(no subject)
Im feeling really down right now. I just talked to my mom well more like she cried to me and said how she doesnt think she will be able to go through this and that unemployment is for only 6 months and she is sure she wont find a job in that time and then i started crying kinda thinking how the only reason she is doing all of this is for me and im making her miserable in turn. So as of right now I may not be able to go to college right away, but knowing myself if I dont go now I wont go at all. Everything just got me really sad and im just sitting here crying cuz it kind of feels like that long lost friend named despair. Its so wierd im feeling so sorry for myself and im feeling even sorrier for my mom. and what gets me the most upset is the fact that i keep thinking how bad it would be if she died and how much I love her and how i would be so lost and broken if anything was to ever happen to her but shes getting old and shes mad stressed and stuff and i donno maybe im worried for nothing but i know my luck and I know the way my family always just gets screwed over by the world and i dont want to see them hurt anymore.
Alex and i dont even talk anymore but maybe its for the better. Maybe he is taking my advice. Maybe its not just for nothing maybe he is working on bettering himself on becoming who he wants to be. I miss him but more than anything I wish everyone would just be ok, i dont really give a fuck what I have to feel in the process but I just want everything to be ok for once but it never fuckin is. The emo music isnt helping right now.
Alex and i dont even talk anymore but maybe its for the better. Maybe he is taking my advice. Maybe its not just for nothing maybe he is working on bettering himself on becoming who he wants to be. I miss him but more than anything I wish everyone would just be ok, i dont really give a fuck what I have to feel in the process but I just want everything to be ok for once but it never fuckin is. The emo music isnt helping right now.