(no subject)
Why am I feeling like this? Sometimes I'm fine. But most of the time, I feel so lonely. I wish I had friends to hang out with after school...like on the weekends. I have no one. The only time I have something to do is when Katie comes home. Other then that, I work, do homework, and then i go on computer, or do stuff in my room. I hate crying. I hate this. I feel so stupid. I feel like I'm starting to hate my life. I hate my job. I don't want to work there anymore. I want to work at zummiez. But my parents say it would look bad on future resumes if I quit for such a stupid reason. I'm happiest when I'm at school, because I don't feel alone there. How fucking messed up is that? I hate myself so much sometimes. And I hate everyone for not understanding. Katie is the only one who understands. I think I hate myself so much sometimes because I just don't understand. I don't understand why things have to be like this. I wish I could be like everyone else. No. I wish I could just get over him. I think Rose is right. I just don't want to admit that I'm being dicked over. I'm stronger than this right? I have to be. But I have nothing to get me through this. I have no one to come over and save me from my loneliness at 10 at night, like katie used too. I have nothing to look forward too. Tomorrow is the homeshow and I'll see friends...but idk...I'm getting nervous because I have a feeling that it will end up being not as fun as I've been hoping. And then after tomorrow....I have nothing planned. My calender consists of work dates...and that's it. Life used to be so exciting. The summer was so exciting. I never had two days in a row without plans. But now...now I can't stand it. Now all I can do is work. I feel so....confined. And so alone. I feel like everyone left me. Katie left me. The bergs left me. John left me. Everything good about summer is completely erased. I just want school to be over lol. I want to have summer again. I want to live again. I want to be on top of life, again.