4(redone)
Well. I found out My grandfather has cancer. ITs horrible i dont think i can deal with this at all. I love him & hes basicly and amazing person and he gets cancer. why is it the good people always get cancer or something. =[
He gets all these tests done in a few days. im really nervous for him && scared.gosh!
Anyway the whole bryan thing. well blah. Its kinda fucked up and kinda just happend [[but thats no reason]] I mean yeah we werent TOGETHER TOGETHER but blah whatever. for some reason i cant seem to let go. I love that kid. && i think i want to keep holding on is because duhh. tahts what happens when you have a crush on someone when your in like 7th-9th grade lol. ew, im a loser. but hes just so amazing, when he wants to be.He came over yestorday. And welp we just hung out.talked.watched some tv. and just sat there. He left For S.C Today. He'll be back the 13th. So idk i guess this give me time to think about everything. He wants to take me && ALLIE<3 on a picnic the monday when hes back. He thinks it will be sweet<3 && he wants to do it because he loves me. I Mean okay i get that love isnt simple. & i think if its true love or whatever. it does go through alot of hard times. Because it cant just always be perfect. you have to be able to stay together, and fight for each other through hard shit to be able to prove that your always going to be there for that person. It truley is crazy.But theres something about him. When hes around me. MY whole world it seems, well amazing. && i can just lay in his arms for hours. & then i can picture thouse hours. turning into years from now, still doing the same. It kinda sounds crazy, well to me it does. I just dont know what to do. I guess if after these 10 days i decide to still want this, i guess we will figure out whats going to happen. && if we still both want this. i guess these days away from each other, he will see how the weeks away at college will be & help him with that. Maybe not. I dont know. Im just really confused. He just makes me smile like i dont know to explain it. there are so many things he has done to me though [[basicly when we werent in our boyfriend/girlfriend tag]] but still. I mean how could i just let all that go? IDK but i have. and its crazy. Hes going to have to prove that this is what he really wants. If he wants US to be together OR just friends. But then theres another thing. College. He'll be going for like 6 or more years [[chemistry major]] & when i start next year, ill be going for the normal 4 or whatever. & See. I dont want to wait 8years to get married [[crazy i know]] but if we end up staying together for like 4years from now, thats when i would love to get married and have another baby. I mean i never wanted my kids to be like 8 years apart. I wanted them close in age. Its eaiser for them. But thats one huge difference between us so i dont know how that is going to work. I guess we will just have to see & maybe talk about it. I mean we've only basicly been together 9months. & i've relized talking about marriage that early is kinda. idk how to explain it. it didnt work out. i was also 16 lol. but i dont know its different now. i guess. i mean i've always wanted to get married young and stuff. and well i dont think he does. thats a big difference there. I mean thats like two people falling in love & one not wanting kids, and the other does. It wont work. but blah i dont know.
Tomorrow. Me Leann & Allie are going to hang out with Geno&Liberty. Im kinda nervous.scared.excited.weirded out. by it lol. IDK. I mean im sure it will be fun. but i know Bryan Will be on my mind. Like always. I just want to know how the whole situation is going to end up oh welp.
One thing i love about Geno, is that he takes his daughter EVERY weekend. no exuses. Even though he works 3rd shirt mon-fri. and the weekends his only time to do stuff he still takes his daughter instead. not like other people who fucking cancle there vists with their daughter every week! yup were going two in a row again. he shows up maybe 1 of the 4 thursdays a month. eh whatever. i sware its his loos. shes so amazing & he'll never get to know her.
Allies Bday party is this sunday =] EXCITING.
Well im tierd. I think ima go night.!
He gets all these tests done in a few days. im really nervous for him && scared.gosh!
Anyway the whole bryan thing. well blah. Its kinda fucked up and kinda just happend [[but thats no reason]] I mean yeah we werent TOGETHER TOGETHER but blah whatever. for some reason i cant seem to let go. I love that kid. && i think i want to keep holding on is because duhh. tahts what happens when you have a crush on someone when your in like 7th-9th grade lol. ew, im a loser. but hes just so amazing, when he wants to be.He came over yestorday. And welp we just hung out.talked.watched some tv. and just sat there. He left For S.C Today. He'll be back the 13th. So idk i guess this give me time to think about everything. He wants to take me && ALLIE<3 on a picnic the monday when hes back. He thinks it will be sweet<3 && he wants to do it because he loves me. I Mean okay i get that love isnt simple. & i think if its true love or whatever. it does go through alot of hard times. Because it cant just always be perfect. you have to be able to stay together, and fight for each other through hard shit to be able to prove that your always going to be there for that person. It truley is crazy.But theres something about him. When hes around me. MY whole world it seems, well amazing. && i can just lay in his arms for hours. & then i can picture thouse hours. turning into years from now, still doing the same. It kinda sounds crazy, well to me it does. I just dont know what to do. I guess if after these 10 days i decide to still want this, i guess we will figure out whats going to happen. && if we still both want this. i guess these days away from each other, he will see how the weeks away at college will be & help him with that. Maybe not. I dont know. Im just really confused. He just makes me smile like i dont know to explain it. there are so many things he has done to me though [[basicly when we werent in our boyfriend/girlfriend tag]] but still. I mean how could i just let all that go? IDK but i have. and its crazy. Hes going to have to prove that this is what he really wants. If he wants US to be together OR just friends. But then theres another thing. College. He'll be going for like 6 or more years [[chemistry major]] & when i start next year, ill be going for the normal 4 or whatever. & See. I dont want to wait 8years to get married [[crazy i know]] but if we end up staying together for like 4years from now, thats when i would love to get married and have another baby. I mean i never wanted my kids to be like 8 years apart. I wanted them close in age. Its eaiser for them. But thats one huge difference between us so i dont know how that is going to work. I guess we will just have to see & maybe talk about it. I mean we've only basicly been together 9months. & i've relized talking about marriage that early is kinda. idk how to explain it. it didnt work out. i was also 16 lol. but i dont know its different now. i guess. i mean i've always wanted to get married young and stuff. and well i dont think he does. thats a big difference there. I mean thats like two people falling in love & one not wanting kids, and the other does. It wont work. but blah i dont know.
Tomorrow. Me Leann & Allie are going to hang out with Geno&Liberty. Im kinda nervous.scared.excited.weirded out. by it lol. IDK. I mean im sure it will be fun. but i know Bryan Will be on my mind. Like always. I just want to know how the whole situation is going to end up oh welp.
One thing i love about Geno, is that he takes his daughter EVERY weekend. no exuses. Even though he works 3rd shirt mon-fri. and the weekends his only time to do stuff he still takes his daughter instead. not like other people who fucking cancle there vists with their daughter every week! yup were going two in a row again. he shows up maybe 1 of the 4 thursdays a month. eh whatever. i sware its his loos. shes so amazing & he'll never get to know her.
Allies Bday party is this sunday =] EXCITING.
Well im tierd. I think ima go night.!