(no subject)
im updateing to just completely let everything out
He still loves me...I had no idea, i dont think id ever even taken a second to even think about it, he didnt want me to know, he said i was happy and he didnt want to upset me, he saw how happy i was with mark...he didnt want to ruin it for me
I read his journal entrys...almost all of them, i cried knowing how i hurt him so...There was never a single thought in my mind that he would have still loved me, not this way. I keep telling myself "What is there to love?" theres nothing, what does he see that I dont. If YOU are reading this, I want you to know how sorry I am, I never meant to hurt you, not like this...You said you didnt want me to know, I'm glad I do now. I just dont know what to think, please forgive me if I don't always talk to you, or talk back, sometimes I just dont know what to say, I dont know if its the wrong thing, or the right thing, please just forgive me for hurting you so bad, it was never my intention of doing so. I hope we'll be friends sometime or another, I dont want to forget you, I never HAVE forgotten you, I just seemed to have put US in the past and gotten on with a new life. I hoped the same for you...
Well as most of you know, me and Mark had to break up, I still sit here everyday dwelling on the fact that were no longer together. Its been 3 weeks and it still seems unreal. I dont think I want to let myself come to accept that were no longer together. It just hurts so bad sometimes.
Sometimes I try not to think about it, and think were still together, we still COULD be together, thats what kills me the most. but in a way I dont know how we would work things out around his parents.
I havent updated in forever...I think I might start updateing more, it feels good to just write everything down
Ketterings ok I guess, it just seems like everyone hates everyone else for no reason at all, I hate it sometimes, And it seems like the people I was closest to at the beginning of the year, are no longer friends to me, I dont know why i let things like that happen, sometimes I think its my fault, that I never asked them to hang out, or I didnt spend enough time with them.
My friends are basically the only thing I feel like I have left, they mean so much to me, YOU guys are the only ones who have stuck by me through shit like this. It means so much to me when you just sit and listen. I hate telling people my feelings its so hard sometimes because very often even I dont know how i feel. But you guys help me out, and thanks for that.
Its a new year, everythings starting new, I want this one to be a good one, I dont want to deal with the drama of life, I just want everything to go away and be fine again, I've never wanted anything more then that. Right now i think everything is just messing me up because of HIM, i couldnt love you any more then I do now, i dont know if YOU will ever read this, but if you dont, you should know how much I love you anyway, and always will.
Help me out and leave me a comment on all of this...I just dont know what to think.
He still loves me...I had no idea, i dont think id ever even taken a second to even think about it, he didnt want me to know, he said i was happy and he didnt want to upset me, he saw how happy i was with mark...he didnt want to ruin it for me
I read his journal entrys...almost all of them, i cried knowing how i hurt him so...There was never a single thought in my mind that he would have still loved me, not this way. I keep telling myself "What is there to love?" theres nothing, what does he see that I dont. If YOU are reading this, I want you to know how sorry I am, I never meant to hurt you, not like this...You said you didnt want me to know, I'm glad I do now. I just dont know what to think, please forgive me if I don't always talk to you, or talk back, sometimes I just dont know what to say, I dont know if its the wrong thing, or the right thing, please just forgive me for hurting you so bad, it was never my intention of doing so. I hope we'll be friends sometime or another, I dont want to forget you, I never HAVE forgotten you, I just seemed to have put US in the past and gotten on with a new life. I hoped the same for you...
Well as most of you know, me and Mark had to break up, I still sit here everyday dwelling on the fact that were no longer together. Its been 3 weeks and it still seems unreal. I dont think I want to let myself come to accept that were no longer together. It just hurts so bad sometimes.
Sometimes I try not to think about it, and think were still together, we still COULD be together, thats what kills me the most. but in a way I dont know how we would work things out around his parents.
I havent updated in forever...I think I might start updateing more, it feels good to just write everything down
Ketterings ok I guess, it just seems like everyone hates everyone else for no reason at all, I hate it sometimes, And it seems like the people I was closest to at the beginning of the year, are no longer friends to me, I dont know why i let things like that happen, sometimes I think its my fault, that I never asked them to hang out, or I didnt spend enough time with them.
My friends are basically the only thing I feel like I have left, they mean so much to me, YOU guys are the only ones who have stuck by me through shit like this. It means so much to me when you just sit and listen. I hate telling people my feelings its so hard sometimes because very often even I dont know how i feel. But you guys help me out, and thanks for that.
Its a new year, everythings starting new, I want this one to be a good one, I dont want to deal with the drama of life, I just want everything to go away and be fine again, I've never wanted anything more then that. Right now i think everything is just messing me up because of HIM, i couldnt love you any more then I do now, i dont know if YOU will ever read this, but if you dont, you should know how much I love you anyway, and always will.
Help me out and leave me a comment on all of this...I just dont know what to think.