Jan 15, 2007 23:58
more and more i'm coming to the realization that i am going to die alone
this has become less and less speculation and turned into something that is slowly but surely becoming a cold hard fact to me
when i think about the future, i don't ever see myself with a family
in fact, i don't really see much past 30
i really don't think i'm ever going to be able to devote that much of myself to anyone for long
whether a significant other or a child
i know for experience that after a certain amount of time i just want out
i really can't explain why
there's probably a multitude of reasons, i suppose
but that's neither here nor there, and is probably best left for a later date
back to the point
i feel as if the older i get, the less i want and a family
unless i never have to deal with them
in that case, i'll take it
which is sad but true when i think about it
though i'm not going to lose any sleep (or at least i tell myself that)
the only future i can see past 30 is me as an old man
alone, dying, nobody to care for him
and with that in mind, i still know that there is nothing i can do about it that would let me still be me
this future assumes that i don't die before then of some self inflicted disease or some seemingly random tragedy