Why do tube socks always leave a butt load of "lint" between you're toes????
So I wake up today expecting to have a really good day for some reason... Ha!! Thats funny as you'll soon read why. So as I said I wake up... I think I went pee or something then smoked a cigarette but whatever I did Matt and I ended up going to Big Boy to eat... we're sitting there and my phone rings.... hmmm its my mom whatdya know! So I answer and shes like "Did you hear the news yet????" And I'm like "no?!?!?!" She said "well you're gunna be an aunt"... I'm like WHAT THE FUCK!!!! (didn't say that only thought that...) and she proceeds to tell me that Heather my 17 year old brother's 21 year old girl friend is pregnant... thats alright I'm happy for them/scared for my brother but what can I do? Nothing! So I'm like "Yay!!!! I'm gunna have a lil baby around". I love babies!!! Then she proceeded to tell me that Heather is in the hospitol with a severe kidney infection... thats sucks because I had one before... not a severe one so I can only imagine... BUT she then tells me how she "took charge" and took care of her like getting her cold damp cloths to put on her face and popciles and ice water and stuff... and that was like a stab in the heart to me... cause she was going on and on about it so finally I was like... "Mom, I love you but I can't stay on the phone and listen how you took care of Cody's girlfreind in the hospitol. Bye!" and I hung up. I was in tears and Matt said he "didn't want anything to do with my mom" after that. That killed me... cause some of you might know the last time I was in the hospitol practically dead...(the doctors didn't know if I was gunna make it threw the night) she up and left me at the hospitol... my grandma, Savalo, and Becky were the ONLY people that came and visited me when I almost DIED!!!! Nobody even talked to my mom til after I got outta the hospitol and I was there a week!!! Not even my stepdad... nobody knew where she was... turns out she was at some dope house or something of that sort shooting dop ein her fucking arm every chance she got... UGH she really makes me sick... But she called me back after I hung up.. and said that that was rude of me and she totally changed her WHOLE story to she told Cody to tell the nurses that Heather needed soemthing to drink ...etc... Thats how Matt said she knew she did something wrong to immediately call back and change her story to save her own ass. Then to top it off she called and told everyone that Cody was gunna be a daddy... When I was pregnant she didn't even call my dad and my grandma was there when I kinda found out... then I was living with my grandma when I had my first misscarriage that was fucking hard I didn't even want to tell her... so nope she wasn't at the least bit excited when I was. THEN the second time nobody beleived me, but she knew... and once again was she crazy about it like Cody's? Nope!!!! Then when I called her when I had my second misscarriage she was like yeah thats hard blah blah blah it happened for a reason blah blah blah and I needed a ride to the hospitol but before I could ask she had to let me go becasue she was at work... HELLO YOU'RE DAUGHTER IS HEMMORAGING!!!! DO YOU CARE?!?!?!? NO!!! Matt had to take me when he got off of work... that was so fucking painful!!!!! My dad says shes "a stupid/dumb bitch".
So to top it off being hurt from remembering about how my mom was when I was in the hospitol and how shes is with Heather... but I'm also depressed about MY pregnancies... and then the miscarriages, and the fact that I might not be able to have a baby now (I have to get blood work done) its just really fucking depressing. I'm trying to stuff it all down on the inside but I can't do that any fucking more... I mean I'm trying but it doesn't work!!!! So I have to really deal with it. UGH! I hate fucking crying but I can't seem to stop!!!! Does my mom not know what she does to me?!?!?! OH SHE KNOWS SHE JUST THINKS I'M BEING A BABY OR WHATEVER SHE FEELS LIKE CALLING ME AT THE TIME WHEN I TELL HER OR SOMETIMES SHES TO BUSY TO LISTEN!!!! I love my brother and I'm not mad at him at the least bit... but the stupid part of me now has a resentment towards Heather.. I know its not her doing but my mother's. Its funny (not really, maybe ironic) that most of my resentments somehow stem from my mother... god! shes a evil woman!!!! But then again I love her! UGH! I make myself sick!!!!!!!!!!!!!
sfhaFBAS.KFDC IM DONE NOW MY STOMACH HURTS FROM THE STRESS!!!! WORK WAS VERY STRESSFUL TOO (we were busy as fuck!!!!!)