don't worry, baby.
I don't want to jinx myself but I think I finally broke through the wall of not being able to paralell park (skillfully). I learned how to paralell the day BEFORE my road test (which I passed, first try) and had no problems with it, but I guess its one of those things that if you don't use it, you lose it, because after I moved from Albany (and didn't have a car anymore) I never needed to paralell so my skills kinda diminished. But now I am the master again, and it feels gooood. Yes, its a small milestone, one that isn't really that impressive, but I did it and the fragile emotional state I am in lately, I'll take anything uplifting.
Friday I worked, I got made employee of the month, got a 50$ check for my efforts, and for the most part, it was a good day. I was in the middle of paralell parking outside of Dustin and Cocos when my Mom called me to tell me what her doctors had said, and somehow I managed to park the car without crashing it, I got out and unlocked the doors and got into their apartment (nobody was home, I was there to walk Norma as I often do as a favor for Coco) and just sat on the couch crying really hard for a while. Norma snuggled with me, its kindof touching when animals realize that you are upset, because they really do console you in their own way. I took her out, called Mary who thank god, answered her phone and helped me calm down, and then I went home to cry here until Ryan got home. Now I have to say, one of the things that I pride myself on is my ability to handle pressure, stress, and bad news. After the last time my Mom was sick and me having to handle it on my own (at least for some of the time), I thought I could handle anything on my own, but I have to say that if Ryan wasn't in my life, dealing with her surgery and now her remission, I would be in the middle of a downward spiral. He came home and I was laying on the bed with Eleanor, listening to Clarity in the dark, and crying. That would weird just about anybody out, with good reason, but he just laid down, asked me what was wrong, and when I told him and started to cry into him, he just held me there. Which was exactly what I needed, because as much as I can hug Norma and Eleanor, they can't really hug me back. He just understands me and what I am going through, he handles me in these emotional states very delicately and I love him so much for it. I know I can handle this on my own, but having him by my side makes it much easier.
Friday night we really didn't do too much, we hung out at Andrews for a blunt and then came home to make dinner, we lazed around the house which was nice and then Saturday we got up and went to run errands. Ryan got a new cymbol and we went to the practice space together to set his drums up, and he gave me my very first real drum lesson. I just love playing the drums! I feel like its a similar release of energy to a full night of dancing at a show, you use every muscle and all your energy, I only played for like 45 minutes but I want to play all day every day now, I think that it gave me a better understanding of why he loves playing so much. At least I know that when we have band house, I will be playing when nobody is home, haha. Once the rest of Planet Eater got to the space, I left to go home to bake for Joe Partys going away again party, and decided on a whim to stop at the mall and get something, it was a madhouse but I got a new tee shirt and a cute longsleeved shirt for very cheap at Forev 21 and then came home, baked cupcakes, took a shower, and made a card and then we left to go up to the party. The place slowly filled up with our friends, I played beer pong with Ryan, asshole with the ladies (and Mike Hait, of course) and then played guitar and sang (I MUST have been drunk!) for the very first time with an audience that wasn't Ryan or Matt Marsden. That was fun and I got pretty high with Andrew and Coco and Mullin, and then came the flip cup. I wasn't planning on playing because I was drunk already and we all have heard my post-drinking stomach ache complaints, but I decided that if I was going to drink I might as well go big as I won't be drinking again for a while, and I certainly did go big. We had 9 or 10 people on each side for the 7 or 8 games that I played, I lost my voice screaming for my team during each round, and screaming at the other team in between rounds. Sometimes I really forget just how rowdy I get when I let loose, and luckily I had the sense to tell myself that I needed to eat something and I left with Coco and went to her house to get high and order food. I ate half of my steak sandwich and basically passed out, I started having the spins and was very upset because I had planned on going back to the party to watch my boyfriend in the 'Loser Leaves Town' wrestling match at 2am, but what can you do. It was in the garage, on a cement floor so maybe it was better that I didn't see it, who knows. I slept through the video, too but I'm sure I'll see it eventually.
Yesterday Ryan was sore from his concrete floor match so I tucked him in and then went up to Cocos to watch the Giants game, and we ended up sitting in her living room under every blanket in the house, watching at least 5 episodes of Americas Next Top Model, I came home, made dinner for Ryan and I, he went to bed and I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall which was adorable and had a few cameos that absolutely killed me. Jason Segels penis was seen a few times, which was unnecessary but hilarious, and I slept like a baby on the futon until Ryan woke me up and escorted me back to bed. Then he left for work and I went to work shortly after that.
This week I am looking forward to Knitting Lessons on Friday, visiting with Amanda and Corbin one afternoon, and hopefully finding some god damn warm and waterproof shoes that are acceptable for an Albany winter. I have a mess of grey sweatshirt fabric that I got a few weeks ago that I am planning on trying to sew myself a shirt out of, which should be interesting to say the least. Life is pretty good, for the most part. I know that my Mom is tough and that she's already beaten cancer once, but I am still terrified of losing her. After her surgery I think I got a little smug in thinking that the worst was over so this really beats me when I'm not looking, but I know that we can get through it, my family is strong and her doctors are really awesome so I have complete faith that she'll be okay. I just hope she doesn't have to suffer as much this time as she did last time. Ehhhhh.
STAY POSI!
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:
-Going up to Cocos in a half hour to watch Season 2 of Project Runway reruns (WHERES ANDRE!?!?)
-Raw/Taco Night tonight.
-Smackdown on the 25th.
