SummEr LoVe...HurTs..
A Broken heart..still beats..
Well..as you all can tell..Ryan and I broke up. Yeah. I would have updated last night, but it was a hard night. I really dk anymore. Things are so messed up and I'm more confused than ever. I feel like I dk whats going on with my feelings..or what I'm doing anymore. I woudl tell y'all why we broke up, but i'm still really confused about it. But, from the conversation we had last night, I think its because he doesnt like me anymore. Or, because I said I was thinking about breaking up with him, cuz of some stuff going on. So, lets start from the beginning. Wendsday, he forgot my birthday, which I really wasnt mad about..until some ppl started to egg on to me that I should be mad and that he wasnt worth it, and I got scared and confused. Then all the little things that had been making me mad, finally blew a lid. I felt frustrated and confused and like I didnt know what the heck to do anymore. I felt like I couldnt control my feelings, which scared me. Then, when i talked to him about it..he freaked out on me. He started saying that since I was talking about it and thinking about it, he should be too. Which completly took me off guard, then he said he didnt know what he felt anymore, and that he didnt love me anymore..which hurt more than anything. So, we got off the phone and i waited thursday for him to call..and he didnt. So, I still waited..Friday, he im'd me and said check myspace msgs. Well...i was unable to check them due to the site. So, i called n told him that i couldnt check my msgs and to call me back, so he just sent it to my IM. And thats when i knew, he was breaking up with me. The tears came first, but then the frustration came after. And soon, I was more angry than anyhting else. I wanted to hit something..I wanted to yell at him. He didnt answer when I called, which got me even more upset, there are two ppl in the relationship..you said what you needed to..now why cant I?? I was so frustrated. We ended up talking that night, he appologized and said that he felt bad for doing it over the internet. So, we talked for a bit and I tried to understand what was going on. Which, I'm still a lil confused. We still have the friendship issue to discuss..but havent yet..so I guess..we'll see how it goes..
~Yeah. I'll always remember that night.
SaM