Heartbroken
I leave for santa barbara in like 40 min. I'm going up there to visit my uncle Homer!! I love him. he is the bomb diggity. He gets me... he just doesn't know all.. I don't think I'm going to be seeing Mike O anymore. Ever since Robert called me the other day i've been in this emotional funk shit and i haven't been able to get out. I'm still in love with him and I thought by jumping into something else with a new guy i would be better off. WRONG. it made things worse. i don't/can't feel the same about mike anymore. it's just impossible. i tried... i really did.. but i can't. if Robert were to come home I'd drop everything in a second and things would go right back to normal. it's so hard. if i could i'd be with him.. but since he moved to england it's not going to work. it hurts so bad. you know how people say "i'll die without them" well it's true. a part of you dies. the part that belonged to them. the piece of my heart i gave away to him for 10 months... is now slowly dying.. and it's too hard. i keep breaking down and crying. it hurts so much.......
My obsessions piss me off; today i flipped out cause stefani almost lost my coors beer bottle cap. and without that i can't become un-stressed.. i get anxious without it and i stay that way. when i came home from the mall i was freaking out because there wasn't any cold water bottles. i carry my water bottles with me everywhere in the house. i sleep with one in my bed too. they make me feel comfortable and safe. i had an anxiety attack waiting for the water to get cold. it makes me mad. i couldn't relax!!!! rawr! it's annoying!! and stupid!
My obsessions piss me off; today i flipped out cause stefani almost lost my coors beer bottle cap. and without that i can't become un-stressed.. i get anxious without it and i stay that way. when i came home from the mall i was freaking out because there wasn't any cold water bottles. i carry my water bottles with me everywhere in the house. i sleep with one in my bed too. they make me feel comfortable and safe. i had an anxiety attack waiting for the water to get cold. it makes me mad. i couldn't relax!!!! rawr! it's annoying!! and stupid!