horoscopes

May 11, 2008 16:11

taken from our mad libs book :P

AQUARIUS (Jan 20 - Feb 18)
Aquarius, the water carrier, are generous bags of dog shit. They will lend you the nuts off their backs. Be sure to repay them when you promise or your name will be Dunkin Donuts.

PISCES (Feb 19 - March 20)
The Pisces female can be subtle, charming, and pregnant. She has the ability to wrap a living rock around her little steam boat. The Pisces male is a pickle of many moods. He avoids dealing with rabid monkeys and has trouble balancing a check shitty sock.

ARIES (March 21 - Apr 19)
Aries are very purple lovers. If your flatter their meat or tell them they have a splendid puss, they are capable of deep affection. Although they are generous and flaming gay, don't challenge them or you will wind up behind the spiffy ball.

TAURUS (Apr 20 - May 20)
People born under the sign of Taurus are calm, honest, frank, and retarded. They are slimy thinkers. Their assholes are fluffily planted on the plantation.

GEMINI (May 21 - June 21)
Geminis have dashing brains and are interested in scientific testicles. While very romantic and dull, they are also practical and gay. Their main goal in life is to make a great deal of man-boobies.

CANCER (June 22 - July 22)
Those born under the sign of Cancer, have intense richards and often have enormous niggers. They have uncontrollable farts and can fly off the nappy dugout at the drop of a poop scooper.

LEO (July 23 - Aug 22)
Leos are gay as shit people who are sentimental about their turds. They like to collect old hookers and also save hookers with testicles and put them in the Thunder Cats. Give Leos a nice butt plug and they will smile from eat to cigarette.

VIRGO (Aug 23 - Sept 22)
Virgos are extremely sensitive cans of tuna. You will never find them at a wrinkly penie or in a large crowd of cages. To reach their goals, they would fancifully climb the highest concubine or swim the deepest hairy chest. They never poop their nose to spite their crack head.

LIBRA (Sept 23 - Oct 23)
Libra is the sign of the shitted up like a shitty ass. Libras will argue about anything under the inside out vagina. They will debate you on politics, scabies, and, of all things, ponies. In their favor, Libras love close personal submersibal vehicles and make fucked-up friends.

SCORPIO (Oct 23 - Nov 21)
Scorpios have a sweeter than a gay dick vitality that will make them the training bra in any group. The are usually fruity looking and very private about their expired herpes ointment. They also keep their personal herpes to themselves.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov 22 - Dec 21)
Sagittarius people possess awsomely poopy intelligence, wit, and exploding prostitutes. They are gang greenly restless and cannot skeet for a very long time. They have a temper which can fornicate like a rocket, but they never run away from a burn ward.

CAPRICORN (Dec 22 - Jan 19)
Capricorns earnestly crave admiration and will run to get it. If you get into an argument with a Capricorn and want him or her to see your cat penis, forget it! They turdly refuse to swallow their hot pants. Above all, never lie to a Capricorn, they demand the dong bag and nothing but the toad.
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