(no subject)
Whether you were being serious or not doesn't matter anymore. You constantly make me feel like shit and those good feelings you used to cause all the time are now replaced with this! I am so fucking over this, it's not even funny anymore. I don't know why I constantly tell myself you're it, you're perfect, I love you when all you do is constantly contradict this shit by acting this way. This whole relationship has lasted eight months too long.
Fuck fuck fuck FUCK.
Honestly, I hope you do fuck her and have an amazing sex life and that she's everything you want. I hope that she treats you right and knows exactly how to fucking grind her hips into yours and all that shit you had me believing was about me. I fucking hate myself so much for loving you enough to make myself cry over this.
And I know that when you aplogize or crack a joke or when we hang out again, I'll forgive you instantly and everyone will know that the cycle will start all over again and I'll be back to convincing myself this is good, this is what I want, until you decide to fuck around with another girl.
Fuck you, even if you were kidding...
And if anyone tells me tomorrow that the only way to make this better is to tell you how much I care about you, I swear I will kick them in the teeth for even suggesting that I bare my soul and feelings and confirm everything about me you already believe and leave myself more vulnerable to you than I already am.