(no subject)
Things suck!
I honestly don't think God intended for life to be this difficult.
I don't even know what's been bothering me lately.
Well, maybe I do,
but I definately don't want to talk about it.
I just haven't been myself lately.
I find it amazing how I can mysteriously put up this front when I'm around people.
I don't even want to explain myself.
You wouldn't understand, as I wouldn't expect you to.
I had to work today.
I was laughing, joking, pretending to have fun.
Inside though, I just wanted to hurt everyone else for being so happy.
I hate this time of the year.
I find it difficult to enjoy myself around the holidays.
I hate that the holidays make everyone so happy.
I wish they had the same effect on me.
I'm actually contemplating the idea of volunteering to close on New Year's Eve,
and then open on New Year's Day.
Just so I have an excuse to not see people.
I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to pretend to be happy anymore.
New Year's doesn't exactly make me happy anyways.
Knowing my luck, my ability to pretend would dissolve as I consume more alcohol on New Year's.
As of now, I want to at least pretend to be happy.
It's really the next best thing to the genuine feeling.
I wish I could just pack up all my stuff and leave.
The idea of just driving until I run out of money seems nice.
Hopefully I can end up somewhere warm.
I'll find a job.
At McDonald's if need be.
I'll find a way to make ends meet and be by myself.
Now that sounds like happiness.
Here, nothing seems to work.
I'm learning that, no matter how hard I try, the only thing that works out right is school.
Maybe that will make me happy in the future,
but right now, a 4.0 doesn't do shit for me.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Pray that I'll wake up somewhere else in the morning.
I honestly don't think God intended for life to be this difficult.
I don't even know what's been bothering me lately.
Well, maybe I do,
but I definately don't want to talk about it.
I just haven't been myself lately.
I find it amazing how I can mysteriously put up this front when I'm around people.
I don't even want to explain myself.
You wouldn't understand, as I wouldn't expect you to.
I had to work today.
I was laughing, joking, pretending to have fun.
Inside though, I just wanted to hurt everyone else for being so happy.
I hate this time of the year.
I find it difficult to enjoy myself around the holidays.
I hate that the holidays make everyone so happy.
I wish they had the same effect on me.
I'm actually contemplating the idea of volunteering to close on New Year's Eve,
and then open on New Year's Day.
Just so I have an excuse to not see people.
I'm afraid that one day I won't be able to pretend to be happy anymore.
New Year's doesn't exactly make me happy anyways.
Knowing my luck, my ability to pretend would dissolve as I consume more alcohol on New Year's.
As of now, I want to at least pretend to be happy.
It's really the next best thing to the genuine feeling.
I wish I could just pack up all my stuff and leave.
The idea of just driving until I run out of money seems nice.
Hopefully I can end up somewhere warm.
I'll find a job.
At McDonald's if need be.
I'll find a way to make ends meet and be by myself.
Now that sounds like happiness.
Here, nothing seems to work.
I'm learning that, no matter how hard I try, the only thing that works out right is school.
Maybe that will make me happy in the future,
but right now, a 4.0 doesn't do shit for me.
I'm gonna go to bed.
Pray that I'll wake up somewhere else in the morning.