(no subject)
last night sam and i talked...i feel a little bit better about things but i'm still really confused about a lot of stuff...it really bothers me because i really do sincerly care about his feelings and i've noticed through many lj posts from his friends that they dont think i could give a crap...and i think that hurts more than anything...i didnt intentionally try to break his heart...do u think thats FUN!? this is not a game...i cant go for a minute without thinking about how this has affected him...and i don't enjoy being compared to girls who REALLY fucked with his head...but i'm not going to go on about it anymore because i know who i am and if people are too set in their ways to see it differently then so be it...i know how i feel and that right now is the most important thing...
today = hell
I woke up @ 6 to go to work...got there @ 7:30 and was wrapped at 12:45...short day but i almost fell asleep a million times because i havent gotten any sleep this week...when i came home i decided i needed to do something to peel off the layer of dead skin i've been walking around in lately (metaphorically of course)...so i cleaned out my closet, dusted my whole room, and re-arranged a whole bunch of stuff...that lead to me becoming very dizzy...so i stopped...Gerrie called me and we talked for an hour on the phone about current events...and now i'm sad again...and also mad...very mad...very mad at the people who can only see me as a fake, psycopathic, effed in the head bitch...and i really do not need that right now AT ALL...
My life just seems to keep coming full circle...an unremitting cycle of broken hearts and hurt feelings...i'm really trying to get through this as easily as humanly possible but when you have so many things coming at you in so many different directions, its hard to get up in the morning...Usually i'm always the really perky, cheerful, optimistic person...you know the one who always looks at the bright side of a situation...but right now i feel like i'm trapped in a dark tunnel and its only a matter of time before the train whistle that i hear in the distance gets closer and closer and closer...and the train is not stopping...so either i need to get out of the way, or just stand there and wait...
i need things to get better...because i dont think i can handle another day of this...
i have dance tonight...after that i'm coming home, taking a long bath, making hot chocolate, getting cozy with blankies and pillows, and watching a very happy movie...i really need to do that
*EDIT* --> Dance made me really happy...yay for high engery activity surrounded by high energy people...megan can't resist hyperness as you all may know...so yay the first time i've actually felt happy in the past few days...things are slowly progressing :)! Now i want to go eat something and watch movies and be fun! YAY!!!
today = hell
I woke up @ 6 to go to work...got there @ 7:30 and was wrapped at 12:45...short day but i almost fell asleep a million times because i havent gotten any sleep this week...when i came home i decided i needed to do something to peel off the layer of dead skin i've been walking around in lately (metaphorically of course)...so i cleaned out my closet, dusted my whole room, and re-arranged a whole bunch of stuff...that lead to me becoming very dizzy...so i stopped...Gerrie called me and we talked for an hour on the phone about current events...and now i'm sad again...and also mad...very mad...very mad at the people who can only see me as a fake, psycopathic, effed in the head bitch...and i really do not need that right now AT ALL...
My life just seems to keep coming full circle...an unremitting cycle of broken hearts and hurt feelings...i'm really trying to get through this as easily as humanly possible but when you have so many things coming at you in so many different directions, its hard to get up in the morning...Usually i'm always the really perky, cheerful, optimistic person...you know the one who always looks at the bright side of a situation...but right now i feel like i'm trapped in a dark tunnel and its only a matter of time before the train whistle that i hear in the distance gets closer and closer and closer...and the train is not stopping...so either i need to get out of the way, or just stand there and wait...
i need things to get better...because i dont think i can handle another day of this...
i have dance tonight...after that i'm coming home, taking a long bath, making hot chocolate, getting cozy with blankies and pillows, and watching a very happy movie...i really need to do that
*EDIT* --> Dance made me really happy...yay for high engery activity surrounded by high energy people...megan can't resist hyperness as you all may know...so yay the first time i've actually felt happy in the past few days...things are slowly progressing :)! Now i want to go eat something and watch movies and be fun! YAY!!!