friends....
well today is monday. i leave for home tomorrow at 8:30am. i miss home. but there's really not much there for me. there's griffin. there's school. and hopefully kailey. and hopefully other people too. oh and the beach. i feel like such a loner. when i go on my myspace i look at all the pictures of everyone having fun and i comment. but i don't really talk to anyone outside of that. at least not the way i used to. i'm just depressed that i've brought this upon myself by doing certain things that pushed a lot of people i cared about out of my life. i figured not doing certain things would make everything better again, but it doesn't i ahve to work at it and i'm not very good at it or hopefull. then tehre's certain things i don't enjoy being around and that causes conflicts between me and those people too. there's never an easy answer. but all i want it one that i'm happy with. i tried this whole put yourself first, blah blah bullshit. and now i have no friends. coincidence? i think not. cause when i put other's first at least i had friends. you know it's lonely. and it sucks not being called for anything at all anymore. i can't fall back into who i was last year or even with a lot of the people i used to hang out with. cause i just feel like too much of an outsider. and it sucks. i mean this doesn't exactly sound the way i wanted it too. but i don't go to my therapist anymore, cause she sucks. and i'm in the process of finding a new one. i don't have a best friend anymore. i don't have anyone i can call a friend that consider me one as well. i have a boyfriend. but boy's aren't enough. once again i've sabatoged a great friendship. how wonderful of me. i just miss it. i miss something. no i know what it is. i miss having friends i can turn to and always count on. i don't need them but it would help. i miss friends. i should have always put my friends first. never something less insignificant. well now i learned. i miss you guys. and you know who you are......