(no subject)

[xkissme_kissmex]

I hate feeling confined
and abiding rules.
I need indepence and
school isn't where it's at.
I know I've mentioned this before,
but it's something that has yet to leave my mind.
I've felt like this for forever, but ignored it after
I was denied of doing the things I thought was right for me.
Somehow I was convinced I was capable of doing what they had said.
To bad I didn't trust myself enough to know that I knew exactly
what road I would go down.
I don't like how I let some things influence me this year,
because I don't like what I've become.
That's all I regret this year.
But I guess it's an experience. I guess.
Right now I'm undeserving
and waiting to change that.
The worst feeling I've had is the feeling of disappoint.
I feel like I'm disappointing my parents..cause they deserve better
for putting up with me. I lie a lot to them and they have a very false image of me.
Not only have I felt disappointing to them, but also to myself, in a sense that
I discovered how I lack so much.
But it'll change...I hope. If I'm not hypocritical.
I need to have all of this phase me..and it is..just not as much as I want it to.

This kind of ruined December for me..cause I don't feel for it. The spirit is lacking
and I don't look forward to my birthday coming up. Yeah, I'm pretty negative right now.
Hah..but I have right to be.