Kal Recreates Painfully Pitiful History Essays
Our history teacher shared these with us today. Warning for hilarious stupidity.
The Renaissance was a secular age. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. Donatello's interest in the female nude made him the father of the Renaissance. Guttenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
Henry VIII was a king of England. He couldn't walk because of an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was his daughter and the “Virgin Queen”. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo
Benjamin Franklin was a singer of the Declaration of Independence along with Thomas Jefferson. He traveled to the first contented Congress with his clothes in his pockets. He invented electricity by rubbing the backs of two cats together. He said, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand". He died in 1760 and is still dead today.
These aren't exact, just what I remembered plus my few notes on them. According to her, these are real essays of real college students who weren't trying to be pitiful.
The Renaissance was a secular age. Martin Luther was nailed to the church door at Wittenberg for selling papal indulgences. He died a horrible death, being excommunicated by a bull. Donatello's interest in the female nude made him the father of the Renaissance. Guttenberg invented the Bible. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Francis Drake circumcised the world with a 100-foot clipper.
Henry VIII was a king of England. He couldn't walk because of an abbess on his knee. Queen Elizabeth was his daughter and the “Virgin Queen”. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "hurrah." Then her navy went out and defeated the Spanish Armadillo
Benjamin Franklin was a singer of the Declaration of Independence along with Thomas Jefferson. He traveled to the first contented Congress with his clothes in his pockets. He invented electricity by rubbing the backs of two cats together. He said, "A horse divided against itself cannot stand". He died in 1760 and is still dead today.
These aren't exact, just what I remembered plus my few notes on them. According to her, these are real essays of real college students who weren't trying to be pitiful.