-Seeing Mary and my Family (parents AND grandparents) for thanksgiving.
-A night in Orange County.
-Ryan is getting me my JEW Clarity ticket for xmas! Best boyfriend EVER EVER EVER.
Smell you later, I suppose.
Friday I worked, I got made employee of the month, got a 50$ check for my efforts, and for the most part, it was a good day. I was in the middle of paralell parking outside of Dustin and Cocos when my Mom called me to tell me what her doctors had said, and somehow I managed to park the car without crashing it, I got out and unlocked the doors and got into their apartment (nobody was home, I was there to walk Norma as I often do as a favor for Coco) and just sat on the couch crying really hard for a while. Norma snuggled with me, its kindof touching when animals realize that you are upset, because they really do console you in their own way. I took her out, called Mary who thank god, answered her phone and helped me calm down, and then I went home to cry here until Ryan got home. Now I have to say, one of the things that I pride myself on is my ability to handle pressure, stress, and bad news. After the last time my Mom was sick and me having to handle it on my own (at least for some of the time), I thought I could handle anything on my own, but I have to say that if Ryan wasn't in my life, dealing with her surgery and now her remission, I would be in the middle of a downward spiral. He came home and I was laying on the bed with Eleanor, listening to Clarity in the dark, and crying. That would weird just about anybody out, with good reason, but he just laid down, asked me what was wrong, and when I told him and started to cry into him, he just held me there. Which was exactly what I needed, because as much as I can hug Norma and Eleanor, they can't really hug me back. He just understands me and what I am going through, he handles me in these emotional states very delicately and I love him so much for it. I know I can handle this on my own, but having him by my side makes it much easier.
Friday night we really didn't do too much, we hung out at Andrews for a blunt and then came home to make dinner, we lazed around the house which was nice and then Saturday we got up and went to run errands. Ryan got a new cymbol and we went to the practice space together to set his drums up, and he gave me my very first real drum lesson. I just love playing the drums! I feel like its a similar release of energy to a full night of dancing at a show, you use every muscle and all your energy, I only played for like 45 minutes but I want to play all day every day now, I think that it gave me a better understanding of why he loves playing so much. At least I know that when we have band house, I will be playing when nobody is home, haha. Once the rest of Planet Eater got to the space, I left to go home to bake for Joe Partys going away again party, and decided on a whim to stop at the mall and get something, it was a madhouse but I got a new tee shirt and a cute longsleeved shirt for very cheap at Forev 21 and then came home, baked cupcakes, took a shower, and made a card and then we left to go up to the party. The place slowly filled up with our friends, I played beer pong with Ryan, asshole with the ladies (and Mike Hait, of course) and then played guitar and sang (I MUST have been drunk!) for the very first time with an audience that wasn't Ryan or Matt Marsden. That was fun and I got pretty high with Andrew and Coco and Mullin, and then came the flip cup. I wasn't planning on playing because I was drunk already and we all have heard my post-drinking stomach ache complaints, but I decided that if I was going to drink I might as well go big as I won't be drinking again for a while, and I certainly did go big. We had 9 or 10 people on each side for the 7 or 8 games that I played, I lost my voice screaming for my team during each round, and screaming at the other team in between rounds. Sometimes I really forget just how rowdy I get when I let loose, and luckily I had the sense to tell myself that I needed to eat something and I left with Coco and went to her house to get high and order food. I ate half of my steak sandwich and basically passed out, I started having the spins and was very upset because I had planned on going back to the party to watch my boyfriend in the 'Loser Leaves Town' wrestling match at 2am, but what can you do. It was in the garage, on a cement floor so maybe it was better that I didn't see it, who knows. I slept through the video, too but I'm sure I'll see it eventually.
Yesterday Ryan was sore from his concrete floor match so I tucked him in and then went up to Cocos to watch the Giants game, and we ended up sitting in her living room under every blanket in the house, watching at least 5 episodes of Americas Next Top Model, I came home, made dinner for Ryan and I, he went to bed and I watched Forgetting Sarah Marshall which was adorable and had a few cameos that absolutely killed me. Jason Segels penis was seen a few times, which was unnecessary but hilarious, and I slept like a baby on the futon until Ryan woke me up and escorted me back to bed. Then he left for work and I went to work shortly after that.
This week I am looking forward to Knitting Lessons on Friday, visiting with Amanda and Corbin one afternoon, and hopefully finding some god damn warm and waterproof shoes that are acceptable for an Albany winter. I have a mess of grey sweatshirt fabric that I got a few weeks ago that I am planning on trying to sew myself a shirt out of, which should be interesting to say the least. Life is pretty good, for the most part. I know that my Mom is tough and that she's already beaten cancer once, but I am still terrified of losing her. After her surgery I think I got a little smug in thinking that the worst was over so this really beats me when I'm not looking, but I know that we can get through it, my family is strong and her doctors are really awesome so I have complete faith that she'll be okay. I just hope she doesn't have to suffer as much this time as she did last time. Ehhhhh.
STAY POSI!
THINGS I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO:
-Going up to Cocos in a half hour to watch Season 2 of Project Runway reruns (WHERES ANDRE!?!?)
-Raw/Taco Night tonight.
-Smackdown on the 25th.
-Seeing Mary and my Family (parents AND grandparents) for thanksgiving.
-A night in Orange County.
-Ryan is getting me my JEW Clarity ticket for xmas! Best boyfriend EVER EVER EVER.
Smell you later, I suppose.