introspective.
i cry quietly inside. up until this point, it seemed okay. i was ready to move on, to go on with life, to leave everything i knew behind. but today, it's like everything's hit me.
i cleaned out my locker. i shut the door. i locked the lock. for the last time. i took the objects back, the simple things that hold so much value in memory. the music, the charts, the mouthpieces, the gloves, the memories.
this school year is coming to an end. i won't be coming back. i'm leaving all my friends for a new life. to become a whole new person. and when i come back, things will be so different.
what made me want to leave my bubble of safety? i know there's the reasons on the surface, but what is really going on here? i had a good thing going here, a good life. why leave? why not settle for mediocrity instead of going for more? i was the top here, nothing but the best. and now i'm going to go where i'm not the best, not the top.
i feel silly when i admit that i just teared up while watching the conducting auditions for drum major. or when i put on the coveted drum major whistle. i was supposed to be the one up there. i was supposed to be the one wearing a whistle. i was supposed to be doing it, putting my all into it. i was the one who belonged, the one who would've been. the one that was going to be.
the music still rings in my ears. it's the music from fall. when times were simple, and things were still incomplete. when so much work and passion was put into it. so many memories rush at me, trickling into the creases and wrinkles of my mind. no more to be made. no more sense of belonging, of family, of unity. no more feeling expelled in a mere 20 minutes on a field. no more exhilaration. just the memories.
the positives far outweigh the negatives. but what if the negative is far more important?
i cleaned out my locker. i shut the door. i locked the lock. for the last time. i took the objects back, the simple things that hold so much value in memory. the music, the charts, the mouthpieces, the gloves, the memories.
this school year is coming to an end. i won't be coming back. i'm leaving all my friends for a new life. to become a whole new person. and when i come back, things will be so different.
what made me want to leave my bubble of safety? i know there's the reasons on the surface, but what is really going on here? i had a good thing going here, a good life. why leave? why not settle for mediocrity instead of going for more? i was the top here, nothing but the best. and now i'm going to go where i'm not the best, not the top.
i feel silly when i admit that i just teared up while watching the conducting auditions for drum major. or when i put on the coveted drum major whistle. i was supposed to be the one up there. i was supposed to be the one wearing a whistle. i was supposed to be doing it, putting my all into it. i was the one who belonged, the one who would've been. the one that was going to be.
the music still rings in my ears. it's the music from fall. when times were simple, and things were still incomplete. when so much work and passion was put into it. so many memories rush at me, trickling into the creases and wrinkles of my mind. no more to be made. no more sense of belonging, of family, of unity. no more feeling expelled in a mere 20 minutes on a field. no more exhilaration. just the memories.
the positives far outweigh the negatives. but what if the negative is far more important?