sometimes i see you standing there, sometimes it's like i'm losing touch
so i sat down in this computer chair and i had no desire to go on aim - i never do anymore. i had no desire to go on myspace either - after awhile it's just the same ol' same. there's a lot on my mind so i'm just going to write.
this week was weird - the days dragged on forever but the week went by quickly it seemed. spain is coming up. my 17th birthday is coming up. homecoming is coming up. i'm looking forward to so much. but i feel so negative lately and thats not me.
this week i felt like i was stuck in freshman year. i caught myself acting fake. i caught myself fake laughing and spacing out and being paranoid for no reason and i don't even really know why, but i hate that feeling. i sat through all my classes wanting to go home and just sleep forever.
i'm addicted to the gym. i guess that's a good thing but the downside is i'm soooo tired. if i lost 10 pounds i'd feel a lot better about myself. i envy girls who are so naturally skinny. it's really hard with my mom and my sister so sucessful on their diets and i just can't do that stuff. i felt like an outsider this week everywhere i was - around my friends - around my family. i don't know.
so a week ago or something my mom got in one of those serious talking moods with me and she told me she wants to get a breast reduction because her breasts are uneven due to the tumor she got taken out. this bothers me a lot. i want to talk to someone about it but i feel dumb because it's a hard subject. i tried to figure out how to tell katie the days i took her to school this week and i tried to talk to zach about it but i just can't. it bothers me so much that i can't talk to anyone about it and it's not anyone's fault but mine because i just don't know how. you can't just bring it up in a conversation. her doctor doesn't want her to for a lot of reasons. i hate surgery anyway. but she really wants to. it's even awkward talking to her about it because i feel like i won't say the right thing. i want to support her but it hurts and i never know what to say. i guess this is the reason i'm writing in this because maybe one of my friends will read it and then it's like i'm talking to them about it. its the best i can do for now.
i'm almost 17 and i need to grow up and stop being dumb.
but i need to go homecoming dress shopping soon. even if i go by myself one day soon but trying on dresses makes me feel better. i haven't danced in a longggg time. as much as homecoming sucks and everyone complains i love it so much. i love dancing and not worrying about anything or anyone and just being together with everyone all dressed up.
i love this leann rimes song. goodnight.
this week was weird - the days dragged on forever but the week went by quickly it seemed. spain is coming up. my 17th birthday is coming up. homecoming is coming up. i'm looking forward to so much. but i feel so negative lately and thats not me.
this week i felt like i was stuck in freshman year. i caught myself acting fake. i caught myself fake laughing and spacing out and being paranoid for no reason and i don't even really know why, but i hate that feeling. i sat through all my classes wanting to go home and just sleep forever.
i'm addicted to the gym. i guess that's a good thing but the downside is i'm soooo tired. if i lost 10 pounds i'd feel a lot better about myself. i envy girls who are so naturally skinny. it's really hard with my mom and my sister so sucessful on their diets and i just can't do that stuff. i felt like an outsider this week everywhere i was - around my friends - around my family. i don't know.
so a week ago or something my mom got in one of those serious talking moods with me and she told me she wants to get a breast reduction because her breasts are uneven due to the tumor she got taken out. this bothers me a lot. i want to talk to someone about it but i feel dumb because it's a hard subject. i tried to figure out how to tell katie the days i took her to school this week and i tried to talk to zach about it but i just can't. it bothers me so much that i can't talk to anyone about it and it's not anyone's fault but mine because i just don't know how. you can't just bring it up in a conversation. her doctor doesn't want her to for a lot of reasons. i hate surgery anyway. but she really wants to. it's even awkward talking to her about it because i feel like i won't say the right thing. i want to support her but it hurts and i never know what to say. i guess this is the reason i'm writing in this because maybe one of my friends will read it and then it's like i'm talking to them about it. its the best i can do for now.
i'm almost 17 and i need to grow up and stop being dumb.
but i need to go homecoming dress shopping soon. even if i go by myself one day soon but trying on dresses makes me feel better. i haven't danced in a longggg time. as much as homecoming sucks and everyone complains i love it so much. i love dancing and not worrying about anything or anyone and just being together with everyone all dressed up.
i love this leann rimes song. goodnight.