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hahahha here are some jack bauer quotes(from 24) i found fucking hilarious
Because of Jack Bauer, the Army switched their slogan from "Be All You Can Be" to "Army Of One".
Jack Bauer remembers everything after getting flashed by the Men In Black.
Jack has dated every woman under an assumed identity at some point in time - including your girlfriend and your mother.
When Jack Bauer sends in his taxes, he sends a blank form along with a picture of himself with a gun. Jack Bauer has not had to pay taxes ever.
Jack Bauer slits his wrists and does pushups in a pool of rubbing alcohol.
If you're a passenger in the car that Jack Bauer is driving and he gets a call from the President, ask to be let out at the corner. Somebody is going to die.
Jack Bauer has fucked over more Arab guys than G.W Bush.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Jack Bauer kills 24 birds with one stone.
Jesus Christ doesn't say "Jesus Christ," he says "Jack Bauer."
In Soviet Russia, Jack Bauer is the one that drives the car.
Jack Bauer once went 'Koo Koo for Coco Puffs'. Soon after, he killed tortured and then killed that stupid bird from the cereal box for making him feel that way. Jack Bauer has not eaten since that day.
When Jack Bauer uses Herbal Essences, the shampoo has an orgasm.
The Bird Flu almost made it to the United States. Luckily Jack Bauer was there to shoot and kill it.
: Jack Bauer deflowered Kelly Kapowski.
Jack Bauer is the only man who doesn't suffer from shrinkage.
Jack Bauer doesn't wait for the bus, the bus waits for Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer doesn't have time to wear a seat belt. It is much more time-efficient for him to simply shoot anything that might cause an accident.
: The Price Is ALWAYS Right for Jack Bauer.
If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.
The only way Ford will make a comeback - Come out with the Jack Bauer edition Explorer.
When Jack Bauer gets thirsty, he interrogates the CEO of Pepsi into revealing which bottles are free soda winners, and kills the other bottles for not cooperating.
When Jack Bauer masturbates, he doesn't say he's going to jerkoff, he say's "it's time to punish my genitals".
Jack Bauer walked into to traffic and killed 3 cars.
The laws of physics and thermodynamics are only intact because Jack Bauer hasn't gotten around to breaking them, yet.
Saddam wasn't found by the military. He heard Jack Bauer was coming and turned himself in.
Jack Bauer has died, retired, quit, and gone into hiding so many times he has no idea how much money is in his 401k, but he doesn't care because he plans on taking yours.
Everyone wants to be on Jack Bauer's team when he plays multiplayer Rainbow Six online.
If MacGyver and Chuck Norris had a kid,
it would look like Jack Bouer’s shit.
Jack Bauer doesn't tie his shoelaces. He points a gun at his shoes and dares them to fall off.
The Kool Aid Man once broke into Jack Bauer's living room shouting "OH YEAH." After fixing the hole in Jack Bauer's wall, he was never seen again. The stock market value for the Hawaiian Punch corporation has since tripled.
: Jack Bauer once fingered 3 girls... with 2 hands
Because of Jack Bauer, the Army switched their slogan from "Be All You Can Be" to "Army Of One".
Jack Bauer remembers everything after getting flashed by the Men In Black.
Jack has dated every woman under an assumed identity at some point in time - including your girlfriend and your mother.
When Jack Bauer sends in his taxes, he sends a blank form along with a picture of himself with a gun. Jack Bauer has not had to pay taxes ever.
Jack Bauer slits his wrists and does pushups in a pool of rubbing alcohol.
If you're a passenger in the car that Jack Bauer is driving and he gets a call from the President, ask to be let out at the corner. Somebody is going to die.
Jack Bauer has fucked over more Arab guys than G.W Bush.
If Jack Bauer misspells a word, your dictionary is wrong.
Jack Bauer kills 24 birds with one stone.
Jesus Christ doesn't say "Jesus Christ," he says "Jack Bauer."
In Soviet Russia, Jack Bauer is the one that drives the car.
Jack Bauer once went 'Koo Koo for Coco Puffs'. Soon after, he killed tortured and then killed that stupid bird from the cereal box for making him feel that way. Jack Bauer has not eaten since that day.
When Jack Bauer uses Herbal Essences, the shampoo has an orgasm.
The Bird Flu almost made it to the United States. Luckily Jack Bauer was there to shoot and kill it.
: Jack Bauer deflowered Kelly Kapowski.
Jack Bauer is the only man who doesn't suffer from shrinkage.
Jack Bauer doesn't wait for the bus, the bus waits for Jack Bauer
Jack Bauer doesn't have time to wear a seat belt. It is much more time-efficient for him to simply shoot anything that might cause an accident.
: The Price Is ALWAYS Right for Jack Bauer.
If Jack Bauer says "Dammit!" more than once in a 24 hour period, don't be in L.A.
The only way Ford will make a comeback - Come out with the Jack Bauer edition Explorer.
When Jack Bauer gets thirsty, he interrogates the CEO of Pepsi into revealing which bottles are free soda winners, and kills the other bottles for not cooperating.
When Jack Bauer masturbates, he doesn't say he's going to jerkoff, he say's "it's time to punish my genitals".
Jack Bauer walked into to traffic and killed 3 cars.
The laws of physics and thermodynamics are only intact because Jack Bauer hasn't gotten around to breaking them, yet.
Saddam wasn't found by the military. He heard Jack Bauer was coming and turned himself in.
Jack Bauer has died, retired, quit, and gone into hiding so many times he has no idea how much money is in his 401k, but he doesn't care because he plans on taking yours.
Everyone wants to be on Jack Bauer's team when he plays multiplayer Rainbow Six online.
If MacGyver and Chuck Norris had a kid,
it would look like Jack Bouer’s shit.
Jack Bauer doesn't tie his shoelaces. He points a gun at his shoes and dares them to fall off.
The Kool Aid Man once broke into Jack Bauer's living room shouting "OH YEAH." After fixing the hole in Jack Bauer's wall, he was never seen again. The stock market value for the Hawaiian Punch corporation has since tripled.
: Jack Bauer once fingered 3 girls... with 2 hands