(no subject)
So far this week's been really hard. I can't stop worrying and panicking about some stuff I talked to my friends about. I've lost the ability to go "okay I'll relax and we'll see what happens." I'm paranoid and upset and I get nervous in every class and cry all the time almost everywhere. I can't really articulate how much it hurts but I'm in a lot of pain. I like my classes but I don't. I'm just not enthused to be a student anymore. I'm interested in the content but I see myself failing them because of the work. I'm contemplating dropping out. I don't know what my viable alternatives would be. I'm too depressed to find work. I would probably be too depressed to keep a job. I miss my friends everyday and I can't stop worrying about them. In a month from now I'll know what's going to happen to my dad. In a few weeks from now I'll know if I'll be approved for another loan. I feel so changed by the depression. I'm terrified of people who I used to see as my friends. I'm so depressed on campus whenever someone is among their friends or I see a couple or something. I feel like an alien. The meds I take don't do much to help me. I don't want to kill myself, but I'm ready to stop feeling and end this pain.