oopps i did it again...
story repeats itself. i swear, it always happens around this time of year. at least it feels like for the last 3-4 years. BLEH. i start to get attached to a guy, it all seems to be going great. too good to be true. and when there's a hint of the guys intest not being there, i tend to shrug it off, i mean, i see i signs and i see it all coming, but nope. i just pretend not to notice, and i just go on believing, maybe i'm just wrong, maybe i can convince this guy to have REAL feelings for me. NOPE.
why do i always fool myself. am i that despreate? yes. hahaha..... it hurts just to want something sooo much, everyone around is happy, getting married, having kids, or just starting a relationship. i didn't know how much i wanted all that shite. but i really do. everyday it just seem less and less possible. it's way out of my reach, way out of my line of sight. it's god laughing at me because i don't believe in him. hahaha...asshole.
and the worst part of everything is that when something thing goes wrong i always stop and starting thinking about fucking Louie. when we were together, or when we would hang out, he made me feel like i was the only one he cared out. that's a player for you. i know it was all just to get what he wanted outta me, but it was just such a pretty lie. like the time when he invited me to his little girls birthday party, and i got to meet his partents. i felt so fucking included and like "he wouldn't intoduce me to them if he didn't care." BULLSHITE. arrrgh. but i can't help going back to those thoughts over and over again. i hate myself for it.
i hate this, i feel how weak i feel. nope, i hate how WEAK I AM. booooo!!!
okay enough of the sappy blogging.
♥
why do i always fool myself. am i that despreate? yes. hahaha..... it hurts just to want something sooo much, everyone around is happy, getting married, having kids, or just starting a relationship. i didn't know how much i wanted all that shite. but i really do. everyday it just seem less and less possible. it's way out of my reach, way out of my line of sight. it's god laughing at me because i don't believe in him. hahaha...asshole.
and the worst part of everything is that when something thing goes wrong i always stop and starting thinking about fucking Louie. when we were together, or when we would hang out, he made me feel like i was the only one he cared out. that's a player for you. i know it was all just to get what he wanted outta me, but it was just such a pretty lie. like the time when he invited me to his little girls birthday party, and i got to meet his partents. i felt so fucking included and like "he wouldn't intoduce me to them if he didn't care." BULLSHITE. arrrgh. but i can't help going back to those thoughts over and over again. i hate myself for it.
i hate this, i feel how weak i feel. nope, i hate how WEAK I AM. booooo!!!
okay enough of the sappy blogging.
♥