(no subject)
Well...
Me and Mark talked for a long time the other night, and basically I asked him what are we waiting for, if nothings happend yet, then why do we expect it to anytime soon, were waiting for nothing...It was so hard to discuss it, and I told him I couldnt talk to him like we talk anymore, because we arent going out, so what makes it right for us to act like we are. It hurts so much knowing I cant ever see him, so why should we both have to deal with that kind of shit. And thats basically when it ended. it ended not the way id hoped it to, but there was no other way...it ended with a "so I guess ill see you around..." and me crying on the other end of the phone.
The way I see it as, if i care about him as much as I think I do, then why did I let it all go so easy? but then I thought of how hard I tried to keep it working for the past 4 months. I think in a way it was time for us both to just give in and admit that it was time for us to let go of eachother, its definatly going to be hard, and right now I dont want this more then anything because how much I feel like I love him, But soon things will get back to the way they used to be.
I just hope he knows that I cared so much about him and I didnt do this because i didnt care, I did it because I care about how things end up with the both of us, and I dont want them to end up they way they did when we first broke up, so I dont know..it's just going to take a while...
Me and Mark talked for a long time the other night, and basically I asked him what are we waiting for, if nothings happend yet, then why do we expect it to anytime soon, were waiting for nothing...It was so hard to discuss it, and I told him I couldnt talk to him like we talk anymore, because we arent going out, so what makes it right for us to act like we are. It hurts so much knowing I cant ever see him, so why should we both have to deal with that kind of shit. And thats basically when it ended. it ended not the way id hoped it to, but there was no other way...it ended with a "so I guess ill see you around..." and me crying on the other end of the phone.
The way I see it as, if i care about him as much as I think I do, then why did I let it all go so easy? but then I thought of how hard I tried to keep it working for the past 4 months. I think in a way it was time for us both to just give in and admit that it was time for us to let go of eachother, its definatly going to be hard, and right now I dont want this more then anything because how much I feel like I love him, But soon things will get back to the way they used to be.
I just hope he knows that I cared so much about him and I didnt do this because i didnt care, I did it because I care about how things end up with the both of us, and I dont want them to end up they way they did when we first broke up, so I dont know..it's just going to take a while...