(no subject)

[xistillluvhimx]

wow where the fuck do i even began ummm today was going good until 6th periord we had to go to an assembly and i cried the whole time for like 3 hours stright it was so sad but so true it talked about everything sex, drugs, drinking the truth about it all and why everyone does it to get rid of there problems and thats why i do it i fucking hate my life and the guy started talking about dads and it hurt cause i dont know my real dad all my friends came up to me and asked me why and thought about last yeah and what i did i od at school with 87 pills and it hurt so many people and guys im really sorry its just i get to a certian piont and i cant take it anymore and i just give up and then the speaker said i bet some of you have that blade or bottle of pills on you and it was true to i had a blade in my back pocket cause tonight i wanted to go home and cut i thought about it all day and i havent completyl figured out why i do what i do but i get so depressed and give up and everyone asked me do you still cut well i havent for a while beacuse i rather do somethign un noticeable so i cant get in trouble so i od and the last time i did it was before school today hoping i would get to go home cause all i do is cry i have so much going wrong when you dont have a dad, you and your mom dont get along, your sister is a tweeker, people at school talk shit about you saying your a skank or hooker and make fun of you and talk about you when you walk passed like your not even there it hurts and when people you think are your friends lie to you over stupid shit it makes you wonder who can i trust you just want to give up you dont want no one to care anymore you want to be by yourself and you just want ot die and then the whole guy drama they tell you what you want to here making you fall for them and love them but in their minds they have a game planed making you fall for them and give them sex and its hard to say no to someone who you love and care about so when he leaves you he hurts you and makes you cry makes fun of you calls you a slut to your face and then the next guy comes and you do the same thing and he has the same game they use you for what you can get and before long you look like a tramp. if i could i would take back every guy i have slep with execpt 1 cause i love that person and always will. and it hurts to know they got that same game planed and the guy before and they guy before that but you love him and you think he loves you so you of corse give in why cant i be stronger why cant i say no im scared that if i do im gonna loose him well i alreaty kinda did i gave him what he wanted and now he knows i have fell for him and he can get it when he wants and i hate my self for that!! girls out there be strong stand up to a guy dont make the same mistake i did its ok to say know but im gonna go so ttly

~ash~

and the thing that made me so happy at the end of the day was when my ex boyfriend came up to me and gave me a hug X I STILL LUV HIM X

XO I MISS HIM XO
i never thought he would take to me anymore and i love him so much
I can't hide the way I feel about you anymore
I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes anymore
My tears no longer waiting, my resistance ain't that strong
My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore

Let me make one last appeal to show you how I feel about you
'Cause there's no one else I swear that holds a candle anywhere next to you
My heart can't take the beating, not having you to hold
A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul
It says I can't keep pretending I don't love you anymore

I've got to take the chance or let it pass by
If I expect to get on with my life

My tears no longer waiting, oohh my resistance ain't that strong
But my mind keeps recreating a life with you alone
And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore

Anymore

Anymore

my song to him