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i cant sleep because your on my mind..
a million thoughts racing through...
what your doing...
what your thinking..
am am i in your thoughts?
three fucking thirty four fucking am.
im wired beyond all hell... in major pain ( my back) aggravated.. depressed.. worried.. n bringing a major headache onmyself...
god why cant i just RELAX n just.. .. let go.. .. WHY?? what the fuck is wrong with me... im so sick of being hellbent on every little thing going on and in my life and stressing n worrying about everything.
i CANT continue doing this.. i cant..i will have a mental breakdown if i dont stop soon.
i smoke WAY too fucking much n cant stop... i worry constantly about everything... my relationship.. my job.. employees.. my car situation.. or.. my future car situation.. my family.. myself..( which is lastly on the list).. EVERYTHINg.
i want to be fucking sane again.
i feel im losing the race of life n got off path n lost my way...
wtf...
i cant deal. make me fucking happy already. i want to be fucking happy n not so stressed out about every little fucking thing......
HOW DO YOU LET GO N JUST GO WITH THE FLOW FULLY????
god i trully am starting to believe i need a therapist.
goddamn i hate these kinda nights....
dont fret. ill be ok in a few days.
on a greater note..
my mom went in for surgery yesterday n i was the only one that didnt know... she got some nerves in her back burnt so she wont have as much back pain anymore.... yea.. even though i didnt know i felt like an asshole. so cool.
about 2 ..2 1/2 weeks ago my cat died.. yoda.. he was 18 n was just falling apart... so awesome.
fights with boyfriend.. family.. friends.. myself... TOTAL party..
chain smokin like a mutha fukker... someone stop me now....
i have a HUGE spending problem... literally.. i have a problem.. its fucked up. i charge n spend money like i have it.. n then whos gonna bitch when her car finally dies n she doesnt have enough money to get a new one? oh yea.. me... coolest kid on the block.....
sleeping alone without a phone call... mm.. oh wait.. i cant sleep.. awesome. .. staying AWAKE without a phonecall... even better....
hating myself for god knows so many reeasons.. just because life dished me this plate of misery... yea yea.. " you make your own life.. " Blah blah. whatever! im tired of getting reality thrown in my face.
reality sucks.
not being able to help the one you love.....n feeling so fucking useless and helpless. best feelings ever.. i SWEAR.....
losing a friend in 1 week. awesome.. ( sorry im not tryin to make you feel bad hunny.. it just sucks for me!! cuz your one of the very very few i have!! n im gonna miss your crazy ass !)
feeling unattractive and just plain a waste of skin. lovin it lovin it!
having motivation for about... eeeeh... zero. totally fun.
god... do i ever stop bitching??? hahahahaha.. for all those that actually know me... NOPE... its just me.. i bitch n complain.. n its great... :) venting it fun...
n in a few days ill be back to shitting flowers n dancing with lil pink buffalos :) n ill look back n go.. " god... im so pathetic!! n laugh at myself" .
so really... . dont worry... ..
honest.
im ok.
log out
i cant sleep because your on my mind..
a million thoughts racing through...
what your doing...
what your thinking..
am am i in your thoughts?
three fucking thirty four fucking am.
im wired beyond all hell... in major pain ( my back) aggravated.. depressed.. worried.. n bringing a major headache onmyself...
god why cant i just RELAX n just.. .. let go.. .. WHY?? what the fuck is wrong with me... im so sick of being hellbent on every little thing going on and in my life and stressing n worrying about everything.
i CANT continue doing this.. i cant..i will have a mental breakdown if i dont stop soon.
i smoke WAY too fucking much n cant stop... i worry constantly about everything... my relationship.. my job.. employees.. my car situation.. or.. my future car situation.. my family.. myself..( which is lastly on the list).. EVERYTHINg.
i want to be fucking sane again.
i feel im losing the race of life n got off path n lost my way...
wtf...
i cant deal. make me fucking happy already. i want to be fucking happy n not so stressed out about every little fucking thing......
HOW DO YOU LET GO N JUST GO WITH THE FLOW FULLY????
god i trully am starting to believe i need a therapist.
goddamn i hate these kinda nights....
dont fret. ill be ok in a few days.
on a greater note..
my mom went in for surgery yesterday n i was the only one that didnt know... she got some nerves in her back burnt so she wont have as much back pain anymore.... yea.. even though i didnt know i felt like an asshole. so cool.
about 2 ..2 1/2 weeks ago my cat died.. yoda.. he was 18 n was just falling apart... so awesome.
fights with boyfriend.. family.. friends.. myself... TOTAL party..
chain smokin like a mutha fukker... someone stop me now....
i have a HUGE spending problem... literally.. i have a problem.. its fucked up. i charge n spend money like i have it.. n then whos gonna bitch when her car finally dies n she doesnt have enough money to get a new one? oh yea.. me... coolest kid on the block.....
sleeping alone without a phone call... mm.. oh wait.. i cant sleep.. awesome. .. staying AWAKE without a phonecall... even better....
hating myself for god knows so many reeasons.. just because life dished me this plate of misery... yea yea.. " you make your own life.. " Blah blah. whatever! im tired of getting reality thrown in my face.
reality sucks.
not being able to help the one you love.....n feeling so fucking useless and helpless. best feelings ever.. i SWEAR.....
losing a friend in 1 week. awesome.. ( sorry im not tryin to make you feel bad hunny.. it just sucks for me!! cuz your one of the very very few i have!! n im gonna miss your crazy ass !)
feeling unattractive and just plain a waste of skin. lovin it lovin it!
having motivation for about... eeeeh... zero. totally fun.
god... do i ever stop bitching??? hahahahaha.. for all those that actually know me... NOPE... its just me.. i bitch n complain.. n its great... :) venting it fun...
n in a few days ill be back to shitting flowers n dancing with lil pink buffalos :) n ill look back n go.. " god... im so pathetic!! n laugh at myself" .
so really... . dont worry... ..
honest.
im ok.
log out