::its time for change::
I have been going through a lot of shit the last few weeks and decided I am going to make some changes.
*My friend Kristin whom I have loved for god knows how long has not shown any sign of attraction toward me. After Buying her a disneyland pass, writing her cards telling her what a miracle she is in my life and the dozens and dozens of random flowers sent to her house, I am giving up on her. It is a hopeless effort. I am better than that! I am a great guy and if she can't see it then that's her loss.
*My friend Maris from Santa Barbara, who has been my recent interest, I am giving up on as well. She has also not shown enough interest in me. If a girl is into me, she better be vocal about it cause I am not gonna get in a relationship with a girl who is always self conscious about telling me how she feels.
*I have been a part of the Catholic church for 4 years now by my own free will and have been a youth group leader for two years. Just recently our youth minister was fired and the youth group is no more. The church has been pissing me off a lot lately. Not the church itself, but the people. People don't really take in what's going on and take advantage of it. I don't get why they are there if they aren't gonna do something about it. I can't be around those people right now. So, for that reason, I am taking time off church and I will be seeking other forms of spiritual enlightenment.
*Lately I have been drinking wayyyy too much alcohol. I have been partying 5 nights a week and now that school is here, I fear it will interfere and destroy the good path I have set up for myself. For this, I am limiting my drinking to one night a week.
*I told myself that my new years resolution is to stop smoking. Well I am not ready yet. I know I am dying because of it, but I am willing to accept that. I like having a cigarette and tea after a nice dinner. I like sitting outside at 2am thinking about life and taking drags from my cancer stick. If it is foolish or ignorant, so be it. I will NOT deny who I am.
*I have also been giving out this notion too many people that I am an innocent young man. I am not innocent young man. In fact, I am a very sexual person. I enjoy my sexuality and love to exploit it. If I am a whore or a perv because I like being aroused then so be it. I am who I am. DOn't like it? GO FUCK YOURSELF!
*Many girls think I am a really sweet guy or a down right jerk. Let me take this time to tell you I am both. I am nice guy with an edge. I love treating well, but if you are dumb or can't accept the fact that a guy can actually treat you well(most girls aren't used to that), well then I will treat you like the rest of them. I will not go out of my way to please others if they won't appreciate it! The most important thing to me is ME! Call it selfish, call it naive, call it unjust. I really don't give a floppy titted fuck! We are ALL selfish people when it all comes down to it! Just cause I am admitting it doesn't make it any worse then the rest of you.
*For the last year I have not worked out one day. Lately I have begun noticing I am gaining weight. I am not fat, but I am getting chubby. Now some of you may think this is ridiculous. You may think I look fine the way I am. Well I don't! I don't care what you think. I care what I think. I have to wake up with this fat ass and gut every morning. YOU DON'T! Today I ran three miles, which I haven't done in over a year, and did 300+ sit-ups. I am determined to get my six pack back. I am not doing this for anyone but myself.
These are the changes I am making. Some bad, some good, some really don't matter that much. This is who I am. I have been trying to be someone everyone else wants me to be for far too long. This is my life! And now I am taking charge! I am becoming who I am meant to be for the rest of my life.
*My friend Kristin whom I have loved for god knows how long has not shown any sign of attraction toward me. After Buying her a disneyland pass, writing her cards telling her what a miracle she is in my life and the dozens and dozens of random flowers sent to her house, I am giving up on her. It is a hopeless effort. I am better than that! I am a great guy and if she can't see it then that's her loss.
*My friend Maris from Santa Barbara, who has been my recent interest, I am giving up on as well. She has also not shown enough interest in me. If a girl is into me, she better be vocal about it cause I am not gonna get in a relationship with a girl who is always self conscious about telling me how she feels.
*I have been a part of the Catholic church for 4 years now by my own free will and have been a youth group leader for two years. Just recently our youth minister was fired and the youth group is no more. The church has been pissing me off a lot lately. Not the church itself, but the people. People don't really take in what's going on and take advantage of it. I don't get why they are there if they aren't gonna do something about it. I can't be around those people right now. So, for that reason, I am taking time off church and I will be seeking other forms of spiritual enlightenment.
*Lately I have been drinking wayyyy too much alcohol. I have been partying 5 nights a week and now that school is here, I fear it will interfere and destroy the good path I have set up for myself. For this, I am limiting my drinking to one night a week.
*I told myself that my new years resolution is to stop smoking. Well I am not ready yet. I know I am dying because of it, but I am willing to accept that. I like having a cigarette and tea after a nice dinner. I like sitting outside at 2am thinking about life and taking drags from my cancer stick. If it is foolish or ignorant, so be it. I will NOT deny who I am.
*I have also been giving out this notion too many people that I am an innocent young man. I am not innocent young man. In fact, I am a very sexual person. I enjoy my sexuality and love to exploit it. If I am a whore or a perv because I like being aroused then so be it. I am who I am. DOn't like it? GO FUCK YOURSELF!
*Many girls think I am a really sweet guy or a down right jerk. Let me take this time to tell you I am both. I am nice guy with an edge. I love treating well, but if you are dumb or can't accept the fact that a guy can actually treat you well(most girls aren't used to that), well then I will treat you like the rest of them. I will not go out of my way to please others if they won't appreciate it! The most important thing to me is ME! Call it selfish, call it naive, call it unjust. I really don't give a floppy titted fuck! We are ALL selfish people when it all comes down to it! Just cause I am admitting it doesn't make it any worse then the rest of you.
*For the last year I have not worked out one day. Lately I have begun noticing I am gaining weight. I am not fat, but I am getting chubby. Now some of you may think this is ridiculous. You may think I look fine the way I am. Well I don't! I don't care what you think. I care what I think. I have to wake up with this fat ass and gut every morning. YOU DON'T! Today I ran three miles, which I haven't done in over a year, and did 300+ sit-ups. I am determined to get my six pack back. I am not doing this for anyone but myself.
These are the changes I am making. Some bad, some good, some really don't matter that much. This is who I am. I have been trying to be someone everyone else wants me to be for far too long. This is my life! And now I am taking charge! I am becoming who I am meant to be for the rest of my life.