today.
I have a doctors appointment Tuesday at 9:00 am to see how my spine is doing. For the past two weeks, I've just assumed that it's going to be good news, and that I'm going to be cleared to resume all my old activities, with caution of course, and maybe some physical therapy. It's what I've been telling everyone who has asked at the rock wall since I've started working again 2 weeks ago. I've told them that most likely, I'll be cleared to climb again.
And then today. I had a great day. Then I came home, took off my shirt and bra in front of the mirror and realized that my spine is definitely more curved than before. Definitely. I don't look the same. Everyone will tell me you can't notice the difference, but I can. And, Jack could see it too.
That is when the thought entered my mind that maybe, just maybe, I HAVEN'T gotten better. And what if, I walk into the stupid fucking hospital on Tuesday morning, and they tell me, NO. NO I CANNOT START CLIMBING AGAIN. NO. THE SITUATION IS NOT IMPROVING.
So I started crying in the laundry room. And I haven't stopped crying for about half an hour now. Because, I can't keep NOT doing anything. It's driving me insane. The light at the end of the tunnel for the past 3 months has been that soon, I will be back to normal. But what if I'm not? Then, what the fuck do I do with myself?
And then today. I had a great day. Then I came home, took off my shirt and bra in front of the mirror and realized that my spine is definitely more curved than before. Definitely. I don't look the same. Everyone will tell me you can't notice the difference, but I can. And, Jack could see it too.
That is when the thought entered my mind that maybe, just maybe, I HAVEN'T gotten better. And what if, I walk into the stupid fucking hospital on Tuesday morning, and they tell me, NO. NO I CANNOT START CLIMBING AGAIN. NO. THE SITUATION IS NOT IMPROVING.
So I started crying in the laundry room. And I haven't stopped crying for about half an hour now. Because, I can't keep NOT doing anything. It's driving me insane. The light at the end of the tunnel for the past 3 months has been that soon, I will be back to normal. But what if I'm not? Then, what the fuck do I do with myself?