's society. Maybe it's just that the good is shadowed by all the bad in the world.