(no subject)
i don't want someone to look at this entry & be like..."umm this girl is an obsessive physco." because that's not true. that's not true at all. but here it goes...listen, give me advice, but don't judge me:
so yesterday i was with josh [the new boyface] we were over at his school just cuddling & kissing...& he said a few words that got to me...one was. "I want to fall asleep with you..." & another was..."i love being with you. i just can't get enough." & you ask what i'm asking about? well...i'm scared. scared of getting hurt. he's an amazing person....but i'm afraid i might scare him away. he loves how crazy i am, he loves staring into my eyes, he loves 'making out' with me, he makes fun of my skeleton fingers while i make fun of how white he is...i don't know. i'm falling? & i don't plan on saying 'i love you' anytime soon because john threw that world around....he threw that word around way too damn much. so i'm just scared. i'm just so damn scared. i'm being stupid...i know. ughh...butterflies in my stomach.
Rosemary (5:47:27 PM): oh thats cool, has Josh told u that he loves u?
Me (5:47:58 PM): what?? no. why does he?
Rosemary (5:48:29 PM): i dont know if he does, Im just asking, do u love him?
Me (5:50:16 PM): love is a very strong word. the last relationship i was in...the word was thrown around. he said it...but he didn't mean it. he left me for someone else. if you want the truth...i am falling for him. but i'm trying not to...because first off, i don't want to get hurt. second off...he says he doesn't believe in love.
god...i'm talking to john on aim & i'm just making myself feel worse.
i need josh. why the hell is he the hardest fucking person to get ahold of?