like bringing a knife to a gun fight
So, get ready everyone, I am actually recording feelings in this journal. Im hating the way Im feeling. I'll be blunt. I miss being in love. I hate coming home everyday and not having someone to call and just tell about the stupid little things in my day that made me smile. I dont miss Matt. I dont. I miss what we had. I want to make it clear that he is a completely different person, one that I dont want around me any more. Im just coming out of this mindset that Ive been in. Just trying to find someone, almost anyone. But Im better than that. Or at least I think. And this time, Im not settling for second best. Im waiting for someone that I love everything about. Including flaws. Especially flaws. And who thinks the same about me. I think that will be the hard part. Only then though, is it ever going to be worth it. Sorry to complain but, this is, afterall, a journal. I miss Brie, I want to go see her. Her house is such an escape. I miss Cameron, he gets me through most of my "mood swings" and I dont think he even knows it. But sometimes I just wish I had someone here, phisically here, because sometimes you need a hug more than words. Im more frustrated with my parents than anything else. Ive still not taken segment 1 of drivers ed. Which means the latest Ill get my license is May. After Im 16. I want my license for the summer more than anything. My grades arent "good enough". One C. Just one. No compromises. And the sad part is, Im trying my absolute hardest. While Im pouring my fucking heart out, I cried today for the first time in about 4 months. And I couldnt even tell you why. I dont feel accepted with my friends. I dont know where I "belong". Im sick of hearing about drugs from everyone. Im sick of highschool drama. Im sick of not having a job. And Im sick of complaining into this journal. Ok, thats my release, mask back on. I hope no one reads this.
I apologize if you do.
I apologize if you do.