sorry, but i can't just go turn off how i feel
hi. im at kathryns house.
yesterday was a really unusual day. i was emotionally shaky
the whole day.. probably from the concert and my... uhm.
.
^
yeah. so at work i was watching the news on t.v. and it
was talking about those terrorists who took over a school and stuff and i almost started crying. then on the ride home from work i had tears in my eyes... when i walked in the door i ran to my room and bawled like a child. i couldnt stop i was shaking and i couldnt breathe. and then i kept zoning out i dont know if something happened to me chemically. but now that i look back on it...... i wonder if something happened cuz id be sitting and just like blacking out all the time and i wouldnt talk to anyone. weird.
so then today i woke up at 2. fucking drag.
before i left for work today i wrote a letter to nicole
on word and saved it since i wasnt finished. i kept thinking
of what else to say while i was working but nothing sounded
right.
work was fun tonight. working with lindsey and steph was kool.
it kept my mind off of my emotional problems and my cramps.
i got home around 11 and then came here. listened to some jew.
i cant get 'kill' out of my head and everytime i hear it i cry.
nicole emailed me back. nothing harsh or mean but it was pretty much was what i was expecting.
i didnt expect her to say everything is okay, but i hope she remembers what i said forever, cuz i meant it sincerely.
sara and kathryn are sleeping and my heart was just thumping as i layed down trying to fall asleep. i feel so jittery and scared .. i wonder if im on the verge of another anxiety attack.
ive been having such horrible dreams lately, i hate it.
eh..
i miss kyle.
i miss nicole.
i wish dave would just talk to me every once in a while.
i miss mandie.
i miss my life.
i miss being happy.
i miss spending nights out and not crying every chance i got to.
i wish it was winter. my moods would fit in so much better with the season.
i remembered [[while checking the bathrooms at work]] that today was sort of me and kyles meeting anniversary. 4 years. nothing special but.. i dunno. looks like im the only one who cares.
september fest tomorrow. i wonder who ill see.
work on monday.
yuck.
im gonna go find kathryns headfones so i can peacefully fall asleep to the cds i brought.
"ill leave the rest alone. i wont be accused of deleting your whole journal. i wonder what my punishment will be. oh well, its my job to the the arbitorty justice of the world. The Great Equilizer! well you have a chance of remembering all of the things i altered and deleted. good luck. and if you are who i think you are, my necklace was not gay. this is revenge. FOR THE NECKLACE."
Love, The masked Masamune. >;)
yesterday was a really unusual day. i was emotionally shaky
the whole day.. probably from the concert and my... uhm.
.
^
yeah. so at work i was watching the news on t.v. and it
was talking about those terrorists who took over a school and stuff and i almost started crying. then on the ride home from work i had tears in my eyes... when i walked in the door i ran to my room and bawled like a child. i couldnt stop i was shaking and i couldnt breathe. and then i kept zoning out i dont know if something happened to me chemically. but now that i look back on it...... i wonder if something happened cuz id be sitting and just like blacking out all the time and i wouldnt talk to anyone. weird.
so then today i woke up at 2. fucking drag.
before i left for work today i wrote a letter to nicole
on word and saved it since i wasnt finished. i kept thinking
of what else to say while i was working but nothing sounded
right.
work was fun tonight. working with lindsey and steph was kool.
it kept my mind off of my emotional problems and my cramps.
i got home around 11 and then came here. listened to some jew.
i cant get 'kill' out of my head and everytime i hear it i cry.
nicole emailed me back. nothing harsh or mean but it was pretty much was what i was expecting.
i didnt expect her to say everything is okay, but i hope she remembers what i said forever, cuz i meant it sincerely.
sara and kathryn are sleeping and my heart was just thumping as i layed down trying to fall asleep. i feel so jittery and scared .. i wonder if im on the verge of another anxiety attack.
ive been having such horrible dreams lately, i hate it.
eh..
i miss kyle.
i miss nicole.
i wish dave would just talk to me every once in a while.
i miss mandie.
i miss my life.
i miss being happy.
i miss spending nights out and not crying every chance i got to.
i wish it was winter. my moods would fit in so much better with the season.
i remembered [[while checking the bathrooms at work]] that today was sort of me and kyles meeting anniversary. 4 years. nothing special but.. i dunno. looks like im the only one who cares.
september fest tomorrow. i wonder who ill see.
work on monday.
yuck.
im gonna go find kathryns headfones so i can peacefully fall asleep to the cds i brought.
"ill leave the rest alone. i wont be accused of deleting your whole journal. i wonder what my punishment will be. oh well, its my job to the the arbitorty justice of the world. The Great Equilizer! well you have a chance of remembering all of the things i altered and deleted. good luck. and if you are who i think you are, my necklace was not gay. this is revenge. FOR THE NECKLACE."
Love, The masked Masamune. >;)