i cant stand it anymore...i need to vent
i dont know what to do. ive never been so lost, alone, rejected, confused in my entire life. i dont even know what i am to be honest. i look happy and i act like it doesnt bother me, but it does.
i cant take it anymore. i NEED to talk to mike. i still havent talked to him since monday last week. i keep lying to myself and everyone else. i say i dont care, but i really do. its driving me crazy. i seriously do not know why its bothering me. he just stopped talking to me with no reason. i mean im suppose to hate him, right? i cant bring myself to not like him. we havent even broken up. i mean, its pretty obvious that we arent together anymore..but i feel like i need closure. i need him to tell me its over. i cant explain it. i wish it wasnt tho. i really liked him. he was just one of those guys i could see myself with. yea he has a lot of problems but AH theres something about him. i cant explain it. man i dont know what to do. it doesnt make sense to me. how can we go from not be able to go with out seeing each other and talking to each other for a hour..to not talking at all? it doesnt make sense. i mean we would talk on the phone FOR HOURS..he came to visit me at work, (even tho he cant be at desert ridge), we hung out for hours, we stayed up all nite one nite just talking in his car.. i mean GOD just everything was SO right. ah i keep going on and on about this but i have no one to talk to. i have no friends that i can just spill all this out to. cuz to be honest, i dont think any of my friends care.
this entire week, i have been having theE realest dreams ever. and guess who is in every one? and ive remember all of them. almost everyone ive been with michael. and we didnt hate each other. some of them its been a situation that happened in real life. its weird. and it makes me want to talk to him even more.
i wish hed at least call or something. that way even if we end up hating each other (again)...i can at least say i talked to him and i would have closure. but it wont happen. and whats sad...is that i would go back to him in a heart beat.
tomorrow me and toni are presenting our history project. it is SO funny. nick was george washington. haha its just funny. you have to see it. in one scene, someone is smoking in the background, its so obvious. im kinda scared we mite get in trouble. oh well we werent the ones smoking?
well im not working friday or saturday nite. so i need to find something to do. ill probaly hang out with brie or the guys tomorrow nite. i kinda hope there will be a repeat of last friday nite, maybe then mike will realize he should talk to me cuz ill always be there with MY friends and his friends. and saturday im hanging out with emily probaly, unless theres something else to do. and im working saturday and sunday morning.
G said this today in history..."to the world you are just one person..but to one person, you could be their world"
i cant take it anymore. i NEED to talk to mike. i still havent talked to him since monday last week. i keep lying to myself and everyone else. i say i dont care, but i really do. its driving me crazy. i seriously do not know why its bothering me. he just stopped talking to me with no reason. i mean im suppose to hate him, right? i cant bring myself to not like him. we havent even broken up. i mean, its pretty obvious that we arent together anymore..but i feel like i need closure. i need him to tell me its over. i cant explain it. i wish it wasnt tho. i really liked him. he was just one of those guys i could see myself with. yea he has a lot of problems but AH theres something about him. i cant explain it. man i dont know what to do. it doesnt make sense to me. how can we go from not be able to go with out seeing each other and talking to each other for a hour..to not talking at all? it doesnt make sense. i mean we would talk on the phone FOR HOURS..he came to visit me at work, (even tho he cant be at desert ridge), we hung out for hours, we stayed up all nite one nite just talking in his car.. i mean GOD just everything was SO right. ah i keep going on and on about this but i have no one to talk to. i have no friends that i can just spill all this out to. cuz to be honest, i dont think any of my friends care.
this entire week, i have been having theE realest dreams ever. and guess who is in every one? and ive remember all of them. almost everyone ive been with michael. and we didnt hate each other. some of them its been a situation that happened in real life. its weird. and it makes me want to talk to him even more.
i wish hed at least call or something. that way even if we end up hating each other (again)...i can at least say i talked to him and i would have closure. but it wont happen. and whats sad...is that i would go back to him in a heart beat.
tomorrow me and toni are presenting our history project. it is SO funny. nick was george washington. haha its just funny. you have to see it. in one scene, someone is smoking in the background, its so obvious. im kinda scared we mite get in trouble. oh well we werent the ones smoking?
well im not working friday or saturday nite. so i need to find something to do. ill probaly hang out with brie or the guys tomorrow nite. i kinda hope there will be a repeat of last friday nite, maybe then mike will realize he should talk to me cuz ill always be there with MY friends and his friends. and saturday im hanging out with emily probaly, unless theres something else to do. and im working saturday and sunday morning.
G said this today in history..."to the world you are just one person..but to one person, you could be their world"